guilty

I feel so guilty.

I have been flooding twitter and my friends think that they might check on me. They're curious on what happened to me.

This is one of the disadvantages of blurting out problems in public. One of the many reasons why I love to blog is because I can be too personal without friends knowing. Yes, public can see it but mostly chances are upon strangers browsing others blogs and had me next when they press that tiny button in the upper left side of this blogging site.

I just wouldn't want to be verbal about it. I have my own therapy, writing. I prefer to write than to speak, for speaking can make me change my expression and tone of my voice. I hate when people around me feel pity over me. 

We go through processes. We go through certain phases in this life and I want to go through it the peaceful possible way. I don't need to talk. I don't need to speak. I don't need to see the expression of their faces. I don't want charity. I don't want sympathy, for once, I just want to be me without too much editing.

I don't mean to make friends intrigued about my situation. That's a far cry from what I wanted to do. I just wanted to vent out, to let it all out, to release feelings that burden me at this point in time. I don't need people prying over my affairs. I don't need even the closest of friends to feel as though I need help. Sometimes, someone who listens is the one most helpful. No words, actions or deeds needed, just a simple ears to be lent to.

I feel as though I am guilty that I have to be private about it. I just don't like talking about it face to face and telling everything from the start, it relives what is supposed to be forgotten. I owe it to myself to go through it in harmony with the rhythm of my heart, after all this is my life, my feelings and my heart that is broken.

And when I'm over it, I'll be glad to share it to my friends, as an experience to be laughed upon over a cup of coffee with some yummy chocolate cake.