Rants and Rave of a Wannabe

Greatest Ambition: Flight Attendant

Present Occupation: Constant Wannabe

Darn!

While it is common knowledge that I really want to be a Flight Attendant, I chose not to. Okay, I submitted a resume for PAL sometime after college, got a call and scheduled for an interview, now what? never attended. It may sound as a lame excuse but I wasn't able to secure permission from my boss that time. Or should I say that the permission I asked was a bit too weak for the determination i had.

I remembered, I got a call at home and I was told to go to a hotel for an interview at 2pm. I came to work in a rather fashionable way (of course, quite different from my ordinary getup). I had my hair fixed and my shoes done. I was hesitant to approach my boss since I was on probation (below 6 months from the company I am currently in). It took me seconds to finally blurt out what I wanna say and Boom! My boss then just gave me a questionable look, from her face, I know it meant a big NO!


Anyway, I can say that the experience discouraged me. I have this habit of being a weakling when it comes to getting things done my way. What seems to be the problem is the persistence, which I obviously fell short of.

Months became years, I am still here. I am still where I thought I wouldn't stand to last. I am still in the same road with mixed perceptions. I am like a balloon held by a child, to where the child would exactly go, I do not know. I just blend in. The wind might take me someday. Or perhaps, my helium, hydrogen or nitrous oxide would be diminished and soon, fall. What would be left is that elastic bag, empty and outstretched. How sad could it possibly be?

Tell you what, of course there has been a lot of opportunities that came my way. In fact, a couple of interviews with cebpac which I seem to ignore came. I appreciate how supportive my friends are, one called me up one day to inform me that the cebpac team is at Davao for the hiring process. Others seem to remind me that the process would just be a 3-day affair. Really, It makes me feel warm. At least, I have them at my back.

Trips came, everytime I ride on in a plane, I couldn't resist the thought of being just like one of those girls in a rather semi-formal attire. No offense meant but I preferred the old uniforms PAL had when I was a bit younger.

I remembered, those girls would wear very presentable skirt and blouse with a suit on and of course, a scarf. To a little girl's eyes, it's like seeing yourself perhaps 20 years after. Then who would not look their direction, when all of them march the airport with strollers, walking regally and smiling as if they're on TV? Surely, it makes young girls like me dream of a future like that. And then I had the chance to be just like them, but what did I do? Ignore, Run and hide? (It's not as if this is a matter of avoiding unwanted suitors right?)

At present, I admit I seem to be lost. I seem to be misled by my emotions. I seem to be clouded with confusions. What do I wanna be? Where do I wanna go? Stay or Leave?

Perhaps, these are questions that I cannot really fathom. For now.

All I know is that, I hold the key to my destiny. I man the ship I use to my own journey. It is up to me whether I make it or just remain a constant wannabe.

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