unworthiness

I don't get it.

Every time I hear his name, I only have the word, "IRRITATION" written in my mind. My veins have mind of its own, the blood rushes through channels and would stagnate inside my brains. It takes awhile to regain my sanity. I feel really bothered and feels capable enough to destroy a hollow block in one karate chop. (violent eh noh?)

Oh really, I don't want to sound as if I'm that sporty because I know I am not. (I have accepted that) but this guy is so capable of making me feel these sensations. Mygosh! Makakalbo ako sa kakaisip sa kanya. The nerve!

Okay, I could not discount the fact that we've been friends. Long ago, yes we did. And somehow, we shared moments and memories I am supposed to cherish. What went wrong? I don't know. I just realized one day, something has gone wrong. Our ways drifted apart.

Maybe I lost the connection, or maybe I must've realized he has something within him that's so weird, the kind that you would dread and would possibly make you believe he has a maluwag na turnilyo. Or maybe...just maybe, I heard stories I did not expect to hear from him.

Can't you recognize rejection when you hear one? Why force yourself on someone who has no interest? Can't you feel what I am trying to show you? Can't you just go and leave me alone? These questions are what I wanted to ask him for so long.

I know this is mean but I just couldn't help it. What transpired before was long forgotten. Tell you what, we couldn't be just what we were before because, now is different. Now is the present. Now is what I am currently into and that does not involve you.

Sure, you want us to be friends but you should've known me, I don't like people pushing me. I don't like dictations as I am full of it. You should've known that the more I am pushed, the more I am to rebel. The more that you demand something from me, the more I intend not to give it as I don't want to be pinangungunahan. Call me stubborn, I don't care!

Have this note inside your head: "Let time do its wonders." Someday, I might come to you and act as if nothing happened. Someday, I might connect with you again... And that "someday" should not be imposed by you.

For now, leave it as it is. Let me heal, let me figure things out on my own and let me be ME.

I hope you get this!


Comments

Unknown said…
pre, gigutom ko, cno?

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