new and improved rejects

To feel rejected.

My hatest feeling in the world. Who does not, right?

I remembered when I was in high school, I was so enthusiastic in joining a school activity which would present a modern dance. I love to dance, I really do. It’s when you let out your inhibitions and just be all out.

I was so excited to learn new steps however our dance leader was a little bit unapproachable. She’ll boss around; get mad at us for not keeping up the dance steps. I had a hard time following as my dance moves are very limited compared to hers. I was trying so hard to practice as much as I can but one day, she belted out tantrums. She then shouted, “what’s wrong with you?” and we all fell silent. As if in a friendly manner, I spoke, “hey, let’s not get mad..,” then she pointed her finger at me “you… you know you’re not a dancer, why did you join?”

I was taken aback. The group looked at me with piercing eyes. I was frozen and I wished right then and there that I would be eaten alive by the ground. I was too embarrassed. I decided to run to the nearest bath room, and there I let my tears flow. I can never forget that incident as it brought pain and left a scar.

After the incident, I never looked at her the same way again. We became friends after. I can’t remember if she said sorry, but to me, the damage has been done and no matter what I do, I cannot forget it.

More than anything, I hate to feel that I am insufficient. That I am not good enough. That among a group, I am left out.

It really hurts me that people would secretly approve of something and I am to be kept blind. It hurts me that I do not belong, that I am different, that I am the weakest link.

It’s like studying for an exam and you find yourself getting the lowest mark in the end. It’s clearly not fair but what are we going to do?

I realized that there are numerous times in this life that we do not get what we want. The odds are not always in our favour. While people can get things done and achieve most of their goals easily, there are so many times that no matter how you try; you just can’t get what you hoped for.

It saddens me that I get to feel insecure and unstable. I get to feel like I am nothing. I get to feel that I am not trusted. But then again, people can hurl bad things at you. People can always get to your nerves and make you feel like a failure but it depends upon you. Are you really?

When things get rough, I seek to rise above the occasion. I realized after a long time that most people who succeed are not really the ones who are the best at what they do but are the most diligent ones. The ones who never back down no matter how many times they fall. Sometimes, it takes longevity to succeed and not just pure talent. It takes perseverance more than the skill.

And coming to terms with this idea, it’s not really necessary that I get to be the expert of the things I do. More than that, It takes hard work and commitment. It takes climbing back up again and again even though I’ve been knocked off for countless of times.

To be rejected is for losers, those who feel like a true-blue reject.

I don’t think I belong to that group anymore. It’s time to step up the game! Fighting!