till next time

It isn't just me.

The feeling of emptiness rushing through my veins and even before it happens, I am preparing myself. The truth hurts. The truth guarantees my loneliness and the truth is, I have to face it.

I learned awhile ago that my sister's good friend is feeling just exactly how I feel. You know, seems like a door is closing on your very face. It seems like getting one's self ready for the inevitable and yet, you don't know how.

The sad thing is, no matter how I try to prepare for it, still I just couldn't accept it as easy as I thought. Funny when I think about my sister's friend, trying to gather herself back again. She often refuses lunch invitation because she wants to have it alone. Somewhat, preparing herself for her going solo since my ate is leaving her in CDO. I heard that she's losing it, nakakawalang gana daw since she'll be left alone in their so-called battlefield. And surely daw, she'll miss the times when they do things their way, and that everything will never be the same again.

Pwede maka-relate? Because seriously, that's how I truly feel. I am like a soldier where all my mates went MIA and it's only me who's left, fighting the battle alone. If truth be told, I dread this feeling. This is one of those times I wish I never really cared much about rapport and relationships. I wish I was insensitive. I wish I would never feel like this again.

I know it's for a better reason. I know it has something good in it but no matter how I think about all those goodness and reasons, I just couldn't help myself from falling apart. I just couldn't help but feel like going back to scratch again.

It must be the same feeling when a family have to say goodbye to an OFW family member in search for a greener pasture. I once heard, it pains the one who left but it pains much more for those who are left. I guess that makes sense.

December has in it the excitement and joy but at the same time, sadness and distraught. My good friend is leaving me. After almost three years of being together, from getting hired, experiencing from day one training until daily basis in this bank job, she's resigning effectively on the 31st of December. New Year, would surely be a new year for me.

But anyway, what keeps me going is what I read from her resignation letter, she noted "I thank this company for giving me the chance but I am resigning to PURSUE my OTHER DREAMS". If there's any consolation, it is her, making her dreams come true. And I realized that friendships should be like that. It doesn't matter who's to leave or be left, what matters is the giving in, the support and the care you show for her to grow. No matter how painful it is for me, I have to let her go, after all, it's her life, her dreams to chase.

But I guess, what's left for me are the memories we had together... the good and bad times we shared. (Okay, stop the melodramatic tone. I hate it.) It should come easy, yes, it should be.

But until the 31st of December, I should just chill and let it happen. I've got no hold of everything. I'll just wait for that day, hoping my heart goes blank to avoid pain or opens up to accept the changes.

Wish me luck. And oh, my sister's good friend, since we're on the same shoes. It isn't just me, right?