Hostage

So Last week was super intense. I had to do two nerve-wracking, make-it-or-break-it exams. To say that it was easy would be a lie. At one point, I wondered how I always subject myself to challenges and yet feel so short of unleashing my own true power.

When Heart E. mentioned  “I love it that I am not a hostage to anyone”, I felt that. In my case, I don’t want to be held hostage by my own feelings and fears. I’ve said it then and I am saying it now… one of my greatest fears is not realizing my full potential. I would want to dive headfirst and see if I can survive. And if I will, only then I could say that I have somehow, lived. I don’t want to curb my thirst for adventures just because it’s safe to stay on the shores. And for the longest time, my career has been the opposite of that. I felt restrained.

I never tried switching jobs in Singapore because I grew complacent. Why change a routine? I grew accustomed to a lifestyle that adapted well to the job that I was doing. I spend time together with the same people and worry about the same things.

Looking back now, I could’ve tried something else. I could’ve changed jobs and assessed which one fitted me best. I could’ve gone into dates and friendly rendezvous. The break came to me when I finally decided to quit. From there, I tried to follow the wind and set my own sail. It was one of the most liberating and grand experiences that I have tried.

Now that I am here, I want to try as many things as possible. I want to meet new tribes and gather new experiences. I thought about challenging myself to climb greater heights. I want to see where my guts take me. I want to go as far as I possibly can and never look back. Because it is through these pursuits that we would understand what we are built for. It is these pursuits that define the limits and miles that we can travel in this journey through life.

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