Till we meet again
If it's meant to be, then it is meant to be...
The irony of it all is that, even sayings, quotes or whatever you call it, has its own counterpart. In this case, "It's you who make your own destiny."
Isn't it confusing? complicated? and extremely doubtful? Ah... the true meaning of life.
So now to the story proper...
A good friend finally decided to take off. She has finally decided to just let go and dive. I remembered the night she texted me and said, "Pee, I have told them" and surprised, I am not. I have been expecting it. In fact, I have expected it to happen early on.
We were two separate individuals bonded by the career we chose. We met years ago in college and haven't really known each other until the moment we sat in the airport waiting for our jet. That was almost three years ago. But perhaps it was destiny. I remembered applying for another bank before graduation. I had my interview days after. One day, I went there and talked to the personnel and while I was leaving, she came by the door, looked at me, never with a smile. The rest, I swear I told myself she was a snob.
Later, I found out, just like me, she was in the same company that I am in. We took the training hand-in-hand. Days grew and I got to know her. We have shared various memories. And most often than not, It makes me smile. The way she blurts out her remarks, the so-lady-like moves, the rapid facial expressions. I knew she was different. I was shocked we shared the same workplace. Day by day, it's her that I get to see and talk to. She have become a good good friend. I found my "kakampi" in her. And now, after two years... I am to be alone.
I wonder what would my career life be without her. I wonder if the branch is still the same without her. I wonder if I ever find someone who can be so weird as her. This is one of the times in my life why I always thought that attachments can become really burdensome. This is one of those that I wished I have really prepared for. I hate goodbyes.
It sounds really selfish, but I found comfort in the fact that I have her behind me and vice versa. We shared secrets and even talk about it secretly in the workplace. Our office mates would wonder what we are up to. Sometimes, mouthing words and whispering things we share in common. Those comforts you can only share with not just an office mate but a friend, in and out of the office.
Reminiscing the moments would be painful because as much as I would like things to be the same, there will always be movement. A chance for growth. An opportunity to widen the perspective. And that happens now.
Sometimes, I get to wonder, will I able find the courage to risk it all? To close my eyes and just dive? To make my mind go blank and just flow? To leave everything and begin from scratch? I wish I have the courage. I wish my mind doesn't do all the thinking. I wish my spirit will consent. I wish I would never hear anything from anyone saying "Sayang!"
Ah. Seriously, I think that the thought we had of leaving the career we chose would be materialized and the materialization would be a natural thing. But as I can see, it is really really difficult. I cannot imagine myself zero. I cannot imagine myself thinking and thinking all over again of my rough future. Someone would yell at me, "You lummox! What do you think will you be doing now that you are jobless?" Ah. I wouldn't dare. I am scared.
Oh well. Cowardice is a choice. Or perhaps if I wanted to make a mistake, I should have done it earlier. Or maybe, this is the best time for me to make a mistake and leave, go where the path leads me. What path? See... I am lost.
But there's no worst feeling of being lost than losing someone who had been a very special part of you. But as much as I feel really pathetic, I would like to share the joy of her being completely free. The liberation sure is excruciating. Ah... I can feel it but not as much as she would soon.
Anyway, as I said, should it be destiny, we will see each other again. Same persons, same bonding, different career path. Till we meet again, future FA! (or is it travel agents for free travels?) :D
The irony of it all is that, even sayings, quotes or whatever you call it, has its own counterpart. In this case, "It's you who make your own destiny."
Isn't it confusing? complicated? and extremely doubtful? Ah... the true meaning of life.
So now to the story proper...
A good friend finally decided to take off. She has finally decided to just let go and dive. I remembered the night she texted me and said, "Pee, I have told them" and surprised, I am not. I have been expecting it. In fact, I have expected it to happen early on.
We were two separate individuals bonded by the career we chose. We met years ago in college and haven't really known each other until the moment we sat in the airport waiting for our jet. That was almost three years ago. But perhaps it was destiny. I remembered applying for another bank before graduation. I had my interview days after. One day, I went there and talked to the personnel and while I was leaving, she came by the door, looked at me, never with a smile. The rest, I swear I told myself she was a snob.
Later, I found out, just like me, she was in the same company that I am in. We took the training hand-in-hand. Days grew and I got to know her. We have shared various memories. And most often than not, It makes me smile. The way she blurts out her remarks, the so-lady-like moves, the rapid facial expressions. I knew she was different. I was shocked we shared the same workplace. Day by day, it's her that I get to see and talk to. She have become a good good friend. I found my "kakampi" in her. And now, after two years... I am to be alone.
I wonder what would my career life be without her. I wonder if the branch is still the same without her. I wonder if I ever find someone who can be so weird as her. This is one of the times in my life why I always thought that attachments can become really burdensome. This is one of those that I wished I have really prepared for. I hate goodbyes.
It sounds really selfish, but I found comfort in the fact that I have her behind me and vice versa. We shared secrets and even talk about it secretly in the workplace. Our office mates would wonder what we are up to. Sometimes, mouthing words and whispering things we share in common. Those comforts you can only share with not just an office mate but a friend, in and out of the office.
Reminiscing the moments would be painful because as much as I would like things to be the same, there will always be movement. A chance for growth. An opportunity to widen the perspective. And that happens now.
Sometimes, I get to wonder, will I able find the courage to risk it all? To close my eyes and just dive? To make my mind go blank and just flow? To leave everything and begin from scratch? I wish I have the courage. I wish my mind doesn't do all the thinking. I wish my spirit will consent. I wish I would never hear anything from anyone saying "Sayang!"
Ah. Seriously, I think that the thought we had of leaving the career we chose would be materialized and the materialization would be a natural thing. But as I can see, it is really really difficult. I cannot imagine myself zero. I cannot imagine myself thinking and thinking all over again of my rough future. Someone would yell at me, "You lummox! What do you think will you be doing now that you are jobless?" Ah. I wouldn't dare. I am scared.
Oh well. Cowardice is a choice. Or perhaps if I wanted to make a mistake, I should have done it earlier. Or maybe, this is the best time for me to make a mistake and leave, go where the path leads me. What path? See... I am lost.
But there's no worst feeling of being lost than losing someone who had been a very special part of you. But as much as I feel really pathetic, I would like to share the joy of her being completely free. The liberation sure is excruciating. Ah... I can feel it but not as much as she would soon.
Anyway, as I said, should it be destiny, we will see each other again. Same persons, same bonding, different career path. Till we meet again, future FA! (or is it travel agents for free travels?) :D
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