prexypinoy to the world

Anniversary… Talked with A yesterday. She said, “P, let’s take a leave on the 8 th of Aug to mark our first anniversary here in SG” and I said, “one year… ahh! Have we become better?” She said, “of course!” Wow. Such conviction you have in there. Memories flashed… Looking back, I traded my job to something unknown. I’ve been receiving enough, getting the best benefits, having fabulous leaves where I can travel to anywhere with my good friends (who also belonged to the same company and been given the chance to be allowed altogether for a leave) and most importantly, meeting really interesting people… and then, BOOM! I chose to leap out of it. Do I have regrets? Apparently, when you’re 24, it is the time of your life when you seek for more, aim for more, imagine more… I felt there was something in store for me out of my company, like I am destined to do more, and of course, see the world beyond my horizon. What’s in the other end? 24 was a perfect time! Now at 25, ...

Insane… My sissy has gone nuts! I can’t believe it. Imagine, she told me, “girl, I think it’s time for you to marry!” Like huh?!?! Can you hear yourself? Are talking Greek? Am I pregnant? LOL Not that I am tolerating, but, at this age? At this time of my life? And the bigger question is, who’s the groom? As I’ve said before, one of my wildest dreams is to marry at 23. (My mum married at 20.) But I’m past the age so it will always be a wild dream. 25, this age, yes, I can marry. In fact, I feel I am ready for it. So much for being independent. But yun na nga, sino? Like if pwede pa lang bumili, bibili ako ng lima at itatry ko na agad sino sa kanila ang magwork. But hindi nga ganun, it’s Love or nothing. Bakit naman ako papasok sa isang relationship na kahit mag holding hands e di ko maimagine, what’s the point? And although there are few guys who come in contact with me, asking choovachoo, di naman ganun kadali yun. It takes time. Ewan ko ba, minsan over nam...

Envy. Envy is a vicious mental sickness that brings nothing but self-pity. It turns a person into a monster, lowly and pathetic. Life is never fair. (Cliché as it may sound) Alright not that I am not being bitter, just saying, it is a fact. While I feel so blessed, sometimes I feel that I always come second-best. I don’t get the gold; I just get the bronze or the consolation prize. Sometimes, I am driven to feel envious of people, who get what they always wish, grab what is always best, sometimes, of more than what they deserved. (in my assessment) But who am I to complain? Who am I to be green and feel envious of other’s success or blessings? That would make me nothing but a creepy lil psycho who aims too much, selfish and brute. The challenge I am facing is the challenge of survival. Sure, I can lament, why can’t I get the things that I want, I can ask “why” for a million times but will that make me any better? My bigger challenge is to accept things as it is. ...

BABALA. ANG POST NA ITO AY NAGLALAMAN NG DI MGA KANAIS NAIS NA LAMAN. Lol So ano ba ang ipinuputok ng butse ko? Wala. Mga walang kwentang bagay. Walang kwentang damdamin para sa mga walang kwentang tao. Hear this out, sa walang kakwenta kwentang dahilan di ko ma stand ang pagtingin tingin sa profile nila. Bakit? Kasi nga walang kwenta. Di ko din alam kung ano yung talagang napi feel ko. Must be selos right? Haha okay aaminin ko na. SLIGHT. It isn’t naman reasonable to feel anger towards them. Wag ganun. The opposite of love is hate. So di naman ganun ka importante para pagtuunan ng ganung emosyon. Too intense. And although it sounds bitter, bakit ba? I am just being true. I don’t hate nor dislike them, I just feel di ko pa lang bet makipag chummy chummy. Psychological reasons. Sa ngayun, di ko pa lang siguro lubos na maaccept. But I know in time, I’ll just go over their profiles and laugh at myself for being nonchalantly funny. Imagine, di ko kunwari tinitingnan, at once, bi...

I really, really, as in twice my age, like you. My BFF A had our late night talk na naman again last night. We watched a tv show about Pan Am Flight attendants and she blurted out, “bakit kaya may nahahanap agad silang mga boys?” pointing on how the girls are going out with the boys on a stopover flight. Then I told her, “yan kasi we’re so immature” LOL Seriously, it’s not naman immature as in irresponsible, immature in a sense na, di pa fully na develop yung womanhood. I know it sounds quite awkward considering our ages kaso that’s the most logical reason I can think of at the moment. Kasi naman, while others our age or younger than we are, are having babies, creating a family, happily engaged or new to a relationship, kami naman is again and again, waiting pa. Ano yung hinihintay? Well, di ko din alam. Naghihintay kay Mr. Perfect? Which we all know as non-existent? Ang hirap eh, ang hirap sumugal sa isang lalake na wala ka naming nafi feel kahit na isang kusing na kalandian...

I’d die young. It’s my theory. Maybe, I am most certain of. I think I’d die of heart attack or something of that sort. Why, all the signs are showing. I just can’t take a surprise when it’s horrible. At 25, I have a mild heart ailment. The doctor told me, the doors of my heart are banging mad after the blood is pumped out. I can feel it. Sometimes, it seems like my heart is skipping a beat, romantic as it may sound, but mine’s literal. I remembered Oral recitations in Law school exercise my heart too much. My hands get cold and my voice gets shaky. I go on cramming, trying to recall what I read but every time I do so, my heartbeat is louder than my mind thus, distracting me. My god! I am so young to feel this painful, biting strain in my heart. The reason why I don’t like riding roller coasters is because I fear that I couldn’t bear it. I think that my façade as a strong-willed, independent and go-wherever attitude just works so well that whenever I feel sad, lonely or depre...

Dear Lord, If I could use a wish right now and you would grant it immediately, I wish that my family will be as healthy as one could be. I am in an emotional turmoil. My thoughts are the worst and I just can’t sleep right. Lord, Please make mama well. I beg of you to never allow her to suffer. Please let it all be okay. Let it not be fatal. I wouldn’t wish just for myself anymore, just for my family to be healthy and happy. Please Lord? Love,