Regret
Anniversary…
Talked
with A yesterday. She said, “P, let’s take a leave on the 8th of Aug
to mark our first anniversary here in SG” and I said, “one year… ahh! Have we
become better?” She said, “of course!”
Wow.
Such conviction you have in there. Memories flashed…
Looking
back, I traded my job to something unknown. I’ve been receiving enough, getting
the best benefits, having fabulous leaves where I can travel to anywhere with
my good friends (who also belonged to the same company and been given the
chance to be allowed altogether for a leave) and most importantly, meeting
really interesting people… and then, BOOM! I chose to leap out of it. Do I have
regrets?
Apparently,
when you’re 24, it is the time of your life when you seek for more, aim for
more, imagine more… I felt there was something in store for me out of my
company, like I am destined to do more, and of course, see the world beyond my
horizon. What’s in the other end? 24 was a perfect time!
Now
at 25, the feeling slowly subsides. Yes, I do aim for more, imagine more but I
now seek less…
I
mean, within almost a year, I have gained a lot of experience. I was able to
see things from a different perspective, and perhaps, I was able to know which is
more important to me. At 25, I think and feel that I have learned so much. I
feel life got me in one blow and I was stunned. I was taken aback, but I chose
to stay still.
Seriously,
this may seem very unconvincing, but most of my closest friends and family told
me that I’ve changed. (I totally hope it’s for the better though). At 25, I
look and feel like I am 35. I’ve got worries of a mother (with 6 kids) plus the
imaginings of an old, senile woman. Like Duh!?
What the hell! I just can’t stop myself from feeling that way.
But
then I am learning, I now seek less because I know that what’s meant for me
always finds it way towards me. I can’t say the fire is ceasing to burn, it’s
just that Sometimes, the best way to face the world is to care less about its
details. Take things light and just go with it, there’s just no point
resisting.
A
lot of people who see the façade, remark about how happy-go-lucky, young-wild-and-free-ish
my life is, but if only people knew that I’ve got the brains of a mean machine
that never stops itself from doing its function, too influential that it
affects the whole of me, if they only knew, then they’d never want to be with
me. I am a burden. A mixed, bipolar persona who thinks so much about the world.
Good
thing there are people stuck with me. They’ve no choice. Haha. Anyway,
Answering, Have I become better? Any regrets?
I
can say I do. It’s true that experiences change who you are and how you see the
world. The more you become closely connected with nothing but yourself, the
more you feel appreciative of the people who stick with you. I feel that the
one year has made an impact on me, I’ve reconsidered so many options that I
find point-blankly odd and unacceptable.
As
for regrets, I am so sure I will regret if I didn’t take the chance to be here.
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