wanted
Here we go again…
The same old line bugging my brains, tugging my heart…
Is this what I want?
Why can’t I be just like a normal quarter aged girl who thinks about partying? Or someone who frequently thinks about travel and have the means for it? I am so much different. My concerns are far deeper and almost married-like.
I hate it. I am over thinking things. I forget to appreciate the beauty of change. I forget to appreciate the blessing of time. Sometimes, I feel that I am blown out of proportion as the future is concerning me so much. My gosh! Why can’t I remain calm? Why can’t I remain relaxed and let the future surprise me?
It seems that I always want to plan things out but I get frustrated if there are changes in it. I am bound to follow what I planned, so even the slightest detail change, I get disappointed. That shouldn’t be the case, right? And then I have this 50 year old ego which drives me to be pressured. I don’t want to fail. I hate losing. I hate being a loser.
The reason why I spent so many sleepless nights before I finally made a decision to resign was that, I don’t want to go home without giving my Singapore dreams a good fight. I don’t want to go home gambling all the things I gathered and landing Davao nil. That’s just so lame of me.
You see, I am putting so much pressure on myself that even though I successfully booted a job here, my series of “plans” are intertwining my very purpose to just grow and learn. I am constantly disappointed by my errors and I feel so pushed to the edge, as if there’s no other solution but to just jump off.
Sad. I am young. I should have fewer worries, right?
But I always end up worrying and worrying and I am getting tired of my personal drama.
So is this what I want? Apart from the question of career (which I still have no answer to), this is not what I want. I want to live the life because life is not supposed to be endured but to be enjoyed. To take myself not too seriously and to take each change as an opportunity for growth, that is what I want.
The same old line bugging my brains, tugging my heart…
Is this what I want?
Why can’t I be just like a normal quarter aged girl who thinks about partying? Or someone who frequently thinks about travel and have the means for it? I am so much different. My concerns are far deeper and almost married-like.
I hate it. I am over thinking things. I forget to appreciate the beauty of change. I forget to appreciate the blessing of time. Sometimes, I feel that I am blown out of proportion as the future is concerning me so much. My gosh! Why can’t I remain calm? Why can’t I remain relaxed and let the future surprise me?
It seems that I always want to plan things out but I get frustrated if there are changes in it. I am bound to follow what I planned, so even the slightest detail change, I get disappointed. That shouldn’t be the case, right? And then I have this 50 year old ego which drives me to be pressured. I don’t want to fail. I hate losing. I hate being a loser.
The reason why I spent so many sleepless nights before I finally made a decision to resign was that, I don’t want to go home without giving my Singapore dreams a good fight. I don’t want to go home gambling all the things I gathered and landing Davao nil. That’s just so lame of me.
You see, I am putting so much pressure on myself that even though I successfully booted a job here, my series of “plans” are intertwining my very purpose to just grow and learn. I am constantly disappointed by my errors and I feel so pushed to the edge, as if there’s no other solution but to just jump off.
Sad. I am young. I should have fewer worries, right?
But I always end up worrying and worrying and I am getting tired of my personal drama.
So is this what I want? Apart from the question of career (which I still have no answer to), this is not what I want. I want to live the life because life is not supposed to be endured but to be enjoyed. To take myself not too seriously and to take each change as an opportunity for growth, that is what I want.
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