prexypinoy to the world

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I have just made a right choice. There’s no point of return ‘cause I don’t want to return. It will not be an easy feat from here on, as I am cutting my means of financial freedom and I am starting from scratch again but there’s no better timing than what I have in the moment. I am glad that I made the decision because it means I am taking the risk to get better chances at life rather than being passive and just letting life pass me by. I am actively participating in life by thinking about new ways to reinvent myself, to ignite my passion with other things that I am capable to do. I am putting on a brave face every time I think about being jobless ‘cause it’s my first time in a long time and yes, I do believe that it won’t take long. I am particularly inspired these days when I heard about a Kdrama’s advice on a daughter who resigned from her 9-year-job  when the dad said “Beyonce wouldn’t gain immense succ...

I love you, Park Min Young! I know I am taking this fangirling mood to the next level but I guess, it’s what every fangirl’s heart is all about. Gosh, at 31! You admire someone because of their talent and you try to dig in deeper about their real life characters in the hopes that what you see is actually what you get in real life. PMY is not an exception. I have watched Netflix’s Busted and found her interesting. I love her level of cool, unafraid to hold a snake, to touch something from a hole where you wouldn’t know what’s in there. She is a problem solver and she knows how to use her charms for her benefit. She seemed calm and collected, logical and funny at the same time. She was fun to watch. After watching Busted, I began to search other works of her. I watched Healer, watched her interviews, watched BTS on her various dramas. I think she’s pretty and honest, two combination I am looking in someone to be fanatic with. Right now, she's with Park SeoJoon in the...

Believe in yourself. I always look at people with so much positivity and I hope to emulate it from them. I am surrounded by people who are either desperate or anxious about getting ahead in life and with that, I feel the pressure to keep up as well. It’s like I am queueing for something which I am not so sure what is it about but I keep queueing because I don’t want to fall last, anyway. Then I had quite a time for reflection and thought that maybe, I’m super conscious with keeping up with everyone that I lose sight of what I really wanted to pursue. Becoming safe by riding the tide with everyone else is good but in the long run, I don’t want to look back and say that I’ve wasted my time chasing something that did not really have a meaning to me. It’s like I’m ordering a luxury bag. It is so trendy and I’m getting excited about it just because I would have it like everyone else but not really because I am not into it in the first place. I realized that I need to fi...

My parents always told me, “Go for it, follow your dreams!” And because I always hear it, it makes me braver to think that I can do just anything because I always have people who got my back. I was not born wealthy but my parents never really took much emphasis on what we lack. We don’t have much but we have enough. Now that I earn my own money, I seem to go back and forth on who I was and who I wanted to be and it somehow creates a gap on how I perceive things. For instance, I want to be a woman who has power, who is independent and who is brave to tackle life head on. However, to do that, I need to be a woman who has money. Money to have freedom to go after what she wants and to have the independence to go without asking help. But when I look deeper and reflect on what’s essential in my life, I trace my roots on being just enough. I am fine with being who I was and I am more than okay to live like I used to. I am in a state where I’m trying to figure out wh...

That agonizing feeling when you wait for your name to be called by your professor but praying endlessly that you won’t be the lucky winner for today’s oral recitation… That excruciating feeling of being next to kick the ball in your sixth-grade kickball praying earnestly that somehow your feet will do some miracle and you’d hit it on the spot… That extreme nervousness when you wait for the result of your medical test praying to every saint that your results will show negative… …. Is the same feeling that I’m feeling while waiting for the result of my job interview. I went to one last week and it was not easy. Back then, when I had job interviews, the morning I’d look at the mirror and I knew I would be awesome that day. I have that level of confidence where I always think that I’ve got nothing to lose and it’s the company’s gain if they hire me. It’s not as if I’m narcissistically drunk with the idea that I’m the best. In fact, I lack in so many aspects but w...

I watched Miss Hammurabi last night and I downed about 5 episodes. One line struck me most, it says, “you can’t compare the sorrow of the victim with that of the suspect.” This is corresponding to sexual harassment in a workplace where the boss uses his power to intimidate the intern. The company ousted the boss notwithstanding that he was a top performer. The intern was painted to be oversensitive for the boss’ green “jokes” and that everyone was treated the same, the boss likes to joke with sexual innuendos and even sends messages to interns with a picture of his hairy chest. The boss asked for leniency in court since he is the breadwinner and he has kids to send to school. The judges convened to make a decision and they take into consideration whether the termination of his employment was too harsh as punishment and they mentioned that while the termination means a death of the family, having no means for financial support, it does not make him less liable. The sorr...

So I handed my resignation after a long deliberation. It felt weird because the moment I gave the letter, I thought, “why did I take so long to just do it?” A sigh of relief escaped me. I felt light. I felt free. I never expected that I’d feel much more alive now that I’m leaving. The catharsis felt bigger than the worries of being jobless. It is a liberating feeling to be removed from the shackles. I think I lost 5 years of my age! :D Perhaps because there’s nothing really left more to do than to move on. I always mentioned about maximizing my potentials but I am not doing anything to make it happen and when I mustered the courage, it’s like a new door has finally opened to me. Also, I ended my tenure on a lighter note. I was satisfied to come this far. I have done everything I could, I did my best in every possible way. I have paid my dues and for that, I have no regrets. It is in knowing that some things are really not for you and you have to let go ...

The next morning, I was up early! I was getting excited with the idea of finally eating rice! Yay! We had a hearty breakfast and we head out much livelier than usual. We went to the same route and managed to come out from the “maze” slightly faster than the day before. We tried to ride on in a gondola but backed out the moment we heard it’s 80 euro per pax minimum. Instead, we opted to just ride the traghetto later in the afternoon, it will still cross a bridge, not San Marco though, but at least it crosses via canals. The feeling will still be there. Or so we hope. Hehe We spent the time going into luxury shops, window shopping (mostly) and we checked out locally made gems. We bought some souvenirs and head to try an Italian restaurant tucked almost secretly in between narrow alleys. The good thing about Europe is that, wine is relatively cheaper compared to coke. We had a grand time just taking in the moment to sit there, chat and experience the venetian vibe. ...

The sun light creeps in the wooden window sills with glass panels and thick curtains. I was disoriented when I opened my eyes. I remembered I was on the third floor of our Airbnb house in Venice. I saw Anna still dozing off and J heading slowly for the bathroom with her towel. “Ah, I have a few minutes more before I go to the shower.” I lay there trying to sleep a bit more but the excitement on seeing Venice in daylight is just too strong to resist. My energy is back to 100% and I am visually imagining what I’d see when I step out of the house. I got out of the bed and head for my luggage. “I guess I need to sort what I’m wearing for the couple of days that I’ll be here.” and for that day, I managed to pull on a sweater, a culottes and some scarf, later I will decide which coat to match it with. I head on to the kitchen and sat there, just absentmindedly looking at what’s around me. The Airbnb house was fully furnished with microwave and a refrigerator. Except for ...

It was dark and air is cold. We arrived late after being left by a plane in Amsterdam. The bus came to a complete stop. A woman’s voice on a speaker spoke Italian as if it was music. “what? Is this the stop?” I asked. Then a friend said, “it must be.” I have read earlier on, that Venice has this vehicle control system. The number of cars and buses are very limited and you have to take boats to places. “This must be it!” I thought to myself. We pulled our luggage where everyone were heading to and found out that we arrived in a water taxi terminal. Language was a bit of a barrier since not everyone can speak in English. And so we figured how to buy tickets for the boat from observing people as they come and go. We were waiting for the boat and the terminal is lightly packed. We had time to look around and at first glance, I knew Venice is everything I imagined it to be. With moonlight reflecting in the canals, it was a sight to behold. The gentle waves of the wate...

July 5 2018 (which is 4 th of July, US time. Happy Independence day!) Today, I am handing my resignation. After many sleepless nights, unending back and forth, constant spacing out… I have finally reached a point of surrender. This is my 2 nd resignation in my 10 year span as an employee and in the same way as my first, my hands are cold and my heart is about to burst. Perhaps because everywhere I look, reminds me of how I started in this company. It is my first company and first job in the overseas and looking back, I can’t help but travel down my memory lane. I am indebted to this company because it opened its door for me when I needed one place to stay. And for that I am eternally grateful. However, as time passes by I can’t help but think about my development. Career-wise, I have been in the company for almost seven years but I never even stepped out from my initial position. I have gone through so many tough times trying to keep this job because it...

3rd of July, 2018 I’ve always wondered why I put myself in such stressful situations. My family would tell me to just go home and take my time first but I listen to no one and just push what I think is good for me. So no matter how difficult my situation is, I always try to stick with my decision to just go for it. I don’t even know why I’m trying so hard. So hard to the point of getting my face full of acne due to stress. I can just chill out a bit and take my hiatus but I always fear getting bored. With boredom, I have all the time to think and thinking is a disastrous activity that often lead me to depression. Frankly, I’ve always thought that I am born special. I fight for what I think is right because I can. I’m brave enough to see it through. My idea of who I am is someone strong and capable. I have this picture in my head of someone tough but gentle, chic and cool. Independent but candid. I always think of myself as that so when I think of quitting? Qu...

Whenever I think about home… honestly, right now, I think about the problems. I don’t want to be nega but I can’t help but cringe at the realities that I will be facing. I am concerned about the discomfort of being surrounded by people who need help. As much as I want to, I want to help others. If I have it, why not? I don’t live solely for myself BUT I am in a position where I need help myself. I am in that cliff as well, hanging by a thread. Trying to climb slowly while trying to hard to never look at the rapids below me. The normal me would respond coolly to situations wherein someone approaches me and asks for something but I’m nothing but normal nowadays. I am off the grid and so I am very concerned about the pressures that it will do to me. The least I’d want to hear are discouraging remarks that make me lose my zest to go on. I don’t want to hear problems because it sinks me. It pushes me to think black about life. At the most, I’d just want to float. ...