oh my ghost

Oh my ghost!

I was religiously watching this series (yes, it’s Korean again) and surprisingly, it lifted me to a major level of thinking. The story revolves around a ghost who remembers most of her memories except for the day that she died. She then found out that she allegedly committed suicide. She loved life and she never really could have guessed why she took her own life.

Meanwhile, she made a bargain with a Suhbingso (like a ritual lady, who performs rituals for ghost’s ascension and who’s main business is to read the fortune of a person, more like a zodiac) that she’ll oblige to ascend once she’ll be able to perform her major grudge, correcting her being a Virgin.

The story develops of him finding a Man of Vitality for which she should do “it” with. To make the story short, she began to have feelings with the guy even though she knows that she shouldn’t. She then asks, “why did I not feel any of this when I was alive? Why was life too short for me?”

I was brought into a paradigm of waiting. I somehow thought about how I sometimes procrastinate or yes, about having delayed gratification in most cases.

I think life is too short especially when we are so busy making ends meet. We forget what we truly WANT because we NEED to do something. I see no wrong in that, but isn’t living goes beyond the realm of just paying the bills?

In love, I always thought about waiting for the perfect timing, right person, right circumstances, but really, am I side blinded by the fact that he might have passed me because I was busy looking for who I think is right? I feel like I am missing out so much on my dating life because I am stuck in the moment. And perhaps, stuck in my own fairytale. I should have dated more guys to know which type is best for me. What the hell am I doing?

In my friendships, I always feel that I am obliged to take care of the people around me. I feel obliged to prioritize them so that they won’t feel lonely. But at the end of the day, I am the one who does feel so. Perhaps, I invested too much time on them; I forgot how to be okay with being alone. What the hell am I doing?

In my career, am I keeping this whole façade of loyalty? I feel like I am being comfortable with not stepping up. Is this all I can do for myself? What the hell am I doing?

In my decisions, am I giving it my best shot? Am I really just going with the flow and being evasive of commitments? What the hell am I doing?

Life is too short.

As the ghost would say, “I wasted my time”…

Am I wasting mine too? Oh my life!