palibhasa bata

Mama, next year na...

And she was like, "Are you sure? Why?"

Wow! At para naman kaming nag-usap ng aking pagpapasakal, este pagpapakasal noh? Ngunit sa di mawaring dahilan, siguro'y ganun na nga ang parang nararamdaman ko. Yun bang, excited na medyo natatakot? Yun bang Handa na pero may ideya pa ring umatras? Yung ganun.

Pero hindi, hindi kasi dapat magdalawang isip sa mga panibagong hakbang na tatahakin. Sabi pa nga, "when in doubt, don't do it"... Eh paano nga kung susundin ko yun, ano nalang kaya ang mangyayari sa buhay ko? Mananatili akong naka hang sa ere. Hindi alam ang gagawin, nakalawit ang dila, magulo ang buhok, blangko ang ekspresyon at walang kabuhay buhay ang mga mata. Ang sagwa!

Naiisip kong siguro ay panahon na. Hindi na naman ako bumabata at kelangan ko ng matutuhan at makilalang maigi ang aking sarili. Isa itong sugal, napakalaking sugal na lahat yata ang itinataya. Siguro nga'y hindi wais ang ideya kong ito. Ngunit sino nga ba ang makapagsasabi kung ano ang wais at ano ang hindi sa buhay na meron tayo dito sa mundong ibabaw?

Ang alam ko segurista ako, pero sa daloy ng aking pag iisip sa ngayon, hindi ko na kabisado. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung hindi ako mag iisip ng maraming "what ifs" pag nagkataon. Yun bang, alam kong nagawa ko naman ang gusto kong gawin. Yun bang alam ko sa sarili kong, umunlad man o hindi, atleast man lang naranasan ko. Kaya man o hindi, nag risk ako.

Sabi pa nga, hindi naman lumalakas at tumitibay ang isang tao kung hindi sya nakaranas man lang ng pagkauntog at pagkadapa. Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay kaya nating protektahan ang lahat sapagkat ang pagkadapa at pagkauntog ay isang prosesong nakakapagpatibay sa pundasyon ng ating pagkatao.

Wow, ang lalim nun! O diba? pwede na! Pero gayunpaman, nais ko munang samantalahin ang pagkakataong ito sa aking buhay. Nais kong bigyang laya ang aking sarili upang maranasan ang mga nais kong gawin. Nais kong mabuhay one day at a time ,'ika nga.

Pero hangga't hindi pa naisasakatuparan ang aking mga balak. Ako'y steady muna. May mga plano ako ngunit alam kong mas may malaking plano para sa akin. basta sa ngayun, go lang ng go, kakayanin ang mga pwedeng kayanin hanggang sa...

Abangan ang susunod na mga kabanata... =))

cheesy

Para kang tae, di kita kayang paglaruan.

Define Cheesy.

Parang nauuso ang pagiging keso. When someone tells you something like, "you know, para kang alarm clock..." and you would say, "Bakit?" then he tells you, "kasi ginigising mo ang natutulog kong puso", it is corny right? But then something inside you feels a little more than glad. It feels good.

And sometimes you would wonder, this guy is such a player. You would want to forget his pick up lines, get busy with momentary duties and yet when you remember what he said, you just couldn't help but smile. (babaw ba?lol)

Anyway, I was able to watch MAG as in My Amnesia Girl. I first thought it was a so-so movie. You know how Pinoy movies are, super predictable. But then, this one got me going. I couldn't help my smile and laughter especially on the batuhan ng lines part. Palaban si Irene eh.

And I must say such a career development for Toni G, who I've known, is not much of a on-screen kisser actress. The previous movies she had with Sam was more of lips to cheek, nose, forehead and hands. This one, wow! amazing, lips to lips na! haha

Anyway, let's not tread deeper on that issue, my friends would react vehemently and more often than not, I am always caught off guard. Oo nga, wala naman akong sinabing masama diba? haha

So yes, I have considerably enjoyed the movie. Sometimes, I can be so into the mood. I know I am capable of being cheesy once in a while. Who cares? Being single does not mean you cannot feel kilig noh! Much is expected pa nga from you eh. Kasi nga, open for business ka pa. (forgive the term)

Anyway, so I guess I am looking forward to more of these. Life is a one way ticket, not only that I pass to it in a flash but I want to have all the fun I could get.

So cheesy? Why not! (paminsan minsan lang naman!) =p

unworthiness

I don't get it.

Every time I hear his name, I only have the word, "IRRITATION" written in my mind. My veins have mind of its own, the blood rushes through channels and would stagnate inside my brains. It takes awhile to regain my sanity. I feel really bothered and feels capable enough to destroy a hollow block in one karate chop. (violent eh noh?)

Oh really, I don't want to sound as if I'm that sporty because I know I am not. (I have accepted that) but this guy is so capable of making me feel these sensations. Mygosh! Makakalbo ako sa kakaisip sa kanya. The nerve!

Okay, I could not discount the fact that we've been friends. Long ago, yes we did. And somehow, we shared moments and memories I am supposed to cherish. What went wrong? I don't know. I just realized one day, something has gone wrong. Our ways drifted apart.

Maybe I lost the connection, or maybe I must've realized he has something within him that's so weird, the kind that you would dread and would possibly make you believe he has a maluwag na turnilyo. Or maybe...just maybe, I heard stories I did not expect to hear from him.

Can't you recognize rejection when you hear one? Why force yourself on someone who has no interest? Can't you feel what I am trying to show you? Can't you just go and leave me alone? These questions are what I wanted to ask him for so long.

I know this is mean but I just couldn't help it. What transpired before was long forgotten. Tell you what, we couldn't be just what we were before because, now is different. Now is the present. Now is what I am currently into and that does not involve you.

Sure, you want us to be friends but you should've known me, I don't like people pushing me. I don't like dictations as I am full of it. You should've known that the more I am pushed, the more I am to rebel. The more that you demand something from me, the more I intend not to give it as I don't want to be pinangungunahan. Call me stubborn, I don't care!

Have this note inside your head: "Let time do its wonders." Someday, I might come to you and act as if nothing happened. Someday, I might connect with you again... And that "someday" should not be imposed by you.

For now, leave it as it is. Let me heal, let me figure things out on my own and let me be ME.

I hope you get this!

truly asia

Fantastic!

Being in a place where 99% are strangers is something new and exciting. My eyes would grow its widest just to observe how these strangers act in their own land. I would enjoy sitting by the pavement and looking around. My mind would do its wander and I would forget what time it is, where I am and how I was able to get there. I am lost in my observance.

It's like travelling into a place where all you have is yourself and your English. And of course, some money to get by. It's like dreaming but you'd find yourself lost in the vision of your dreams as it comes to reality.

So, Malaysia was what I kinda envisioned. The place, the view, the language and of course, the bigger component, its people. Kuala Lumpur is like a hybrid of the rich and the poor countries. It stands in between. It has in it various religion, various culture and economic wisdom. (Why economic wisdom? Currency at 14php equivalent, streets wide and smooth, It's like PH's upgraded version)

Fortunately, our hotel is just along Bukit Bintang, a stretch of malls and shops as well as bars and pubs are gathered meters away. It's like the center of Kuala Lumpur where what you see is a diversity of culture and of races. You'd get to the window and 12am is so alive, with the music on, the lights glow and the people out. (so different from home)

Honestly, arriving there was a disappointment at first. The taxi driver announced the fare without the meter on. The side streets are not much of a good sight. I hate how guys looked and pry about your affairs. It's not much of a developed country I had in my mind. I mean, coming from SG a day before, I have in my mind, a similar structured place, or yes, some slight difference. Just slight. I told myself, I don't like it there. I have no reeason to come back to KL but Only to find myself confused a day after.

While riding the monorail, I saw the other side of the city. I saw in particular, the other side of our road. In fact, my first night was wasted since I was not in the mood to go out and chose to sleep earlier than expected. I only realized I was missing a lot on my second night...

I told my good friend that we go strolling along our road as I saw the huge malls along it. We hiked the northern stretch and ohmy! I saw what I was looking for. The shops, the bars the night sights was simply awesome. What made it more fantastic is the lights. Christmas is in the air in KL!

I was amazed at how those people prepare for christmas. It seemed to me that every mall would never really claim to be one if it has no christmas tree. The christmas lights made me feel delighted. I felt so right to be just there. In my mind, This is a Moslem city and yet, Christmas is something very special here. I just felt somehow weird as I saw them taking pictures by the Christmas trees as if they also celebrate Jesus' nativity. (Do they? I'm not so sure... I have yet to know!)




Anyhow, I loved how I experienced twin towers. It was simply one of those memories, I am so sure I'd cherish in my graying days. The rain never stopped us. Funny how we made a short walk into the fountains and counted from one to three to look back and feel the magnificent twin towers. And truly, I am in awe.



Meanwhile, we took a cab which brought us to Titiwangsa park. I remembered the driver told me, "there is nothing much to see in there, you better try KL sentral" and I was like, "really?" and told myself, "why did bea and john lloyd's movie set in this place?" Only to find out exactly just why...

Early on, I was about to prepare my stone with the words, "IKAW PA RIN..." written on it. (Bea and Lloydie's movie- inspired haha) Though it never materialized, it is an honor to have stepped in to it, where the movie was being shot. (I felt like Bea Alonzo! lol)

The park was so huge and has a lake on it. The fountain was nice and even nicer is the serenity felt in and a bonus, the twin towers as the background with its reflection on the water's surface! I thought to myself, "the driver must've really missed the idea of peace and calmness while watching the birds up in the sky, the trees and grasses dancing in delight and the silence speaking to you as you sit by one of the benches". For me, the place was heaven. Three minutes would make me forget my burdens, my frustrations and perhaps, my lost love (as if? haha) Anyway, it is where mother nature would whisper how special I am to her.

On the other hand, anxiety is what I felt when we catch the plane back to SG on our third night. I was so worried we would be left by the plane and rode on a taxi from downtown to the airport. Gosh! We spent a fortune for it. But I couldn't afford losing more to rebook our flight. (I am traveling on a budget, for pete's sake!lol)

Again, as the saying, leave nothing but footprints, bring nothing but memories and take nothing but pictures... in a way, I felt that my stress has been left there as well, as I said hello to singapura again!

Supecalifragilistcescpialidocious Singapore! =)

ultimate trip

Twists and turns, buckets of rainwater, plane leaving, lost touch...

Haah! Few of the things we experienced in both countries abroad.

Gosh! whenever I remember everything, I just couldn't help but feel the tension building up again and again. The pressure and the sweating is too much in a day's work.





Singapore was awesome. What made it more wonderful is the fact that we are all first timers in Singapura. Delightful! Imagine my eyes go round everytime I look into the menu and bring in my calculator to convert the price for a piece of bread filled with veggies and a pour of mayo. I couldn't help myself from thinking how many kilos of rice would my one burger meal cost in the Philippines.



Horror is felt when every time we find that the MRTs are closing since we were still out at 12am. The taxis would be costing much as 50% is added to the original metered fare. My mind would go down the distance to compute conversion. And I thought to myself, if I were to stay there, I guess I'd be doing my own gardening to save much more.

The clothes were of course, at its best. Top of the line and hip. I would imagine myself doing the ramp with those on along orchard road or perhaps inside Vivo City. I'd be wearing boots and scarfs to its maximum, but hey wait! Singapura's weather is just like ours. (Erase the boots and scrafs!)

Marina Bay Sands, for me, was an opportunity. It seemed to me like a huge door inviting me to come over and have my CVA or resume be passed as a receptionist or something else just to enjoy the luxury it has nonstop. But of course, they laughed when I told them my theory. I came to a conclusion that Marina Bay hotel is a modern Noah's Ark. See the form? It looks both a plane and a boat rolled into one. Perhaps, when the big flood is soon to rise, enough to delete the sinful surface of the earth, the marina bay's hotel, would come and float, enough to save only those who can afford its ticket. Absurd? Hmnn... this is just me and my theory. lol




Anyway, gotta talk more of the places and the people soon... this is just it for now. I have to do the dishes, sweep and mop the floors. Oh! this is my way of preparing myself to live abroad, maybe in SG soon. haha *wink*

masks out!

Glitters, feathers, laces, rhinestones and stick glue: A way to ward off being blue!

So here it is again, our every-two-years company Christmas party! Woohoo!

Although, I don't expect a lot of spectacular activities in store as well as spectacular cuties come storming the gathering, I am hyped up for the event. This is once in a blue moon. This is something grand, a party thrown by the biggest and brightest bank in the Philippines (ahem, biased? haha)

Two years ago, we had the same event but with a different theme. That was Disney- inspired, something animated like a cosplay. I came sporting a sailormoon outfit (which I am so proud of coz I made it myself, with regards to eye bags the next morning) while all the others came with outfits rented from party hosts and children party's attractions alike.

This year is much of the sophisticated, mature and mystical effect, everyone is expected to be in black with a stunning mask on! Fabulous right? Well, It can be more fab if it's to be attended by most of my age bracket. (hushhh lol)

As the youngsters in the branch, we were told to gather the ideas for the masks that we will be wearing and that the designs should be in coordination with all of our bankmates. The task was rather simple because it is an enjoyable task. Perhaps because it has something to do with my first love: the arts.

So J and I hiked the malls with minds full of concepts. (Thanks to the internet for giving us most of it!) We visited stores one after the other and finally settled in a shop for the tailors. (thanks to the tip of client tailor I talked one sunny afternoon) We went merry-go-round to find the best materials for the concepts we have in mind and finally decided to do separate purchase of materials with our own concepts to avoid confusion and to keep focus on the established personal concepts.

We went from the bookstore to textile section. And funny how we got surprised that other branches are preparing big time for it because of us. We were spotted on the textile section while we were eye-ing for a good cloth for the mask and they interpreted it as something like, J and I are buying cloth for our to-be-sewn-custom-made-gowns! Gosh, they were threatened! lol

I made a sample and end up getting sermonized by mother dearest 'cause I slept early in the morning for it. I have to say that, the sermon part was a bit okay because the satisfaction I felt when the mask was done, was overwhelming. I could not imagine buying a one to two grand worth of mask for that specific event plus shipping and extra charges. That's too much! Why buy when I can make with my bare, soft and candle-like hands? (forgive the adjectives)

Anyway, my hands are full as of now, I was asked if I can make all 8 masks and I was speechless. I think my silence just gave them the idea of them making their own masks. (you see, silence can mean everything)

Either way, I'm still trying to improve my hand-made mask. I am still figuring out how to make an elegant, sophisticated, mystical and fabulous mask all in one sitting!

Wish me luck, I need more of it! =))

let loose!

Yeehaw!

November's here and one thing defines it: MAJOR TRIP!

You can tell how excited I am. I'm feeling dandy as days grow closer.

It's this emotion you feel, when somebody you're attracted to says Hi! and even stays for awhile to talk to you. It's the same feeling when you receive your first text message from him telling you, how lovely you were or perhaps, telling you how he enjoyed the talk you had early on. But even if the text message would just read a simple "Hi!" or ":)", you just can't stop yourself from saving it or categorize it to a new folder labeled under his name. (Not guilty! haha)

It's this feeling when a call would mean so much to you even if what you say is always, "Hello" or more of, "hahaha" or a simple "yeah". It's intoxicating. It is so much refreshing. It's like a breath of fresh air from all day's airconditioner occupation. Surely, this is something to look forward to.

And so, just like any other important event, I dare not to preempt anything by foretelling what would transpire. Just like a budding of romance. Any boy-meets-girl-stories would be best enjoyed if every degree is enjoyed and unadultered by false pretenses. A simple "Hi" can lead to "Hey" in text messages then to "Hello" in phone calls and yes, "I miss you, I miss you too" finally, "I love you, I love you more". The series of events.

BUT...the sad reality is that: the preparation is overwhelming, the happening is liberating and the ending is surely heartbreaking. But every good thing comes to an end. It is the memories that would make it a lifetime fixture. Just like relationships right? The song with these lines: "I remember the boy but I don't remember the feeling anymore" would prove that. (that's the only line I know from that song lol)

But then again, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." True! In association with trips, it is better to have saved and spent than never to have gained memories at all. These experiences are something worthwhile. Let's see that especially on graying days when all your grandchildren do gather, tag your skirt and tells you "Grama, what's your twenty-teener's like?"

By then, I'd position my loose skirt, ask one of them to get my glasses, put in my dentures (den..what? lol) and yes, I need a glass of water with dissolved memory enhancer. (Hope my memory works perfectly fine, detail by detail, punto por punto)
I'd love to see their eyes sparkle, lit in enthusiasm and me, bombarded with unending preppy questions.

Anyhow, this is it. I promised myself alot of these travels, I dreamt about this unfailingly. It's high time...

So there, I say... Hello! And I love you! Sweet November =)

HS secrets

Whoa! Hold it right there!

I am not sure if I'd be feeling little cute, flattered or annoyed. Because obviously, I am surprised to know something from the past.

So there, there goes my former classmate coming out from nowhere asking me stuffs I am not sure if I'd be willing to answer. But as politely as I can I still answered him. And he told me something I am surprised to know about...

He asked if I was okay, and I said yes, fine and quite busy. He then asked what I am busy about, I told him, well ordinary everyday life. He then followed up and told me that I am busy with my bf and I just laughed. I don't wanna answer stuffs like that, come on! Then all of a sudden he asked if I can be courted, and I was like? huh? Then he said, and this struck me, "You are nice, others might not have seen that, but I did", "I might court you, if only to continue my HS plan". Whoa!

That's too much! Mygosh! and I was like, "what was your HS plan?" he replied, "secret", I said, "hey, that's a thing of the past, might as well spill it" he said "you were my crush back in HS". And I just laughed. He said, "I've been wanting to court you but you were so PAMATI" from there, I couldn't control my laughter! Whew!

That was too much of a revelation. He was my classmate. He was one of those always sitting in front row, silent and always timid. I don't think I have ever spoken to him before, if there was a time, I am sure it is quite passing, something civil and those stuffs. I've never had a hunch about him crushing me. Being the HS student that I was, I am situated in the last row, source of the many noises, one of the minds on most of the crazy, funky ideas that have been produced. We were worlds apart. Yes, I am quite certain about that.

After more or less six years, Wow! this is something. I've never known someone crushing me back then. I was way too busy with all my bullying anthologies. But quite well, I am politely discouraging him.

Anyhow, I wish him well. I am sure this is one of those reasons why High School rocks! We'll get past high school fever. Like my getting past my High School crush!

prenup- shall!

Weddings...

All I can picture is bliss. The excitement, anxiety and perhaps challenge. One of those thoughts, I know, worth living for.

Blame it to the various prenuptial pictures I've been browsing these past few days. I mean, you know, the photographer really captured the inner emotions. I felt how they feel. I felt I was in the picture.

Someday, I'll have mine too. It made me imagine my future prenuptial. Perhaps, I can marry young. I want to. It's possible, isn't it? Marrying at maybe, 24 or 25 or 26? Wow. Seems to me, I'd be marrying next year... handa na kaya ako?

But the bigger question is, Saan na ang groom ko? haha

My friend and I talked about our future partners, the more I imagine him, the more I am convinced that I need someone who can be my best buddy. Someone I can hangout with, perhaps share my deepest emotions, share part and parcel of my day and share the littlest of my travels. Someone who can be a really really good friend, ride in my mischiefs, laugh in my shallowest ideas. Hah!

I can imagine holding hands while taking time walking around the park, go biking, eating ice cream, the littlest of actions would mean so much. Going on for an escapade elsewhere, something light. I swear, I've to fill in as I am very particular with details. This may sound too koreanovela or cutesy but, that's what I want. I want a relationship bound by friendship taking a higher form. I want something of that sort or nothing.

My friend told me, it's pure Idealism. Would it be too much to ask for something like that, considering my waiting time? Considering the time I spent patiently waiting and hoping that someone would just come along and enter my life? Would it be too good to be true?

I certainly hope not. I live for it. I live for the thought that someday, everything I pray for, just happens. It may take a toll on me but who cares? This is my life. I am bound to live by my rules as long as I know I am reasonably compelled by it.

I know weddings are not purely perfection. Along with it is a bigger future, heavier resposibilities and greater thought for a continued life. But come on! Let's skip that part, I dare to think of its light form.

Come to think of it, at 24? MRS. Precious Tolon- ________! haha happy thought indeed. Can somebody fill that in? lol