heart to home


Whenever I think about home…

honestly, right now, I think about the problems.
I don’t want to be nega but I can’t help but cringe at the realities that I will be facing.

I am concerned about the discomfort of being surrounded by people who need help.
As much as I want to, I want to help others. If I have it, why not? I don’t live solely for myself BUT I am in a position where I need help myself. I am in that cliff as well, hanging by a thread. Trying to climb slowly while trying to hard to never look at the rapids below me.

The normal me would respond coolly to situations wherein someone approaches me and asks for something but I’m nothing but normal nowadays. I am off the grid and so I am very concerned about the pressures that it will do to me.

The least I’d want to hear are discouraging remarks that make me lose my zest to go on. I don’t want to hear problems because it sinks me. It pushes me to think black about life.

At the most, I’d just want to float. Float into my own brand of suspension. I want to have a time to think about what I really want to do with my life and to find peace within myself in waiting, and that it won’t be long to figure that out and go for it.

I want to be strengthened. I want to be in a shade of light that focuses on my goals. And this time, I won’t just follow blindly, once I figure out what I want, I will see it through the end. That much conviction and passion that has been missing out in my life.


I don’t want to be comfortable just because it’s safe. I want to be comfortable under my own skin. I want to take some time off to deal with my issues. I want to understand myself better. I did have the time to discover myself alone, but after 7 years, I am coming home to discover myself again with the ones I love.

I am praying though that the issues that haunt me before, won’t haunt me down again. Home is where the heart is, and I’m trying to put in that heart back to where it was.


Aja!

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