the truth

I’m such sadist.

There’s no bigger enemy than myself to myself.
Sometimes, I think about why I am enduring something even if I can just pack my bags and go, it’s not like I have a kid to feed, right?

So why do I endure?
I endure because I want to do more.
I endure because I want to be in several places more.
I endure because I need the money.
I endure because I somehow enjoy the thrill.
I endure because I don’t want to be bored.

Few of the things that I can easily come up with.

But does it have to be this… I endure only to let life escape me?

While this is a back and forth process or like a noisy record on repeat, and honestly, I’ve been really tired of this… but really, I’m subjecting myself to more STRESS and it doesn’t look good on me.

My health has been on a different high, bad high, that is. My looks, well, now I believe beauty fades. My weight,well, it is clear, it is inversely proportional with my bank account.
If I stay few years more… what do I possibly gain? More health risks? More acne? More stress? More depression tendencies?


Ugh.

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