saving private miss

I can’t help myself but dwell in self-pity.

My goodness! Why, because I made a mistake and I am paying dearly for it.
Seriously, all the hard work and sacrifices do not amount to anything but punishment.
I feel that I am sucking at this big time.

It’s all coming back to me, those days when I feel I tried hard enough but still ends up not chosen.
I seriously hate the feeling. It makes me feel worthless.

To prove myself? Seriously?!

I get that the heavens are conspiring with my stars to let me realize that I need to put a stop at things.
I get too scared with the future but what is there to be scared about when I already have enough?
I used to think that the more you make yourself used to the hurt and pains, it will be used to you and it repels itself away from you. But why? Why do I feel that they love me more and more and I feel so unfortunate!

Why can’t I stay lay low? I just want a peaceful, steady life, is it too much to ask? It hurts me that I am doing my best and yet, I have to prove myself more? Seriously?!

I know I am no good at being patient. The words coming out from my mouth may be different from what I do, but now, I am proving my point that I need to stand up for myself and just stay as far away from those who hurt me.
I will not fight. I will just succumb to self-pity, agonizing blow in my ego that cripples me and my esteem.
I choose to stop feeling all martyr and do something.

My eyes are blinded by tears and my heart is too tired for this. I cannot take this! This is gonna be the last time that I am giving into this.

I will not succumb to failure just because I want to keep quiet. I bet, this whole experience teaches me not only about humility and self sacrifice but loving one’s self to the point of saving her.


I guess, it’s now time to save her even if it means saying goodbye to the second home that I grew accustomed to. If I won’t do it, No other person would.

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