prexypinoy to the world

Isn’t it weird to miss someone’s past? Like a friend whose past self was so much better than what she is today. Or a politician whose pre-politician days was much more laced with integrity than what he is today. I miss a friend’s past self. She was this happy, energetic friend who loves to have fun and loves life in general. She was bubbly, unaltered and innocent and few years passed by so quickly, she just morphed into someone calculated, secretive and mysterious. While I was with her the whole time, I really don’t know what happened to her in between. Although she was never bitter with life and her circumstances, she just became someone who closed off her personal stuff. She seems to have this world of hers that she’s so into it, and you see her so busy till late at night but you really don’t know the details. is she dating? lol I was put off guard, as open as I am with my affairs, she’s the opposite. At first, I wanted to know what it was but I realized th...

So I tried sleeping for an hour now, to no avail. I lie awake at 1240am when I should’ve slept an hour ago. Must be my period, on the onset of a period, I always find myself feeling all the effects of having an anxiety and needless to say, it’s being sleepless. As I look back and evaluate the things in my life, I couldn’t find fault on what I should be anxious about. I mean, I am at a pretty modest state of my life now, in fact, I am staying chill. I don’t think I have the reason to be stressed or depressed or anxious. The thing though is that, maybe, the people around me affect me directly. When I am with someone who seems to be so busy with life, I can’t help but think about how slow my time goes in comparison with that someone. It brings me to a major halt, am I really a bit lax about my progress in life? The funny thing is that, I know I am overreacting. I have been looking forward to this break and when I have it, I feel like I am very lax about life? It does ...

This is particularly one of those nights where I find it hard to sleep and sleep is very elusive. Why? And during this time, I can possibly create a masterpiece by writing, right? I guess I have to relearn being confident about my own. I am so used to having people around me that I get anxiety attacks when they aren’t around. I wasn’t anything like this. I always believed that I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, hell yeah. But I guess ageing gets into me once in a while. I am deeply envious of women who, at their 30s have already found balance within themselves, who are sure about what they want and how their lives would proceed. I guess I am anxious on thinking that I am starting all over again and it gets real tricky on how to proceed. What do I want with my life? What chance do I need to grab in order for me to say that I really am pursuing what I want. These thoughts are what’s bugging me. I have made a silent pact within myself to not ent...