saving private miss
My goodness! Why,
because I made a mistake and I am paying dearly for it.
Seriously, all the hard work
and sacrifices do not amount to anything but punishment.
I feel that I am sucking
at this big time.
It’s all coming back to
me, those days when I feel I tried hard enough but still ends up not chosen.
I seriously hate the
feeling. It makes me feel worthless.
To prove myself?
Seriously?!
I get that the heavens
are conspiring with my stars to let me realize that I need to put a stop at
things.
I get too scared with
the future but what is there to be scared about when I already have enough?
I used to think that the
more you make yourself used to the hurt and pains, it will be used to you and
it repels itself away from you. But why? Why do I feel that they love me more
and more and I feel so unfortunate!
Why can’t I stay lay low?
I just want a peaceful, steady life, is it too much to ask? It hurts me that I
am doing my best and yet, I have to prove myself more? Seriously?!
I know I am no good at
being patient. The words coming out from my mouth may be different from what I
do, but now, I am proving my point that I need to stand up for myself and just stay
as far away from those who hurt me.
I will not fight. I will
just succumb to self-pity, agonizing blow in my ego that cripples me and my
esteem.
I choose to stop feeling
all martyr and do something.
My eyes are blinded by
tears and my heart is too tired for this. I cannot take this! This is gonna be
the last time that I am giving into this.
I will not succumb to
failure just because I want to keep quiet. I bet, this whole experience teaches
me not only about humility and self sacrifice but loving one’s self to the
point of saving her.
I guess, it’s now time
to save her even if it means saying goodbye to the second home that I grew
accustomed to. If I won’t do it, No other person would.
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