Gap kids

What changes in ten years?

I can enumerate bunch of stuff but surely, friendship isn’t one of them. Or yeah maybe it changes but not in a bad way.

I will be seeing one of my bestest friends in two weeks’ time! Weee!!!

 We’ve mapped some plans out. Perhaps, do this or do that, eat this or that. Really just anything. What’s important is the time we will have to spend, catch up a lot about our present lives while reminiscing our teenage years. What a joy!

Can you imagine reuniting with old friends after ten years and still talk about the past like it just happened yesterday? You’d laugh at the same old jokes and smile at quirky experiences when you were much younger, braver and stupider?! Hahaha

After ten years, our ideas may have changed, the way we carry ourselves tells us about how we view life now.  The way we react to things is much more defined and yet I know we’d still giggle like high school cuties.

Time and distance may have affected the friendship as we haven’t seen, heard much or talk too often but I know the bond is still there.  Life as we know it, becomes more complex as time goes by. Problems come in handy and we often misinterpret success as a wall that hinders people from connecting deeply. But what I know is that, no matter how things have changed around us, if what you have is that of a true friendship, everything just fades into oblivion and what matters is the connection that you have with the person.

About 15 years ago, we posed a question, WHAT DISBANDS KRAMP?

And we haven’t got a clear answer. We laughed at the thought and found it absurd.

A year ago, the answer came in flesh. MISCOMMUNICATION. But just like any other friendship problems, I feel that the only way to bridge the gap is in itself given, COMMUNICATION. So… now the challenge is, how to go about being a bridge? TIME AND DISTANCE.

After ten years, time and distance will bridge the gap as Yappy, Manang and I are coming home. We still aren’t complete but at least we are in majority.

Until then, I’ll tell you about what happens when we meet. Can’t wait!

weekends

How was your weekend?

Weekend is a breather for me.

With the neck-high tasks that I have to fulfill, I need a break. Not that I am complaining, but sometimes, it really gets the best of me. I'd find myself feeling exhausted and sighing heavily. I'd spend the whole week rushing for office and start the job immediately. Skip breakfast, I do not have much time. (I know it's a No-No!)

From morning, I'd check my emails, rush to create permits then monitor on documents. Phone line ringing continuously and clients chasing me for their documents. Can you imagine doing the tango and performing the background song too? That's how I always feel.

My job is as demanding as a nagging boyfriend who can't seem to get more of you.

Lunch came and I'm salivating for food. I'd be starving to death and I'd decide to go out for change of environment. I feel so suffocated breathing in and out documents, humming and hearing loud noise from clients and bosses. Seriously?!

To be honest, I never thought working like this. Super tired through out the day yet I need to extend time to do more tasks for tomorrow and yet when I head home, I have to make my dinner.  Gone are the days when I seem to take things lightly and coming to home-cooked meals with my mom and dad asking me how my day was. I missed it really.

The decision I made is a tough one, the choice I choose, I never really expected to be like this. But as a true chivalrous soldier, I remain. Why, because… well, I choose this and I must stand by it. For now.

Sure I can ditch it, whenever I want. But I realized that life is never like a roll of tissue paper wherein I can throw it just because I hate it. Sometimes, we need to endure because it helps us learn. It serves as an exercise for major tasks later on in life.

Believe me, there's never a day that quitting never occurs to me. It's a regular idea, something that I am getting used to. But no, not now. Not yet.

But if there's anything, I promised myself not to suffer so much. When life gives you lemons, my sister told me "squeeze it on horrible peoples' eyes, so they know how painful it is" haha.

As much as the weekdays swallow me whole and leave me breathless, I am thankful of weekends for it revive me as a hopeful person. There is always sunshine after the rain. There is always fridays after horrible mondays.

 I always aim for greater days ahead. So weekends, I love 'em.

success

Define Success.

I used to define it in things I see and touch. Properties holding my name and bank accounts to boot. I also define it as a prominent career or a household name.

My definition is that of most of the society's. Successful people are those with stellar performance in their field of study or work. Those whose name we know because he is this or that, because he owns this or that.

But success… does it really mean that?

The older I get, the more I realize that I want to be successful… But success with a new definition.

Success now means being Happy, healthy and fulfilled. The more I expose myself to the world, the more demanding it gets. Career for example challenges me to be the best. I give my best and it sometimes fall short to what they want me to do. But should I be tagged as a failure just because I cannot do the things more than they require? I bet not.

Life is a series of challenges, the more you indulge, the deeper you go and need to fulfill. If our purpose is solely to overcome those challenges, what fun does life guarantee? Are we not equal to a mushroom budding everywhere just for the sake of existing (not that I look down on a mushroom, mind you, it's tasty!)

Seriously, isn't it pointless to wake up everyday just to do the tasks that you are obliged to do? To not savor the moment because you are busy grinding your head to do your job properly?

Of course, workaholics would defy me. But my question is, do our existence just mean to EARN a living rather than BE living?

And what good does HAVING more do than BEING more? Being more compassionate, friendly, giving… It outweighs more than anything in the world.

I just want to be happy. Happy to be alive and happy to bring joy to the people I meet and love.

Happiness means being contented. It means being a person of gratitude. To thank God countlessly for the blessings and not to summon Him to give me more. Happiness means valuing the people who mean to me. Those who inspire, encourage and remind me that everything will be alright. Happiness is knowing that whatever happens, God will never forsake me.

Success means being happy. For what good is it for a man to have everything but be lonely? What good is it to have so much when you know that there are hundreds outside your fence who doesn't have anything to eat? What good is it to spend so much time in an office, forgetting details of an anniversary, a birthday or a simple PTA meeting when the people you worked hard for needs your presence more than the money you gave them?

Success…. Society's definition confuse what's essential and what's not. We are blinded to fulfill the expectations rather than what makes us truly happy. We are itching to show off how successful we are to be respected, but do we need to go that far? I wonder.

crazy high

Who gets over high school?

So I came across old notes dated 5 years ago, with me tagged and the rest of my high school peeps. As usual, the thread goes up to 60+ comments. Comments ranging from teasing to accusing. haha

These are people who I've grown up with. People who might have witnessed my first tagos over my first mens, first crush, first date, first heartbreak, to name a few. These are people who have seen the cries I made because of what seemed to be the greatest panlalait ever recorded in my entire life or who have heard my loudest laughter because of my political victory (student government). haha

And as I look back, what am I best remembered in high school? Ha! I feel like I was not on the safe side. Not the ones who'd stay silent in a corner, or the one who gets busy at the library, or the one whom you can count on to give you lengthwise, crosswise, whatever-wise paper the teacher requires. I was not the one whom classmates would like to share their problems with or be alone with for some serious sharing. I belong to the other side. The loud, laughing, bullish, fun group. We are the life of the classroom.

It's true, when you look at someone, you cannot separate the personality she has way back when you were classmates. When friends get together, I am still the animated, loud and funny girl that I used to be, with a tweet handle "message relay" as my crown. It's not that I am not that girl anymore but I have been tamed in a careful fashion through time and experiences. It amazes me that I am still labeled as what I used to be after years of being apart. I don't know, so much has changed and I'm afraid, I'm leading a quiet life now. haha (murag ex artista lang?)

When I think about it, I hope I have not made such a lasting impression as a bully because at one point, I have been quite harsh. haha. You know when you are young and stupid, the ideas are too fresh to deter and the mouth can speak volumes to keep up with the crazy mind. I may have wounded and left a scar at someone's heart that I might have no clue about... after all these years. Ganun.

In one way or another, who we are back then may not be who we are today. There might be quite a few signs from the past but it's different now. Although time has shaped us for what we are today, we always look back and see the shadows of the past. I don't know if it's a big deal but one thing's for sure, friendship in high school is what remains.

Personally I am not yet over High school. 

carlo

question:

Do you ever have someone whom you never want to see again?

Most people would outrightly say No. Of course, we are highly sociable people. We go through the odds and we learn to forget despite the pains.

But really, if truth be told. I have a person in mind whom I strongly feel that there is no need to see again after a long time. I would be a hypocrite to admit though that I do not and would not miss him at all. 

Thoughts of him come like a second skin. Undeniably, he has made an impact in me that I am struggling so hard to get over with. But why do I feel like I need not to see him again? 

Frankly, because I am a threat to myself. Haha. I feel that seeing him again would only bring memories which make me hope about him and me. in the end.

Seriously. Who am I kidding? I want him more that anything else in this world and by being with him, I feel that I have achieved something that I am wishing so hard to come true. But being with him will just hurt me, and the people around us.

As vicious as I may sound, I feel that there is no way, I’d allow that to happen. So, I wish never to see him at all again. Not now, not ever.

"Goodbye Carlo!"

piliin piliin

Mahal ka or mahal mo?

Lounging on the chair while peaking through my window... Ahhh! this is life. I was watching Mutya ng masa on a gloomy saturday and there was a feat about the song of kz tandingan, the lyrics...

Sino ang iibigin ko
Ikaw ba na pangarap ko
O siya bang kumakatok sa puso ko
Oh anong paiiralin ko
Isip ba o ang puso ko
Nalilito litong litong lito
Sinong pipiliin ko


Then a woman was interviewed, "sino ang pipiliin mo?" she replied, "yung mahal ko... I had 4 kids from a man who I love and kahit alam kong di lang ako ang nasa buhay nya, sinabihan ko sya na kahit anong mangyari, uuwi at uuwi pa rin sya sakin, kahit nakadextrose na sya, tatanggapin ko parin sya ng buong buo" 

Wow! such love! so bigla akong napaisip, is it really possible? to love someone despite all the odds? won't you get tired of it? The woman mentioned "kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba, hindi ko na pansin kasi mahal ko sya"... Now that is some loving!

Then Doris, the host ended the interview saying that kahit ano ang pipiliin sa dalawa, ang importante ay may pinili ka.

I was like, bull's eye! I personally had neither of them. Bakit ba di ako namili? 
haha

Sorry

Hari Raya Haji!

Here I am sitting beside the window overlooking the railway with scattered greens.

I was asked, should we plan our next getaway? I kept mum. I am seriously thinking whether it is smart to book a ticket to anywhere today while I feel a bit down about none else but my... boo job!

Although I am preparing myself for my major leap, I still can't help thinking about whether I'd do it sooner than I had planned. Afterall, it's a matter of time before I would call it quits. What, six months...

"Hong Kong?? I really want to go, let's go during Chinese New Year.", the friend said in her usual overexcited tone. I chewed a smile. I'd love to go back too. In fact, I want to spend December holidays over that side of the world. Why, I love Hong Kong. But... is it wise? considering my pass would soon expire and whether I'd still be here by then. Boohoo!

Anyway, I am done sulking at this demanding job! I want to live... get a life, outside from this! Am I complaining? for three years... well, I think I deserve to say something. 

forgive me.