So Easy

You know that feeling when you love a song so much you play it every single day… until one random Thursday you hear the first five seconds and think, if I hear this again I might vomit?

Yep. Olivia Dean’s So Easy (to Fall in Love) does that to me. I loved it. I cherished it. I basically made it my personal anthem. And now? I need space and other songs!

Call it my personal enigma. It does not only happen with a song or a place. It happens with people too. When I like something or someone, I go all in. I monitor their appearances. I am a publicist. I am a brand ambassador. And then… the intensity fades. I get too consumed at first, and then it dies down like a phone battery at 2 percent.

Take Nadine Lustre, for example. I was such a huge fan during her OTWOL days. I loved how simple she seemed, selling her used clothes at a garage sale. I found it refreshing. A celebrity decluttering like the rest of us? Iconic!

Then she kinda morphed into someone else. She made a full 360 turn. And somehow I was the one who got dizzy. I lost interest.

I do not think I have that die hard fanaticism persona. My friend once told me, "why not check out a BTS concert? You might become a fan."

Listen. I like some of their songs. But to spend a crazy amount of money to watch them live? My pockets and I had a meeting. The answer was easy: Hard Pass. I am a fan of John Mayer, but even then I kept myself in check with ticket costs. I am not a fan-fan. You know what I mean? I am emotionally invested but financially responsible.

If there is anything I am dying hard as a fan, it is the people close to me.

I am a fan of my sister. I am a fan of my friends. I am a fan of people who, no matter how much they struggle, still show up every day. I am a fan of people who refuse to dump their anger, misery, and emotional heavy lifting onto everyone else. That takes strength. To me, that deserves merch.

I am also a loyal fan of sushi, dimsum, and pansit. No character development there. I will never get sick of them. I am a fan of traveling and how it makes me feel small in the expanse of the world but big in the expanse of my mind. 

I am a fan of reflective podcasts. I am a fan of transformational leadership. I am a fan of people who try to be good even when being evil would be the easier shortcut.

Some things I will outgrow. Some songs will be overplayed. Some idols will fall off the pedestal I built for them.

I may outplay Olivia's So Easy (to fall in love) but I will always be a fan of love. That one, I will not get sick of.

No matter how my role model of love fails me.

Or no matter how long I have to wait.

Or no matter how my over-two-decade prayer still remains unanswered.