overboard

My one true love, Christmas season!

There is something in it that gives me the inner joy I always wanted to feel. There is something in it that creates in me a tingling feeling of satisfaction, of completeness and most absolutely, gratefulness.

There is so much to thank Him for. The chances he gives are unimaginable.

Anyway, this season brings in me a lot of realizations. This is somewhat an out of the ordinary season for me as it stirs in a lot of emotions. Perhaps, I can say that I am growing up. I get to feel more and more of it. The self-discovery and more challenging is the acceptance.

Ho Ho Ho Ho! amidst my Hu Hu Hu Hu...

This year, It brings about all the excitement. That aside, I am half- hearted. Maybe this is my way of learning things. This is fate's way of teaching me things I ought to know.

And the flashback hit me, I am not an island, I am not that someone who is capable of staying strong the whole time within her dilemma. I choose to be weak this time. I choose to feel how it is to feel this way without suppressing my slightest emotions. I am not that immune with heartaches. I hate to think about it but that's the truth. There's no sense denying that.

When I was in kindergarten, I was popular with those whom they call, kids who got the "talent". I'd top every kid in my class in my aim to get a straight A in "vocals", why, I've got the loudest scream when my mother tends to leave me.

Funny but the present situation I am in drew me to my realization that all through out those years, I am not that independent. I would like to believe that I can stand alone and carry everything over my shoulders but in me is a kid. In me is the same kid who cried the loudest when somebody tends to leave me. In me is the kid who screams out loud and shriek, begging my mother to accompany me until my teacher says "dismissed". In me is the kid who tugs my mother's skirt and tells her to wait for me. In me is the kid who seeks company and belongingness. In me is the same kid who had trouble with anxiety.

I've gone a long, long way. I've traveled vast across lands and seas but still I have the same problem. But everybody needs to say goodbye and most logically, everybody needs to move on.

Anyhow, I know that this is just a phase. This is just a part of my growing up. I know I can handle this but I need time. I need space and I need support.

See, Christmas season is much defined nowadays. But even so, this is still my favorite time of the year. More Love and Love, that's all I need!

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