prexypinoy to the world

In this world, there are only two kinds of people, those who have dreams and those who are nonchalant. The first category is where I belong. My dreams may sound idealistic to some, impossible even, but to me, I live for that small ray of hope that someday, my dreams will come true. I would want someone who would support my dreams and not question it. I would want someone who will be there to hold my hand in my process of achieving it instead of someone who tells me to stop wasting my time chasing it. I would want someone who dreams same or different dreams rather than someone who is calloused and bitter about life. I get that dreams are dreams for a reason and it would be nice to continue living because aside from the daily routine, you have this bigger picture of what you want your life to be. It is not to say that you are blinded by a false interpretation about life, but you aim to do more within the given time frame you walk in around this world. I used to thi...

620am i was deep in sleep when I heard someone telling me, “ter, are you okay?” I didn’t realize I was screaming while asleep. But I knew I was screaming in my dream. I dreamt about a neighbour trying to break in our house. A neighbour which we knew since birth. He’s someone with a list of bad things. In my dream, I saw him hammering his way to break a glass window in the toilet. In my dream, we were in the living room when I heard the knocking sound so I went to check where the noise is coming from and found myself in the the toilet and to my horror, I saw someone trying to smash in. I saw his face and the evil grin somewhat taunting me, “what can you do? I’m gonna get you!”. I was shocked, shaken and I screamed! I wanted to get my parents’ attention so they can run to find out what’s happening with me in the toilet. 9am I am now sitting in the office and somewhat having chest pains. I guess my dream extends in my reality. It’s like having to feel the pain altho...

Then I asked myself, Am I overreacting? Am I being oversensitive? Am I clingy? Am I anything that I do not want in a friend? I have been rocking the same boat for a while and quite literally, I am sooooo nauumay na about it. I feel as though I am putting myself in the same pit over and over again, can I move on? While I can run a few reasons why I hate myself from being too involved, I can also pinpoint a number of reasons why I need to know. I am open and honest and I expect the same. Sadly, I can’t force someone to do it just because it’s not her genetic makeup. I want to laugh at this stupid dilemma that I am in. But this made me lose sleep a couple of times. I asked a dear friend for an advice and she said, it’s better if I leave it as that. I think so too. But I die a little every time I miss out something. I am skeptical whether I need to trust this person. But you see, we’ve been friends for so long, and there were good more than the bad times....

There would be days like this… When all I want is to have an alone time. Being in a crowd or in constant company with someone, sometimes makes me feel as though I am losing touch on myself. I keep pride on being steady but sometimes there are days when I just want to hide and take my precious sweet time, by myself. It’s not because I am feeling down or sad or anything dark but it’s a beautiful thing to be in tune with yourself. Having no one to influence your opinion, having no one to listen to, having no one to mind or take care of, having no one to interact --- but yourself, is something that I once in a while need in my life. I am so used with myself that I miss ME in days when I feel like I’m spending too much time with others. There are days when I feel as though I’m losing my individuality just because I became too close with someone else. There are days when I feel suffocated just because my judgment is clouded by the people’s opinion on a certain predicamen...

Excerpt from my notes: And he asked all the possible guys in connection to me and I calmly named a few. I see no interest in answering ‘cause there’s nothing and no one to speak of, in its truest sense anyway. How interested is he in the works of my life? I wonder. I don’t find anything extraordinary about myself other than my being independent a nd my crazy love for travels. It amazes and scares me at the same time, having someone so in-depth About knowing what and who I am. Calm my heart, I need to.

Dear MY future child, Mummy is 30 now. Whenever I think of you, I get the peculiar sense of excitement enveloping around me. Will you get my eyes? My odd mannerisms or my undeniable guts? Will you get my fearless and funky attitude or my love for the arts? I want you to know that I’m looking forward to having you in my life. I don’t know when though, but perhaps when the time is right, God will bless me with you. My child, I want nothing but your best interest at heart. Mummy will give up so many things to give way for what you need and want, provided it is good for you. Mummy will try her best to be the coolest mom she can possibly be. I want you to know that I love you very dearly. My hopes for you are as high as the mountains and my faith in you is stronger than the waves of the ocean. I want you to learn the basics. Get the best example and instill in you the kindness this life has to offer. And when you’re ready… I want you to go out ther...

Excerpt from my notes: And his voice reminds me of my fave disc jockey back in high school. The crisp baritone voice with a tinge of both gentleness and melancholy makes me feel as though he is the reason why radio programs are made.  The sinewy feel with the lowest of decibels that complements my candidly unmodulated voice makes my stomach lurch seemingly with hundreds of butterflies inside.  And when he talks to me, i feel as though I am the personification of his dreams. The answer to his long standing prayer. And so is he, to me.

What’s your most favourite place among the places that you’ve visited? 1… 2… 3… 5 seconds passed and I failed to answer. How can I choose among those places when they hold dear memories to me? These places left an indelible mark on me about gratitude and humility. These places made my dream come true and my imagination a living reality. I answered, first of all, I cannot choose a least favorite place. Each place is delightful and amazing and makes me totally in love. Secondly, these places were straight out from the magazines. As a kid, I’d always see myself in there. In retrospect, I never really knew if it was possible. Then he asked, Europe, US or Asia? And without batting an eyelash, I answered Europe! Why, not everyone is given the chance. To be fair, NEW YORK is what I had envisioned it to be. Young, bustling with a peculiar hint of vintage. It was electrifying, energy-boosting and hulluvah excruciating to be in that city. ASIA on the othe...

Do you ever feel that you’ve actually found the one and yet you try to play it cool by brushing it off and just think less about it? Well I do. And I’m keeping myself afloat and not be too into it because chances are, I’d expect much and get hurt in the end. The people around me say, he is the one! I know. I feel it too. But it is such a long road from here. It’s like being scared all of a sudden just because the one you’ve waited for so long is presenting itself in front of you. Anyway, I think I am overthinking things again and I should stop pre-empting things because I don’t want to be heartbroken and disappointed in the end. I’m taking it slow. Real slow. Steady. Kalma, my heart and kalma people! :P