2015...

As this year is about to end, I am seriously thinking about my future…

Haha.

Believe me, I tried a hundred times to avoid the thought. I’ve been dreading thinking about the reality of getting older. It’s too self-consuming, bothersome and yes, I feel pressured.

Alongside keeping up with being a grownup is a growing desire to achieve more, earn more and build more. I have been clear about my goal of success as being HAPPY but I get all consumed by the fact that I need to do something in order to get something.

Which brings me to my thoughts of making concrete plans about my future. Do I have enough? Do I really like the way things are? Am I happy staying this way? These are what make me preoccupied these days. We’re hitting January 1 and next thing I knew, it’s March and it’s my birthday. I am going to be 28!!! Just 2 years before the calendar evicts me…

If I stay here in Singapore, keeping my job, okay… will I be happy? Honestly, I feel anxious. I don’t want to go through the same world-shattering experiences I have encountered for the last 2 years. I’d just be pretending that everything’s okay even if it’s not, and yes, I am changed in ways that I do not like, I feel burdened with zest-less events in life. That’s soooo not me. There’s more to life than keeping the job in order to pay the bills.

What do I want to do then? Well, I’d like to try and live somewhere else… Australia, New Zealand, Canada or the US. I have been keeping an eye as to how I’m gonna start to apply for migration… ah, I hope God will help me on this.

I am also thinking about venturing into biz, but I don’t know, I am quite hesitant because I am inexperienced. I would love to travel more too, Bonjour Europe and Hello America!! I want to get a driver’s license and make time to learn how to drive, of course. I want to build my own house, a sanctuary, free from negative ideas of the people around me. Seriously, I need a place in Davao, away from painful truths and obvious lies. I just need to get away from the heaps of negativities.

Lastly, I want to FALL IN LOVE. Ahem. That moment when you feel you’re ready to open up, share yourself to someone who adores and respects you for what you are, who accepts your level of weirdness and tolerates your degree of independence. Ahhh… that would be amazing.

There’s a lot of things I want to do in 2015. One day at a time, baby steps. I do not want to worry about the things in advance. I just want to live happily, forever thankful, chase some of my dreams and feel at peace.



Lord help me.

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