not me

Anjan ka na naman, tinutukso tukso ang aking puso…

What’s new? I’m an old soul reincarnated in an ‘80’s body. It’s always like that, never changed, fully vintage even in some of my principles. And my friends tease me for that.

You told me, you claim to be so old skool and yet your acts are different. I snapped at you and told you to elaborate. Well, you said, I say different when I’m talking with you on the computer. Like I can do everything, it’s all possible, but when I meet you, I’m coy and a bit indifferent. How can I be old skool when I’m so much me in the computer and a different me when we meet?

Ambot pud dong! Nganu man gud pansinun ng mga ana. I don’t have any defense as to that accusation. I’m like that. Do I need to consider visiting my psychiatrist? Like to me, alangan naman super close asap?

Girls talaga have this identity complex na when someone says they like you, it turns out to be, mapressure kami to be what you thought we are. It’s natural. But it doesn’t mean naman it will be like that forever, syempre pa kiyeme at first but lumalabas ang tunay na kulay after. It’s like that. Parang boys lang yan, ang sweet pagnanliligaw but fades out in the end. The irony of genders.

Ang dami mo kasing tanong. Eh wala naming clear kung anong dapat isagot. You see, I am very straightforward, I’m not a mind reader so KISS, Keep It Short and Simple. Ganyan lang naman yan. Minsan kasi sa dami ng sinasabi nawawala sa totoong pinag uusapan. Ang hirap imonitor kung ano yung point.

So there, I told you I like you. So what? Don’t use that against me. Don’t be too sure about youself. Kahit ayaw ko, wala akong magagawa, same thing, I like shrimps kahit di dapat, I like shopping kahit di puwede, I like travelling kahit magastos. But that’s just about it. I like you. Simple.

I have liked someone for a long time that I fell for him in the end without telling him my exact dilemma. I wouldn’t dare do that again, ‘cause it’s so hard to move on. How can I move on when ako lang ang nakafeel? It’s not even mutual. In fact, it was so stupid of me. Plain idiot to have fallen for someone walay klaro.

So now, I make it a point to be neat about it. I like you. I can like so many you. I can like a lot better than you so wag paimportante.

Finally, I don’t know where this post is going. It’s just that, please don’t show interest if you’re not really interested. Don’t give false hopes. Don’t promise. Don’t talk to me unless you mean it. Don’t be too involved with me or I shall distance myself to spare my heart from unprecedented reactions. Don’t make moves you cannot keep. Don’t make paasa. It’s pointless.

And yes, If it’s a game to you, go ahead find another player, I’m lame and poor in energy. I can’t keep up. I’d better go and find peace in my sleep. So please, Spare me.