true wait

That agonizing feeling when you wait for your name to be called by your professor but praying endlessly that you won’t be the lucky winner for today’s oral recitation…

That excruciating feeling of being next to kick the ball in your sixth-grade kickball praying earnestly that somehow your feet will do some miracle and you’d hit it on the spot…

That extreme nervousness when you wait for the result of your medical test praying to every saint that your results will show negative…

…. Is the same feeling that I’m feeling while waiting for the result of my job interview.

I went to one last week and it was not easy.

Back then, when I had job interviews, the morning I’d look at the mirror and I knew I would be awesome that day. I have that level of confidence where I always think that I’ve got nothing to lose and it’s the company’s gain if they hire me.

It’s not as if I’m narcissistically drunk with the idea that I’m the best. In fact, I lack in so many aspects but when it comes to attitude, I know I’m more than enough.

Last week’s job interview, sounded like my one horrible interview few years back.

It was horrible because instead of being asked and assessed, I was judged in a way that I became so speechless.

Job interviews are supposed to be a two way thing but what happened way back made me feel insulted, humiliated and extremely caught off guard in a bad way. It was a borderline of a verbal abuse.

I knew then that the job was not for me. It’s like them telling me “we don’t need you”, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to say “the feeling is VERY mutual, thank you very much.” It was a relief!

My interview last week reminded me of that terrible interview that the moment I stepped out and my friend messaged me “how did it go?” I am most convinced that I flunked it, anyway.

The interviewer seemed very authoritative. I was surprised that he asked about what my job scope was and when I answered him, he corrected me. In my mind, “wait, are you the one who’s in my body the whole time I was doing my job?”. He felt very condescending.

I was offered a salary lower than what I was getting because he said I needed to start from scratch. At one point, I tried so hard to maintain a poker face although I wanted to react in a way that is true and honest about my real thoughts. It was one of those horrible interviews, really.

I was praying, “God if this is not for me, please take it away. I don’t need it.”

I always believed that with waiting, the best is yet to come.

I just have to be patient and take my time instead of being anxious and worried and grab whatever comes my way. Fear is the lack of faith and I have to keep the faith, no matter what!

Aja!!!