life is beautiful

A sister is an extension of your self.

We are so alike in a hundred different ways and so different in quite a number of ways too. We fight, we argue, we become too verbal but at the end of the day, I’ve got no one to call to but you.

I am most grateful that I am given a “konsensya” in the form of my one and only sister. My weirdness escalates to a subliminal level that even I cannot fathom what I truly feel. It’s quite awkward to share bits and pieces of your weird thoughts to friends because it’s either they laugh at you and take it as a joke or pan you out of their lives. Ignore aliens.

I have never been too confused about life as I am today. Looking back, I only have one simple dream (apart from being a lawyer or a flight attendant) I only want a complete, healthy and happy family of my own. And today, I feel as though I am too far away towards that dream. Sometimes, when you share too much information, the tendency is over sharing but with a sister, no information is too much or too less. It just comes naturally. And these thoughts of a dream for example may be too much to friends (who don’t dream of this anyway?) but with a sister, she is interested in your hopes and ideals in a deeper, filial way.

What I love best about my sister is her being able to understand me even when even I, cannot understand myself. Her ideas are outrageous but comforting. I get depressed nowadays more than I have ever been depressed in the past. The mind just produces weakening hormones that feels you sick and dispensable. Most of the time, I endure things because I wanted to prove myself that I am strong enough to be the last woman standing but when times get tough, and I feel like giving up the approach of my sister would not be the ordinary “don’t give up or go for it” types of statements rather, it is the “nothing to lose” “live life to the fullest” “go for what makes you happy” types of encouragement. And I believe, it comforts me in ways no one ever did. I feel relieved that someone out there takes my happiness as the prime consideration and not the chances that I have foregone or the distance that I have travelled as “sayang naman”!  

I can say that throughout my journey, my sister has always been a special part of it. No amount of money, fame or big deal careers can ever define me in the eyes of my Ate. One time, I was in a tough situation of accepting a job offer. I was so confused that I seek the advice of my sister. She told me, “go for what makes you feel at ease more. You say the offer is from a big name? What’s in a name being big when you won’t feel happy as you are today in your current job?” Then I told her, “you know what, it’s going to look good in my resume” then she told me, “the fact that you came from a good bank here in the Phils is more than enough to win you over to more big names in the future. So steady, go for what makes you happy”

Anyway, this life is offering me so much learning. At times, I’m too stubborn not to pay attention. I get tired, stressed and burdened. I feel that as I grow older, I have so many unnecessary emotions. I am never the emotional type. I am built to last the harshest of winds but the moisture is swallowing me up and making me shrink all at the same time.

I am grateful that even though I am experiencing quite a number of turbulence in my life, there are people who stood by me and never fail to make me feel that it’s alright. It comforts me to know that whether or not my endeavours do come to an end as a failure or a success, it does not really matter. What matters is the smile on my face and the old jolly me.

Life is beautiful.