personal

Keribels?

Di talaga. Ouch! Ang sakit pala. Bakit naman kasi may pastalk-stalk pang nalalaman yan tuloy, instantaneous ang sakit. Parang di ko napaghandaan. Or maybe di talaga napaghahandaan ang selosang ganap.

My gaaaahd! I’m hating myself for crying over spilled milk na di akin. I really hate that I get to feel this way kahit bonggang measures na ang aking ginawa not to be involved. I’m quite confused if it’s my heart or if it’s my ego that is bleeding. Ouch.

I cannot dare share this thought in rounds of kwentuhan with friends ‘cause seriously, it’s pathetic and it makes me feel pathetic all the more. Loser na kung loser, kung pwede lang sanang magmove on ng agad agad…kaso hindi.

I don’t know. I feel as though di naman talaga ganun ka lalim or ka intense ang lahat but I still get senti. Why? I’ve asked numerous times but I can’t seem to find the answer. Sa dinami dami ba naman kasi dyan na pwede, dun pa talaga sa hindi na puwede. Spare me.

Anyway, as much as I’d like to go mukmok at mag sulk up sa sakit ng bumbunan or veins ng aking puso, I should not. I would not. I won’t allow myself. Dreadful. Tragic. It’s not the name of the game.

It’s about time to inject some anaesthesia sa aking puso. Corny. Pero really, ayoko nang makafeel ng ganito. Ang pinakamasakit, I get to see him smile while I’m dying inside. I know it’s a bit selfish but really annoying talaga. Bitter na kung bitter. (It’s my blog post anyway.)

Last night, di ako makatulog. I had a hard time sleeping with his face plastered in the talukap of my eyes. Grrrrr. Damn that guy for causing me sleepless nights (not once but a couple of times) Damn him ‘cause he’s not worth it.

Sabi nila. Para makalimot, isa sa mga stage is to find fault in him. Lahat ng pangit na makikita mo sa isang tao, imamagnify yan, so you can justify why you need to let him go. So allow me, ang pangit mo! (hoping I’ll get better after this)

Basta, bottomline is, di ko carry sa ngayon. Ang bigat. Ang hirap dalhin. Haaaay. Stay away from me. Please release me from your memories, please release me from your ghost and please let me go from your shadows. 

thin line

North Korea and South Korea is just a border away, A fine thin line separating the two Koreas.

I can only imagine families separated through that horrendous border, all in the name of colony and tyranny. What the hell are they thinking?

Un-friending you and deleting traces of you plus my self-control is the thin fine line from reaching you. What the hell am I thinking?

The first one is something beyond my control while the latter has my full control.

To be honest, maraming beses ko nang ninais na ikaw’y kausapin. Chat like we used too. For old time’s sake. My heart would tell me to reach out kasi nga we used to be friends and are friends up to now (as far as you know). Wala naman talagang masama diba? But why not?

I have my reasons. Sabi nila, bakit nagfo-fall ang mga tao sa maling tao? Mali in the sense na committed na? My answer… ‘cause they try to go near the flame. Maaaring unfair nga naman for me not to communicate when you try your best to initiate a conversation. Maybe it’s rude. But guess what? It’s BRUTAL to be involved.

My simple rule to remain happy is to ignore the people who left me behind and appreciate the ones who stuck up with me. I just don’t wanna be involve and act as if nothing’s wrong ‘cause surely, I would lie to myself and make myself believe that I am happy with that choice. Not for now. Maaring darating tayo dyan or maaaring hindi na.

I give up on people. Hindi naman ako santo at lalong di ganun kabuti ang aking kalooban to stick to those who doesn’t need me in their lives. Minsan kasi, the more tayo nagke care, the more naman nababalewala. Minsan, the more natin pinoposisyon an gating mga sarili sa buhay ng iba, the more nawawala ang lugar para sa ‘yo.

While there are so many people craving for you, asking you to notice them and yet you remain passive kasi dun ka talaga sa kung sino yung niluluwa ka na. It’s not right. Sure thing, it’s the finest ingredient to self-destruction.

My point is this, wag nang makialam sa mga taong di kailangang pakialaman. Better safe than sorry.

old japan

My aunt came back from old Japan she brought with her a paper fan… Still remember that as an ice breaker in class during kindergarten and early Elementary school.

My aunt used to work in Japan and told me that apple trees are just found on the street and that she will take me there one day. My eyes would light in wonder. As a young kid, I can only imagine those apples hanging and easy to reach. I imagined myself grabbing an apple in spontaneity and directly taking a bite from it. Sounds really cool.

My aunt told me, I would see a lot of flashy cars, those two-seater Lamborghinis and Ferraris all over Japan and that there are a lot of interesting automobiles back in there. In my mind, I’d take a picture, every time.

My aunt told me, I’d drown myself in chocolates and grow tired of eating ramen once I go to Japan. I’d have a perfect buffet of maki and sushi and sashimi and all those mouth-watering Japanese food. Seriously?!

Who wouldn’t want to go to Japan? So there… my young mind was filled up with memories of Japan. Memories that were handed to me by my aunt. Not that I went there, but through her stories, I was able to conjure images of the land of the rising sun, as if I was able to visit it myself.

My aunt left me. Unfortunately, she did not keep her promise of bringing me there. Not that I hold her accountable for that broken promise. I understood the situation. I’m perfectly fine about it.

My sister went to Japan and told me stories about it. She told me that what she loved most about it was the sumptuous food. She just loved it and hoped I’ll be able to witness it myself.

Few months… Gaaah! I can’t wait.