palibhasa bata

Mama, next year na...

And she was like, "Are you sure? Why?"

Wow! At para naman kaming nag-usap ng aking pagpapasakal, este pagpapakasal noh? Ngunit sa di mawaring dahilan, siguro'y ganun na nga ang parang nararamdaman ko. Yun bang, excited na medyo natatakot? Yun bang Handa na pero may ideya pa ring umatras? Yung ganun.

Pero hindi, hindi kasi dapat magdalawang isip sa mga panibagong hakbang na tatahakin. Sabi pa nga, "when in doubt, don't do it"... Eh paano nga kung susundin ko yun, ano nalang kaya ang mangyayari sa buhay ko? Mananatili akong naka hang sa ere. Hindi alam ang gagawin, nakalawit ang dila, magulo ang buhok, blangko ang ekspresyon at walang kabuhay buhay ang mga mata. Ang sagwa!

Naiisip kong siguro ay panahon na. Hindi na naman ako bumabata at kelangan ko ng matutuhan at makilalang maigi ang aking sarili. Isa itong sugal, napakalaking sugal na lahat yata ang itinataya. Siguro nga'y hindi wais ang ideya kong ito. Ngunit sino nga ba ang makapagsasabi kung ano ang wais at ano ang hindi sa buhay na meron tayo dito sa mundong ibabaw?

Ang alam ko segurista ako, pero sa daloy ng aking pag iisip sa ngayon, hindi ko na kabisado. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung hindi ako mag iisip ng maraming "what ifs" pag nagkataon. Yun bang, alam kong nagawa ko naman ang gusto kong gawin. Yun bang alam ko sa sarili kong, umunlad man o hindi, atleast man lang naranasan ko. Kaya man o hindi, nag risk ako.

Sabi pa nga, hindi naman lumalakas at tumitibay ang isang tao kung hindi sya nakaranas man lang ng pagkauntog at pagkadapa. Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay kaya nating protektahan ang lahat sapagkat ang pagkadapa at pagkauntog ay isang prosesong nakakapagpatibay sa pundasyon ng ating pagkatao.

Wow, ang lalim nun! O diba? pwede na! Pero gayunpaman, nais ko munang samantalahin ang pagkakataong ito sa aking buhay. Nais kong bigyang laya ang aking sarili upang maranasan ang mga nais kong gawin. Nais kong mabuhay one day at a time ,'ika nga.

Pero hangga't hindi pa naisasakatuparan ang aking mga balak. Ako'y steady muna. May mga plano ako ngunit alam kong mas may malaking plano para sa akin. basta sa ngayun, go lang ng go, kakayanin ang mga pwedeng kayanin hanggang sa...

Abangan ang susunod na mga kabanata... =))

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