why try

3rd of July, 2018

I’ve always wondered why I put myself in such stressful situations.

My family would tell me to just go home and take my time first but I listen to no one and just push what I think is good for me. So no matter how difficult my situation is, I always try to stick with my decision to just go for it.

I don’t even know why I’m trying so hard. So hard to the point of getting my face full of acne due to stress.

I can just chill out a bit and take my hiatus but I always fear getting bored.

With boredom, I have all the time to think and thinking is a disastrous activity that often lead me to depression.

Frankly, I’ve always thought that I am born special.

I fight for what I think is right because I can. I’m brave enough to see it through. My idea of who I am is someone strong and capable. I have this picture in my head of someone tough but gentle, chic and cool. Independent but candid. I always think of myself as that so when I think of quitting? Quitting has never been an option.

Let’s face it, the world we’re living in is fuelled by power and money.

It is not to say that these are what is REALLY essential to life, but having either or both can make your voice heard, can bridge gaps, can jumpstart your goals and can make the world seem smaller than it used to be.

With not having either or both? You are one of the crowd. Mediocre. Common.

And yes, I have to admit that the picture of me in my head is nowhere mediocre or common.

So why am I pushing so hard?

It is for this reason.