on knowing one's self
I think it is important to know yourself.
Friend: but don’t you know yourself at 30?
The question obviously struck me.
How can I possibly answer this question without confusing the other?
I guess it falls down to our different horoscopes?
Ever since, I struggled to maintain the sense of self.
I remembered one friend from way back in college when her boyfriend scolded her on the phone so loud that I can hear it. I asked her, does this happen often?
She said, whenever he’s angry.
My god! I sighed to myself.
I am stubborn and hard-headed with an ego to match. I am pissed whenever someone say something rude to me. I try to hold it in, though the Aries in me is about to morph into a vicious ram and ram that someone to give him/ her some sense. And I always win, win against doing so. I keep it cool, always have.
Then it brought me to think deeply, I am living my life in a way that is authentic?
Whenever I am angry, I try not to. I suppress it. Whenever I feel lonely, I make ways to have company. Why is this so?
My goal in life is to be sufficient as it is. I believe that when I feel complete as a being, all the others that comes to my life just becomes a bonus or a blessing.
Oftentimes, things happen even though you don’t want it. That’s a reality.
But far bigger reality is feeling so wrong even when you know it isn’t right.
For example, I told a friend, “you know what, I hate feeling jealous but I can’t stop myself.”
It’s as if you already know what is right but you just can’t stop yourself from being in the wrong. Alcoholics must’ve felt this way too, don’t you think?
My friend replied, “you should stop it.”
I know I should but it’s easier said than done.
So why do I need to know myself?
Because when these episodes of uncontrolled emotions come, even though I can’t stop myself from feeling and going through it, I would believe that I AM A PROCESS.
And going through this ,even uncalled for, is necessary for a favorable end result.
Friend: but don’t you know yourself at 30?
The question obviously struck me.
How can I possibly answer this question without confusing the other?
I guess it falls down to our different horoscopes?
Ever since, I struggled to maintain the sense of self.
I remembered one friend from way back in college when her boyfriend scolded her on the phone so loud that I can hear it. I asked her, does this happen often?
She said, whenever he’s angry.
My god! I sighed to myself.
I am stubborn and hard-headed with an ego to match. I am pissed whenever someone say something rude to me. I try to hold it in, though the Aries in me is about to morph into a vicious ram and ram that someone to give him/ her some sense. And I always win, win against doing so. I keep it cool, always have.
Then it brought me to think deeply, I am living my life in a way that is authentic?
Whenever I am angry, I try not to. I suppress it. Whenever I feel lonely, I make ways to have company. Why is this so?
My goal in life is to be sufficient as it is. I believe that when I feel complete as a being, all the others that comes to my life just becomes a bonus or a blessing.
Oftentimes, things happen even though you don’t want it. That’s a reality.
But far bigger reality is feeling so wrong even when you know it isn’t right.
For example, I told a friend, “you know what, I hate feeling jealous but I can’t stop myself.”
It’s as if you already know what is right but you just can’t stop yourself from being in the wrong. Alcoholics must’ve felt this way too, don’t you think?
My friend replied, “you should stop it.”
I know I should but it’s easier said than done.
So why do I need to know myself?
Because when these episodes of uncontrolled emotions come, even though I can’t stop myself from feeling and going through it, I would believe that I AM A PROCESS.
And going through this ,even uncalled for, is necessary for a favorable end result.
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