grand design

This is particularly one of those nights where I find it hard to sleep and sleep is very elusive.
Why?

And during this time, I can possibly create a masterpiece by writing, right?

I guess I have to relearn being confident about my own. I am so used to having people around me that I get anxiety attacks when they aren’t around. I wasn’t anything like this.

I always believed that I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, hell yeah. But I guess ageing gets into me once in a while. I am deeply envious of women who, at their 30s have already found balance within themselves, who are sure about what they want and how their lives would proceed.

I guess I am anxious on thinking that I am starting all over again and it gets real tricky on how to proceed. What do I want with my life? What chance do I need to grab in order for me to say that I really am pursuing what I want.

These thoughts are what’s bugging me. I have made a silent pact within myself to not entertain these thoughts but at one point, I need to figure out one by one, where do I want to go.

I am keeping myself positive amidst the pressures because why not? I am single and basically, I am only responsible for myself (TRUTH) I am confident that I will do well in life because I have it in me, from the start but this process of pausing makes me impatient About how my story actually unfolds.

I’d like to think that 10 out of 12, face this crossroad in life. Where you need to decipher the given codes and possibly match it on which door to choose. Or are there even doors yet?

I want to be calm, perhaps too calm. To have the inner peace within me that this has been planned out and there’s really nothing I can do about it, whether I sleep or not, I am ACTUALLY following the grand design that God has in store for me.

I want to believe that my destination is predetermined and whether or not, I worry, it really is pointless as I am still going to arrive at that specific destination.

10 days after my second grand exodus a work, it seems that I am sitting in a hot seat. I am uneasy and restless. I wonder if I miss working or if I miss home.


Either way, I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man, but it would be good to have one. hehe

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