doormat

Do not be a doormat!

…says my sister as I confide that I seem to have a habit of just taking in everything even if I don’t want to.

As I go through life, I discovered that the foundation of self is a key factor to happiness.

I have gone through multiple episodes of extreme loneliness. I’ve closed myself up trying to open up ‘cause who cares about my drama anyway? Plus I feel that sharing my personal problems sounds so lame. There were times that I vent out as I lose my control over my emotions (perhaps ‘cause it was too much?) and even though the people around me were supportive, it was hard to accept that they completely understood how I’m feeling.

I often wonder whether it’s just me or maybe, somewhere out there, I’ve got a friend who’s feeling like in the same sh*thole as I do. And yeah, I have… recently, a friend called me up asking if I was available to talk. I said yes.

I learned later on about her dilemma in her marriage. The line that struck me, “ Love does not suffice, you need to choose someone whose sh*t you can tolerate!”. I mean, that’s real talk.

I fell silent for a time and I was just transported to a different side of marriage thought.

Of course, I know that marriage is not a bed of roses and I’ve got tons of “experience” to prove that.  Then my friend said “I wanted to break up but when I think about my son, he loves his father. I think I have to endure this all my life”

And that got me to talk with a wide mouth. I mean, I get it, family is the most important thing in life. But I don’t get why you have to endure it all your life. Shouldn’t marriage be an avenue for mutual growth? Shouldn’t it be a two-to-tango thing?

Why only one has to work it out?

Disturbed, I told her that she needs to love herself more.

By loving yourself more, you don’t allow yourself to be in a scenario that you’ll regret on your deathbed. By loving yourself more, you don’t allow people to treat you like you’re always there for them while they were busy having fun and leaving you to do everything in the house. By loving yourself more, you begin to understand that your happiness is as crucial as theirs. By loving yourself more, you’ll realize that your existence is as precious as theirs.

Call me idealistic, but my reality has pushed me to feel the love within myself.

My episodes of extreme loneliness, emptiness and restlessness, put me up in a wall so hard I had no one to depend on to but myself. It dawned on me that no one can really understand what I’m going through as well as I do because I am the one experiencing it. It dawned on me that my longest commitment, the truest, the most authentic and the most loyal friend I could have is “me”. (I know it sounds narcissistic, but come on, it’s true)

It’s good being all nice and taking care of the people around you, sometimes at your expense BUT… putting yourself in a position to live life just to endure is like sacrificing yourself with no guaranteed result. There are some things temporary and there are some things which are supposed to be temporary but indulging, it becomes permanent.

Will it make you a hero or will make you feel bitter later on in life?

While we struggle to keep up with the pressures of family and work (even weight), we need to have a closer look at how we handle these things. Ultimately, we need to understand that our individual happiness does not necessarily equate to giving it up to make someone shine.

We coexist so we can all harvest what we deserve. And by what we deserve, we deserve to be loved, adored and needed.

Not just a ragged, rubbish and “throwable” doormat!