intermission

Bummer!

I seem to sleep really late nowadays and I never really expected that my “bum” days will be like this.

I cannot pinpoint what is certainly wrong with me. Could it be the jetlag? Could it be the hormones? Or could it simply be just the sugar that I consumed before going to sleep or through the day?

I’m writing this to document my thoughts as my mind is too active during this time of the day, 1:18AM and and so on.

For one, I am in this time of my life where I certainly welcome the ambiguity but I keep going backward and feel anxious.

Where am I going? What do I want to do?
These have been thoughts that I deluded myself from thinking because I don’t want to feel confused. But alas, I want to man up and just face these basic questions because in these, lie how I want to proceed with my life.

Truthfully, it scares the hell lot of me. I’ve never been so unsure except that this has been the second time.

I’d like to think that this is an intermission of my life. That stanza before the chorus.
And perhaps, to be able to appreciate it well, I need not feel anxious because it will settle by itself.

Gone are those days where I just go with what others say. Gone are those days where I go where the others are heading. Gone are those days where I am just “one of them” because there is beauty in knowing that I am doing what I want to do and honestly speaking using the voice that I am given. With all that comes the attempt of going a step forward.

I want to keep calm and cool despite everything because I chose this.
I want to keep walking without looking back because I know I am headed for a CERTAIN destination.
I want to be free from the shackles of worries because let’s face it, everyone is just unsure, they’re just pretending to be COOL.

I want to be comfortable with the idea that I am privileged to be given this chance, to know where I stand and choose which way I’m going because I have the means to do so.


I’d like to stand still and follow my heart because life is short and everything is momentary.

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