rest in peace

I saw her in the airport and I was taken aback.

She looked friendly and tried to strike a conversation but I acted weird, I was distanced. I was sorry but I just can’t help myself from feeling this way, she told me.

And I said, “Well, you aren’t known to have so much pride. You’re fresh and cool about everything unlike me who takes insult like a wound poured with a salt. We’re different.”

She said: “that’s why I don’t know why I reacted that way. It’s awkward; I just don’t want to talk.”

Then I told her “maybe it’s time to leave things behind. Maybe it’s time to let it all go.”

I get where you’re coming from.  There are people looking pretty with all smiles at your front but stabs you with a million daggers at your back.

I don’t get them. Seriously, I don’t really mind people hating me for things I cannot change or are hard to change. I don’t expect everyone to be pleased with me. Personally, I’d rather have someone who doesn't talk to me instead of having someone who enthusiastically talks but feels forced to do so. What’s the point anyway?

It started during the era of Friendster, my sis and I have this consistent hater who sends us messages of how assuming and bragging we are of ourselves and our family. That we are nothing but mere dusts. The hater seems to know about us, our education, our age, household names, everything except our personalities. The real us.

Funny that instead of taking offense I felt sorry for her (yes, she’s a girl… I am sure!) I feel sorry for her anger, for her grievances and perhaps her misfortunes. I feel sorry because the only way to relieve herself from her pains was to attack us in the most personal way. I feel sorry that she’s driven by what she only sees on the outside. I feel sorry that she commits sins just by making us feel bad ourselves. I feel sorry that despite her efforts, we aren't affected. I feel sorry that she feels jealous and haven’t seen the good thing about herself.

My sister and I may have looked so tough but it pains us to see someone losing control just to irk us. If there’s anything, I don’t think we’re worthy of the time and effort really. I just feel we’re a dot in this huge, extra huge world and there’s so many things to put your time and energy into rather than attacking us. I felt that it was not the bravest thing to do. I felt that she’s just putting herself in jeopardy by minding us than minding enrichment for herself.

We have people in mind. We have suspects even the nearest of kin. We've heard enough. You've talked enough. My wish for you, may you find the joy in your heart to appreciate what you have. May you find and realize how lovely you are and how lovely the world is if you only see things in a different perspective.

Finally, may you rest in peace! Much love and Happiness! J