discernment


Discernment…

This one word that gets me really into it. Most often, I just suppress thoughts so as not to solicit unwanted emotions and perhaps entertain impossible ideas.

The truth is, I am an over thinker. An egg can lead me to think about how the chick will become in the future. That advanced. That bo…oooring! Of course, I hate that I am being drawn to this kind of thinking. It adds worries; it makes me feel burdened about my future. I feel as though I am responsible for everything.

Anyway, I went home just recently. I had a goo week-long vacation, with a hectic schedule everyday. I felt really happy that after so long, I am back home. Amidst my busy schedule, I was able to assess what I really feel about it all. And here it goes…

Being in Davao is happiness. My family, my friends, all the familiar faces, the food, HOME, everything… only that, salary is low and costs are rocketing up, how to cope?

Being abroad is a blessing. I get to buy what I want, do the things I want, eat whenever I want to, go out in FULL liberty. It’s all up to me, even the chores and the daily routine.

Am I ready to go home for good? As I stayed for the whole week, I’ve come to a realization that I am not. Maybe I got used to my life here. Maybe deep inside, I feel really happy about being here. Maybe I love how things work for me. Maybe I like that I am in-charge of everything. Maybe, maybe… I can marry now! (kidding!)

I am very much happy to hear a proposal from my former boss. She asked about my plan, when will I come back, what’s my next step. And I answered, maybe next year, if God permits. Then she told me if I am interested in a bank job again. I am happy to know that she trusts me enough to be recommended soon. Is this really it Lord?

So now, I’m back to square one. Discerning what I really want with life. I mean you know, I am getting older with responsibilities in my shoulders. I can’t stay feeling easy forever. And whenever I think about it, I feel exhausted even before I start.

Discernment. Too easy to say, too difficult to process!


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