coming home soon

The thing is I’ve been really excited about going home again. Alam mo yung feeling na pag naiisip mo, napoprovoke ka to imagine anong gagawin mo dun. Exciting to know na andaming bagong pwedeng itry since I left Davao a year ago.

It’s a mini-reunion for us. Liemy’s gonna come home too. Ilang days lang din, but ok na. And I am forced to believe na friends talaga kami. Imagine, when we talk about it, she’ll say “stop na please, I can’t sleep kasi maeexcite na naman ako” That’s just sooo me!!! Di nakakatulog. But my dear, isn’t it too early not to sleep? One month pa po, ayoko naming magmukha tayong zombie sa pictures ng ating reunion. ^^

It’s lil baktin’s birthday and am very much excited to see him again. I last saw him when he celebrated his fourth month. Ambilis, one year na agad. You know, iba talaga pag may baby sa family, nakakainspire, their innocence just erases all the burdens you’re facing. Their laughter is heavenly, nakakahappy. If there’s someone that’s just so dear to me, it’s Chino. I love him to the core! ^^

I’m excited to meet my good friends. Annie is coming over from Cotabato just for our reunion as well. Ana’s inviting me to some night swim via THEIR house pool. It’s really nice to see each one of them. Ang sarap lang sa feeling na kahit saan ka magpunta, you always go back to home with your most favourite people. It reminds me na bata pa din ako, I shouldn’t think too much about responsibilities.

Excited din akong… aherm, mag “hang out”. I don’t wanna call it a date kasi napepressure ako. As I’ve said, when it’s a date, it’s like having to come out from the cocoon and just be fabulous with girly moves. That’s just not me. I’d enjoy funny/ informative conversations while sipping some frappe or munching some fries with the comforts of dressing whatever I wish. It’s time for me to meet and know more about people. Yung walls ko ang tibay, di talaga natitibag and truthfully, I’m getting bored with my defenses. Nakakapagod pala.

Above all, I am just so excited to be home because I know that there are so many people who love me. It’s like being in a place where I know I should be.

I can’t wait to see you soon Davao!

visit

Dreams are subconscious thoughts that one is aiming to happen.

That’s what they say, could it be true?

Why, I dreamt of you last night, to my dismay.

It’s bizarre but very vivid…

***

I was in a trade fair attended by most of the people from school. I was the usual me, active and sunny. I was busy participating, getting through roles while having fun with my good old friends. I always have this thought that you will be attending but I never really expected you to be there.

I was in a room filled with busy people making something out from nothing. At one time, I had to go north to grab some stuff. I wore shorts that pretty much exposed my legs so I had to stop to put some cover on. I looked behind and there I saw you. I pretended to have not seen you and continued to go my way. As I reached and talked with the woman, I saw you coming forth towards me, again, I pretended not to care but my eyes were pointing back at you from time to time.

I hurried to avoid you but the woman held me back. You stopped and you said “Hi!” in your most appealing smile and cheerful eyes. In that moment, I felt my heart leapt and fell beyond its pattern. I wanted to say “hello” but I was too consumed by my bitterness, I gave you a smirk and head on to my destination.

In my mind, “how dare this guy to greet me as if nothing happened?” In that specific moment, I was fuming with bitterness that no one can console me but my self. I went straight back to the room but again, I saw you. You came near me but I avoided you like a plague. I wish I knew what to say to you so my heart will be drenched from all the pain. I wish I can let it all out, but I knew how pointless it was to discuss things with you.

While you were so alive talking with your friends and taking shots out from your new camera, I pretended to be as equally happy as you are. I was told how things have changed but I was still the same energetic me. If they only knew…

***

The alarm spared me from going through it all. I rode in the MRT to work and still my mind was consumed by you. It’s been years, you should’ve left my mind by today but how come, you still occupy me?

I don’t know how intense the feeling is, all I know is that I wished I never met you. I wished that whenever our paths cross again, I will be a whole me, free from bitterness. It’s illogical to continue hurting. It’s funny how I react so gravely about you when there was never a definite connection.

Maybe, this is me in my most undesirable state. Maybe this is me in frustration. Maybe this is me today… but I know, I’ll get over you someday.

As for a dream, it may be a subconscious part of a person’s brain, but I definitely hope, if it comes true, it will be in a friendlier way. No bitterness, no pain, no amount of sadness and no deadma show!