call me baby

Insane…

My sissy has gone nuts! I can’t believe it.

Imagine, she told me, “girl, I think it’s time for you to marry!”

Like huh?!?! Can you hear yourself? Are talking Greek? Am I pregnant? LOL

Not that I am tolerating, but, at this age? At this time of my life? And the bigger question is, who’s the groom?

As I’ve said before, one of my wildest dreams is to marry at 23. (My mum married at 20.) But I’m past the age so it will always be a wild dream. 25, this age, yes, I can marry. In fact, I feel I am ready for it. So much for being independent.

But yun na nga, sino? Like if pwede pa lang bumili, bibili ako ng lima at itatry ko na agad sino sa kanila ang magwork. But hindi nga ganun, it’s Love or nothing. Bakit naman ako papasok sa isang relationship na kahit mag holding hands e di ko maimagine, what’s the point?

And although there are few guys who come in contact with me, asking choovachoo, di naman ganun kadali yun. It takes time. Ewan ko ba, minsan over naman tung puso ko, parang walang nakikita. Sa isip ko, ok na e, go na, sa puso ko, di parin.

Undeniably, I get all panicky lalo na when people my age are going steady, about to marry or has a developing fetus inside. I get silent and trapped in a pandora’s box, thinking, bakit ba kay tagal naman nung akin?

Or maybe, I am too idealistic, baka afterall, my beliefs and principles are nothing but stupid hindrances to further growth? Hay naku! Depressing. My sissy told me, “know how to ride the boat, if it gets wavy, wave, if it gets faster, go fast, and don’t be too one-sided, that’s foolish.”

Yun na nga e, ang laki ng problema ko. One flaw, leads to another, and another until totally X na! hay buhay. I can’t imagine my life not having a hubby and yes, kiddos. That would make my biggest fears come alive.

This may sound lame, but since ikaw at ako lang naman makakabasa nito, pwede ko na ring sabihing, mejo overdue na talaga ako sa deadline. Pero ano naman gagawin ko, go for it kahit di naman intense yung feelings ko?

Minsan may mga lalake ding nakakainis e, gusto mo na nga, pa ayaw ayaw pa. Susme naman, e ako pa ang mag eeffort? Flirting 101? Oh come on! I may have the face of a flirty flirt but seriously, ako’y isang aminadong Maria Clara! So come to my terms or walang mangyayari.

And siguro nga mali yun, kasi from the past, walang umeffort ng bongga, so maybe I am asking too much. Hay ayoko nang isipin, nakakapagod.

Basta Lord, tulungan nyo naman po ako, kung sino man sya magpakita na sya at ng mabistahan. Di ba Lord, sa bawat kaldero may nakalaang takip, may nakalaang takip naman sakin Diba? Please help him make his way to me, safe and sound, alive and kicking! My hugs and kisses are waiting for him!

I’m going crazy na din, so call me baby! :P