anxiety attack

So I tried sleeping for an hour now, to no avail.

I lie awake at 1240am when I should’ve slept an hour ago.

Must be my period, on the onset of a period, I always find myself feeling all the effects of having an anxiety and needless to say, it’s being sleepless.

As I look back and evaluate the things in my life, I couldn’t find fault on what I should be anxious about. I mean, I am at a pretty modest state of my life now, in fact, I am staying chill. I don’t think I have the reason to be stressed or depressed or anxious.

The thing though is that, maybe, the people around me affect me directly. When I am with someone who seems to be so busy with life, I can’t help but think about how slow my time goes in comparison with that someone. It brings me to a major halt, am I really a bit lax about my progress in life?

The funny thing is that, I know I am overreacting. I have been looking forward to this break and when I have it, I feel like I am very lax about life? It does not sum up, simply because I often forget about the purpose of this break.

I realized that the reason why I am feeling anxious is because I compare myself. The cool part about being myself is being comfortable with myself but nowadays, I seem to lose that part. I wonder, how would I relearn that? How would I regain what was lost?

Also, I am very attached to so many things inn life that I grew comfortable with the idea that they will always be there, so at a first sign that the object or the person is breaking free from my hold, I seem to get really anxious.

I don’t know how or where to begin with this anxiety damage control thing. I guess it has to do with my mindset and of course, having the courage to restart my life. I’m thinking I should break free from the objects or the people that I am used to, that way, I may be able to control feeling anxious and think of it as a means to an end.

This break is instrumental in so many ways. While I was busy making a living, I forgot about the life I’ve wanted to live. I forgot that my main goal is truly just inner peace. To sleep comfortably at night and not feel regret every morning that I wake up late from just because I wasn’t able to sleep the night before. This insomnia thing is really not my thing and I’ve been keeping tabs on dates when I can sleep peacefully, those nights are precious.