there's more to life than lovelife

“Anong plano mo? Okay ka lang ba kahit ganyan ka lang?”

Pumalakpak ang aking mga tenga. Teka! Teka! Anung ibig sabihin.
Parang nakakainsulto ata ang tanong. Wrong choice of words.

Kinalma ko ang aking sarili at nagtanong, “bakit? Anong ibig mong sabihin”
Ang gaga sabay kibit balikat at nagsabi “wala naman”
hmnn.. malamang nakuha din nya na deep inside nagwewelga na ang damdamin ko.

Naisip kong mas makabubuting hindi na ako bumuwelta, bagkus kelangang, “I-let it go, let it go..”
Pero pagkatapos ng pag uusap na yon, kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, nagmamarka ang katagang “okay ba na ganyan ka LANG?” Ano ang masama sa pagiging single? Ano ang masama kung Masaya ka naman sa takbo ng buhay mo?

Hmnn… ang totoo, mahirap ding mag explain. Sa paulit ulit na tanong “bakit ka single” marahil makabubuting magrecord na ako ng sagot. For English, press 1, for bisaya press 2.

Bakit ka single? She pressed 1. For practical reason press 1, for philosophical, press 2. for concise, press 3. she pressed 3. Because I am single! And I like it that way, for the time being. At dahil hindi sya kuntento, she pressed 1. Because I have so many dreams pending to come true, I cannot afford a relationship for now. Hindi pa rin nya matanggap she pressed 3. Because love is a choice with the consent of the heart. And at one glance you don’t think your heart wants it, then so be it. Someone will come and let you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. At ngali ngali nyang sirain ang telepono. Bakit sya single? To speak to the kinauukulan, press 0. At dahil hindi nya talaga matanggap ang mga naunang rason, she pressed 0.

“Yes hello, this is P how may I help you?”
Why are you single?
“because this is my life and I have a say whether I remain single or not”
Why nga?
“because I haven’t found the one yet”
Why?
“because I am comfortable this way”
Why?
“because… okay.. I admit I am quite scared to share my life with someone with so much access. I am afraid to depend on someone so much that it hurts me if we would end up in vain. I know I am over thinking, overanalyzing and overreacting. But fear is such a strong magnetic force that would want you to remain still and just be contented with who you have. And it takes someone extraordinarily ordinary to break into that wall of fear that I have been keeping for so long. And yes, that someone hasn’t arrived yet”

Aaminin kong may mga pagkakataon din naming naiisip kong masarap sana kung may kasama, kakulitan, kalandian.. at kung anu-anong ka- HAHA. but for me, hindi naman kasi napipilit ang mga bagay bagay. If there’s something that I am very sure of in this life, eto yung WAITING. I believe andun ako sa point na nakakaya ko ang delayed gratification. I have been waiting for right chances, right opportunities, right timing and so far naman, yung mga plans ko, umaayon sa RIGHTNESS kasi nga, hinintay ko.

Sa bawat pag inog ng mundo, may saktong timing yan, hindi naman pwedeng ang araw at buwan, parehong lalabas kasi may natural flow of things sya. Tulad ng love, in my opinion, sumusunod din sya sa natural flow. Kusang dumarating, kusang nawawala or napapalitan ng bagong intensity.

I find it odd for a person to tell me, “be in love na!” or “unsa paman imung dugayan?” again, it’s not a matter of being in love, mapipilit mo ba ang sarili mo kung di mo talaga gusto? Parang sapatos. Pag bumili ka, tinatry mo bago mo bilhin, comfy ba? Maganda ba? Matibay kaya? Kung di mo talaga feel, kahit nahihiya ka pa sa saleslady sa bawat pagkuha nya ng size mo at effort nya sa pag promote, di mo talaga bibilhin.

Para sa akin, madali namang mag inlove inlove-an eh. Isipin mo lang ang bawat nakakakilig na eksena ng paborito mong koreanovela at tiyak na gigil ka sa kilig. Maiisip mo ang taong gusto mo at feel na feel mo ang bawat eksena. Pero yun nga, hanggang doon na lang, ‘cause sa mga tulad ko, I aim for a “REALationship” and to be able to achieve that, takes a REALtime hardwork, a REALtime process and of course a REAL person.

So yun. Bago pa ako bumuwelta na na offend ako, I don’t know if gets nyo ako. Basta. Ang hirap iexplain ng mga bagay bagay na hindi madaling rume-late, kasi among the population, ilang porsyento lang naman kaming bumubuo na ganito ang idea? Haha
But kaklaruhin ko… I WAS AND AM NOT A MAN-HATER (man eater baka pwede pa), I WAS AND AM NOT ANTI RELATIONSHIPS, in fact, I pray and wait for my time to come. I WAS AND AM NOT DESPERATE (that is why I wrote this post anyway, to shed some light).


Kaya nga itong si pareng Ramon, bet ko eh… I like the idea, there’s more to life than love daw… pero for me… there’s more to life than LOVE LIFE! Hihi (for now)

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