Good Morning Alexa

Imagine starting your day with a bright, "Good morning!" to Alexa, and she promptly kicks off with the latest barrage of world news, all gloom and doom. The war in Ukraine, Israel-Hamas tensions, and a host of other not-so-happy headlines – it's like the news has a subscription to negativity, right?

Let's talk about habits for a moment. They're like these sneaky little routines we do without even thinking. In my case, my morning news ritual was turning me into a pessimist before I'd even had my coffee. Instead of feeling ready to conquer the day, it felt like I was diving headfirst into a sea of worries. 🌊

I mean, who could blame me? When every headline screams chaos and conflict, it's tough not to feel anxious. The constant exposure to bad news had turned me into a professional skeptic – I couldn't trust anyone's intentions, and my view of the world had been thoroughly muddied.

So, I asked myself, "Why don't news outlets ever focus on the good stuff?" 🤔 Why is it always about the shocking, the grim, and the jaw-droppingly bad? Why don't they have a "Feel-Good Friday" segment? Seriously, that'd be awesome!

The world's become a noisy place, hasn't it? Bad news comes at you from all angles – TV, radio, the internet, even social media. You're just scrolling through your Instagram, looking for some relaxation, and suddenly, there's a war clip! It's like "Survival of the Fittest" has morphed into "Survival of the Mentally Strongest." We're tackling our own problems while carrying the weight of the world's issues. Not exactly motivating, is it?

Sometimes, I'd sit during my daily commute, gazing out the window, and all I'd see was injustice, weariness, and hardship. It made me wonder if life was nothing more than an endless grind, a relentless struggle driven by the fear of unpaid bills. 😟

But then it hit me – the negativity from my daily news diet had quietly crept in and consumed my outlook on life. I'd become a willing victim of "media-washing" (if that's even a thing!).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should bury our heads in the sand. It's essential to stay informed, but the balance is key. Let's make room for some positivity amid all the gloom. There's got to be some good news out there, right?

So, next time I greet Alexa with a chipper "Good morning," I'm going to cut her off and ask for some uplifting tunes instead. 🎶 Because who couldn't use a little extra positivity to start the day? 😄

Stay tuned as I embark on a quest for a brighter, more balanced start to my mornings. Let's bring some sunshine into our daily routines! 🌈✨

Thanksgiving weekend

It’s the thanksgiving weekend! I can't believe I am now part of this celebration being strategically planted here.

I love this season. It incites gratefulness.

In a world where people become highly entitled to anything, we look deeper within ourselves and realize that it’s not the world’s obligation to give us anything. In fact, and to put it bluntly, the world does not owe us anything. And with this comes the appreciation that you were chosen, you were blessed, you were fortunate to be given the opportunity to receive something. Maybe you did something right or maybe you got lucky? Either way, the fact that not everyone gets the same favor, nudges you to remain grounded and grateful.

A few months ago, I met with old friends. I was happy to share my journey here in Canada. As the conversation got deeper, I was asked, “Are you not planning to move to the US?”, I was literally speechless. I was unable to answer. I smiled.

It’s not the question that is hard to answer, it is the realization that my friends can now ask me about moving to the US, so casually.

America? Me???

It was like asking, “Are you not planning to go get groceries?” It was so unpremeditated and so… humbling if you ask me. America seemed to be like a distant dream. I have known someone who had his heart surgery there when he was young and when he told us that, I was amazed at how they could afford it! I have friends whose families have settled in the US, and I know for sure, that I am nothing like them financially speaking.

I am from a working class. My parents teamed up to make sacrifices for us. Growing up, finances were laid out in the open. My mom was quick to explain why they could not buy me new jeans or cool shoes on my whim. And because my parents were open, I understood that the new jeans would have to wait and most probably would be by my sock on Christmas day!

In my mind, there’s a stark contrast between those who COULD settle in America and those who are just like me. They COULD because they HAVE. I look back at the start of it all, from when I joined raffle contests hoping to win a ticket to Hong Kong, just because, I knew my parents could never afford it at that time. And then there’s my first plane ride to Manila courtesy of my sister, I was in college then. My first international trip was in Hong Kong because… Disneyland! It was truly a dream come true. When I look back, I’m just in awe. I had literally nothing, and yet… having the opportunity to move across the globe was somehow possible.

So, the idea of moving to America… I could not even fathom the feeling. I am just amazed at the idea that in somebody’s mind, I am someone who COULD now consider moving to the U.S. 

Does that mean I HAVE?

I don’t know. All I have is the guts. I don’t even have much passion for things. To put it simply, I’m just a hard worker. I just continued digging hoping I’d stumble on oil, if not gold.

But truly, I can’t believe where life has brought me. I always knew I was going to places but never really considered the far-away ones.

And this Thanksgiving season, this is just one of the many notions that make me teary-eyed.

I want to be reminded of the opportunities that were given to me and the prospect of also giving others a chance at life. I want to be reminded of the people who made it possible for me to traverse this path, some riding along with me. I want to be reminded of the likely good things that I have done and will be doing more, to come this far and perhaps, go farther.

Most importantly, I want to be reminded that nothing is set in stone, and with a grateful heart, I continue to move forward and forge new paths wherever life takes me. 

Groupthink

Groupthink

It is defined in Investopedia as a phenomenon that occurs when a group of individuals reaches a consensus without critical reasoning or evaluation of the consequences or alternatives.

With this phenomenon comes the branches of other things that usually occur. In layman’s terms, sometimes it can be maritessing.

That is when friend A says that friend B is a sl*t, for example. Then friend A says that she sees friend B with different cars dropping her off. Friend C would jive in and say, she sees friend B wearing heavy makeup all the time and is always on her phone. Friend D, E, and F will agree and give their supposed “testimonials”. All of them conclude the same destructive things against Friend B.

Friend E might have been peer-pressured to chime in. Friend F might make stories just to be “in”. It is a scenario that is very common in the society. Without proper evaluation, we just produce a solid conclusion. No Ifs and no buts.

Today, A mentioned that a temp stole a bottle of wine. She made B pull up the CCTV footage on the dates she purportedly thought the wine vanished. They called me to show me the footage. While watching, I observed how A was resolute in her belief that it was a wine that the temp took out from the fridge. I told them, it may just be a can of Pepsi.  A interjected and said, why would the temp cover the Pepsi? They called in C. I excused myself and took one bottle of wine and tested her “theory” and I feel like it’s too long to be something that can be stacked with a coffee cup. A argued that the camera was facing down so it may look short. With much conviction, A concluded it was a bottle of wine. While they were busy discussing, I looked at other details like if it was a bottle, the temp's hands should be far spread in between to cover the length. I found that his hands were normal. B and D chimed in with their theory of making a hole in the cup and slotting in the bottleneck. All of which, I found extremely ridiculous.

I told D to make sure that no one from the team took the said bottle. He laughed at me. When I told D, that it might not be a bottle, A mocked me telling me my idea was stupid. She was zeroed in with the temp as a thief. I did not understand.

Suspecting someone is a dangerous thing. In itself, it causes damage to the person. It does not only make the person feel bad but feel injustice. He is being judged without proper trial. It also makes the accuser look bad as well, especially, if the accused never did anything wrong. In the end, E came and told us that he gave the bottles of wine to F.

Groupthink… it is such a fatal phenomenon. Emotionally and legally. You destroy someone's reputation based on a baseless accusation. And when you leave no room to be debated or questioned about your conclusion, you convict a person based on your assumption.

May we always find wisdom in assessing situations. Just because someone says something does not mean it's the truth. Marcus Aurelius, in his book of meditations, says “Everything you hear is an opinion, not a fact. And everything you see is a perception, not the truth.”

go on

I don’t dwell on missed opportunities.

Or at least I try not to.

I’ve always been a hard worker. The type who looks so chill and perhaps, the type who gets what she wants, just because. My sister always tells me that my pursuits look so easy to me. Lucky for me, she knows me and the hustles behind it. Behind the scenes, things are messy. It is always under construction with bits and pieces of something from somewhere. 

Behind every little milestone, is me struggling to make sense of the world around me. It is me thinking about how to attack a certain situation. I spend an inordinate amount of time breaking down a problem and providing countless solutions. Even then, I have always been that. Sometimes, I ponder why I must work double, or triple times harder than everyone else. I know I am competent, and maybe it comes with the territory, but it gets toasty (for lack of a better word).

Toasty because I seem to fight my way through everything. I must defy the odds just to get a spot. I must get through the rough to secure my shine. I have to go through the hole of the needle, EVERY. FREAKING. TIME. And when you’ve been doing it for a long time, alone… I’d say it gets tricky. I get tired of trying. Trying is fun when I get to choose it and not when I need to.

A few months ago, I was the frontrunner for a job. To get through that point, I have championed several exams and a nerve-wracking interview. I can confidently say that it was in the bag. I was the person about to get the job as they were just finalizing the offer. However, by some twist of horrible fate, I got dropped. I don’t want to get into the details as to why and how but one thing’s for sure, I was extremely disappointed by the turn of events.

When something like this happens, things just get the better of me. I get so tired of trying that I resort to quitting. At one point, I got to be in a mindset of questioning. “Why am I doing this?” “What’s the point in all of this?” Sometimes, it pivots to dropping everything, “F*ck it, I’m done!”

Yes, I get bitter. But then I think deeply about it.

Perhaps, it’s the universe telling me, there’s something better coming.

Historically, my silver lining in my attempts is the ability to somehow navigate through it and come out alive -- a winner, even. In my attempts, I learned so many things about myself. I learned to let go. I learned to choose what to think. I learned the degrees of bout or no bout at all. I learned to fight, unequivocally, or to take the first flight. Most importantly, I learned grace.

In whatever things were thrown at me, I learned to react with refinement. For example, when someone speaks ill against me, I don’t essentially cuss them. I feel sorry for them. It must have been sad that the only way to get ahead is for them to thump on someone. It's despairing to think about people destroying others just so they can build themselves. It’s the lowest of low. I don’t see power in that. I don’t see self-esteem either. I see the shit-scared faces of people who must've been neglected. Of course, you cannot spread love if you are devoid of it. To have that as a strategy to progress in life, stupidly believing it leads somewhere, it's regretful. Well, we all know how the story ALWAYS ends.

My goals are beyond me and there’s no stopping on that gas pedal for them to materialize. I may have missed opportunities even though God knows how hard I worked for them. However, I guess that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do. To try, just because I may have the ability to go far with them. 

I’m picking myself up, shaking the dust off, and moving forward with positivity that what is meant for me will always find me, with or without much effort. 

Snakey

People are not what they seem.

Sadly, it’s a reality that we must deal with, no matter how painful this can get.

My sister always tells me that I am a black-and-white type of person.  I am resolute in thinking just about the two ends. There was no gray area. I used to be so conflicted with the idea of a gray area. What does that mean? Well, she said, I see the world with firmness. I see the world with only two opposing sides, black or white, good, or evil, etc. I have not considered the gradient, the in-betweens, the undefined.

Growing up, I expressed strong opinions, chose between two sides, and settled with one or either side and for that, I got into multiple petty trouble. For the longest time, I have struggled to come to terms with seeing more than I could possibly see, choosing from different spectrums, and possibly settling with the unimaginable. I figured I needed an intervention. And boy, did an intervention come cheap? It did not.

I met with different people and shared various stories. I read numerous articles and tried to learn as much as I could about the world from different perspectives. In a grand display of this desire to learn more, I moved to another country. I lived, worked, and traveled some more. It is in these expeditions that I discovered so much about the world, the people living in it, and especially about myself.

I learned that the gray area comes when people’s words do not match their actions. I learned that even though I am genuine, not everyone shares the same fondness. Some people’s survival strategies involve being sneaky. Nice to your front, terrible to your back. Behind your back, they create stories, opinions, and speculations about you. At first, you laugh because it’s a laughable idea designed to blow your mind. You laugh because you never thought, any sane person would believe them. But the joke’s on you because not everyone is as smart as you are. They believe what is in plain sight. That’s convenient!

People’s opinions can sway your thoughts about yourself. Sure, it makes you doubt who you are and what you can do, but if you see through what’s within, you will realize that opinions, no matter where you are will always follow you. And that’s where they exactly belong, behind you because your goals should be what’s in front of you. In the same regard, people’s opinions can sway how you think about someone else. But I try to give that person the benefit of the doubt. I give that person a chance to prove herself/himself wrong because people’s opinions shouldn’t necessarily be the measure of his/her own humanity.

Situations may instigate different reactions. People whom you regard as comrades, someone you root for because you started together will turn out to be an enemy. Some of your people will be quick to judge, to drop you at their most convenient time. While you act with loyalty, some of them will turn you in for greater profit and personal gain. It will hurt you but know that the problem lies in them, not with you. You can’t do anything about them. You pat yourself; you deserved better.

Feelings go from Yes to absolutely No. Because our minds are wired to think about something in a gazillion ways, sometimes, our feelings get interconnected with it. There’s such a thing as “I don’t hate – HATE you.” From my previous self’s perspective, I’d go nuts, “What is he saying?” But now, I go, “I don’t – DON’T UNDERSTAND” you.  Okay, so you hate me to what extent?” I learned about degrees, clarification, and sublimation before abomination.

You help people who accept help. If a person refuses them, then scoot on. As much as you would like to offer aid to the fullest of your ability, you cannot walk the ends of the Earth for them. You cannot carry all their loads for them. You cannot live their lives for them. You help as much as they allow you to. You should not make them feel invalid.

The most important ally is yourself. What you feed to your soul should be a nourishment, not its cause of decay. Sure, you can have lovers, family, and friends but above everything else, it’s always yourself. You are your priority because you cannot provide aid for others if you also need a rescue. You cannot make someone complete if you feel depleted. You cannot give what you do not have. End of story.

It took me a long time to process where the gray areas lie. It’s an endless process of experiencing it as it comes but I understood what my sister meant. It made me think big. It made me allow room for mistakes. It made me seek less perfection. It helped me understand where I stand and what to expect. And trust me, I went back and forth with my trust issues. It’s still a battle half-won.

But even though I went through them and compartmentalized them, once in a while, I still get disappointed over humanity’s indecisiveness. It’s people’s nature to trust and get betrayed. It’s a vicious cycle. But I always remind myself, I am only responsible for my actions. I may act in complete regard but then again, it’s a lost cause if it’s a “them” over a “me” issue. 

hitting the brakes

I decided to make a big purchase.

There was someone who wanted to see the car today, but the seller suggested that we could meet last night, and I agreed. I met with the seller and the first thing that he did was to open the hood. That thing was funny, when I saw it, I just thought it was dirty and lacking any colors.

He expected me to check the engine, and pull up the dipstick to check the oils, perhaps? But before now I had no idea what a dipstick was. So, all I did was look at it on the surface. Never touched anything. Then I did a test drive. The car’s dashboard was too wide. I had to slow down and gauge whether I can fit into double parked cars in our street. Then I told the seller that I can hear a noise, but he said, we should try it on the highway. He drove. I can’t hear anything.

The seller might have thought I know about cars because prior to the meeting, I asked him several questions. I just asked him the things I remember from reading on the internet like the VIN and Carfax. Then he said, I do not have the Carfax. I told him that was okay. I might have been willing to shed out $ for it if it was the only way to check if the car is working. Then hours later he said, “I just paid $70, here is the Carfax” However, I have no idea what to check in this document. But I am surprised at his responsiveness. He complied with all my demands without qualms about it. I could say I am a little bit impressed. 

While on the drive, we talked about his job. His Hollywood moment. He was in Planet of the Apes. Believe me, I am unbelievably ignorant about films and movies and if there was one question about it in “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” as a contestant, that might have been the reason for my failure. Anyway, I just pretended I knew what Planet of the Apes was all about although I have no idea. LOL.

After that, I was and am convinced that he is such an interesting persona. I could feel that he is a good person. When we got back to the parking, I was excited to make the purchase. I had no cash with me and the banks as well as the auto plan were closed. We decided to do everything today.

When I told my dad last night, he said, “Are you sure about it?”. Well, I won’t lie and say that the purchase itself never kicked some thrill. It did. “I’m sure” I replied with a smile. Then I went to bed. An hour or so later I couldn’t help but think, “Is this right?” “Am I making a sound decision?” “Really Labli, buying without a mechanic inspection? Pure Genius.” I couldn’t sleep because my gut was telling me that while I believe the guy, I might have to pay a handsome price for maintenance later. The car and the guy are two separate things.

You know, I always pride myself as someone who reads and research about stuff and somehow makes it on the practical exam. But with cars, I just don’t know anything about it. So today, after my conflicting thoughts, I messaged the seller and honestly told him that we may have to do a PPI. He agreed. While I do not like last-minute changes, I have been glad to hit the brakes before the grand acceleration. Until then.

Hostage

So Last week was super intense. I had to do two nerve-wracking, make-it-or-break-it exams. To say that it was easy would be a lie. At one point, I wondered how I always subject myself to challenges and yet feel so short of unleashing my own true power.

When Heart E. mentioned  “I love it that I am not a hostage to anyone”, I felt that. In my case, I don’t want to be held hostage by my own feelings and fears. I’ve said it then and I am saying it now… one of my greatest fears is not realizing my full potential. I would want to dive headfirst and see if I can survive. And if I will, only then I could say that I have somehow, lived. I don’t want to curb my thirst for adventures just because it’s safe to stay on the shores. And for the longest time, my career has been the opposite of that. I felt restrained.

I never tried switching jobs in Singapore because I grew complacent. Why change a routine? I grew accustomed to a lifestyle that adapted well to the job that I was doing. I spend time together with the same people and worry about the same things.

Looking back now, I could’ve tried something else. I could’ve changed jobs and assessed which one fitted me best. I could’ve gone into dates and friendly rendezvous. The break came to me when I finally decided to quit. From there, I tried to follow the wind and set my own sail. It was one of the most liberating and grand experiences that I have tried.

Now that I am here, I want to try as many things as possible. I want to meet new tribes and gather new experiences. I thought about challenging myself to climb greater heights. I want to see where my guts take me. I want to go as far as I possibly can and never look back. Because it is through these pursuits that we would understand what we are built for. It is these pursuits that define the limits and miles that we can travel in this journey through life.