ako nalang


Kainis ka!

Alam mo yung, nandun n asana sa level na ok na, plantsado na kaso nagkadeperensya pa! Mygahd higad, isa kang malaking X na dapat matagal ko ng inilibing sa limot. Isa kang malaking nunal na ayaw matanggal tanggal kahit laser pa ang ipantira ko. Isa kang bwiset na langaw na di mamatay matay kahit pa isa lagapak na bongga aking ibibigay. Bakit ganun?

Mali ito. Mali na makaramdam ng bonggang pagkagusto lalo pa’t di ka sigurado. Alam ko na kasi ang ending nito, ako ang dehado. Sa totoo lang, di ko na dapat inentertain ang thoughts ko about you. Hindi ka naman masyadong gwapo para pagtuonan ko ng pansin, in fact, what you are, ordinary beauty. Common face in a bunch of crowd intersecting in a pedestrian.

Ang masakit pa, you made me believe. You lead me on. Pero don’t worry, I am not wholly blaming you for everything, I have a part too kaya nga dobleng sakit. Why, because I played along. I was somehow expecting and I am hurting.

Alam kong over naman na affected ako agad. Ganun? Agad agad? Over na kung over but I really fell for your stupid joke. Ako naman itong gullible, napaniwala agad. Hay. I can say, the walls I’ve built for years mejo natibag but buti na lang I have recovered some pieces of it and maybe, in due time reconstruct it again.

Ang sakit lang isipin, twice in a row, nasagasaan ng bongga yung pride ko. Good that I never went public with it, it saved me from further scrutiny. Ganito na lang ba role ko sa life? To live in misery sa mga naunsyaming romance? To live in pain but keeping a cheerful face? To live in discomfort knowing how happy you all are while I am still waiting for that perfect takip? Geez!

Sabi ko nga, dapat hintayin, anyone worth having is worth waiting. Bakit ganun? Nakakasawa ang palaging masaktan habang naghihintay. Kabilang ba ako sa mga apektado ng epidemyang pang 21st century? Ang mga nasasaktan kahit walang karapatan? Saan ang hustisya?

Ang masakit pa, sa dinami dami ba nama ng babae sa mundong ito, bakit ako ang palaging naiiwan sa ere? Bakit ako ang lubos na nasasaktan sa mga pangyayari? Maari ko bang iassume na because I am stronger than most girls, e ako ang chosen one? Bakit naman ganun? Ako nalang palagi ang napipili. Pwedeng iba naman?

Naiinis ako sayo at kung pwede lang ireorganize yung life ko, sana naman may katuparan. Ako na ang sumalo sa lahat ng kamalasan sa mga naunsyaming first romance. At nang dahil sayo, nagdedecrease yung trust level ko sa mga kabaro mo.

Di ako tanga at lalong di ako estupido. Don’t bilog my ulo, you won’t like it when I get to learn how to play your games.

Intiendes?



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