bad ass
The ugly truth…
Becoming twenty five is creating a lot of stress or is it the hormones?
These past few weeks have been difficult. I felt like in a transit forever. Alam mo yung feeling na nagtatravel ka but most of the time you spent it on the plane? That awkward, blue and sad feeling na ayaw mong ientertain but then it is biting, nakakadisturb and sometimes it seems na mas mabuting mag isa.
I am dealing with this challenge as matured as possible. I talked with some of my friends and ewan ko ba kung bakit napunta kami sa usapang sentimental.
I said this before and I am saying it again, di madali ang malayo sa pamilya at sa mga tao, lugar at bagay na nakasanayan na. My friend told me, “you know what, sometimes, I just find myself locking the room and crying my heart out” and I was like, “why??” then she smiled coyly and nagkibit balikat. My other friend also shared, “sometimes the people in this house can hear my sobs while I go skyping with my mom”. The housemate told me “oo nga, di maulaw maghagulgol, dungog kayo namo diri from the sala”…
And then I realized, Am I normal? Like there were moments na I feel like crying for so many reasons and for so much loneliness but even before it happens, I find things to be busied to. I go shopping and malling perhaps to suppress what I really felt.
I don’t even know if it’s a good thing. I just don’t want to cry my heart out because I might make permanent decisions out from my temporary status. Ewan ko. Sa totoo lang, I am getting tired. This means no fun at all.
I always inject sa sarili ko na Happiness is a state of mind, and so as loneliness, sadness and even…love?! (the last one, I am not sure) Anyway, there’s no room for me to linger on sadness pero yun na nga…
At this point in time, I am confused. I feel like I am lost. I feel like nawala yung drive ko about certain things. And ultimately, parang wala na akong pinafollow na direction, parang yung reason ko lang is to get by each day, nothing to look forward to. Ang plain and it’s making me sad all the more.
I never meant it to happen that way. Minsan naiisip ko, maybe I am becoming far from God kaya ko nafi feel ang ganito. So now I am making it a point to meditate even in a crowd inside the MRT. Or else, as deep and unconvincing as it may sound, wala nang saysay ang buhay ko.
As I assess, there’s this missing piece. Parang empty, dull and super boring ng activities ko. There’s much more to life than this.
I really don’t know it it’s QUARTER life crisis or just a raging of HORMONES. But one thing is sure; I have never felt as bad as this before.
To God, please hug me tighter. To parents, please tell me I will be okay, I know I will be, but I need my support system too, you know. To friends, please bear with me. To myself, hold on and pray just a bit more. I am a survivor! ^^
Becoming twenty five is creating a lot of stress or is it the hormones?
These past few weeks have been difficult. I felt like in a transit forever. Alam mo yung feeling na nagtatravel ka but most of the time you spent it on the plane? That awkward, blue and sad feeling na ayaw mong ientertain but then it is biting, nakakadisturb and sometimes it seems na mas mabuting mag isa.
I am dealing with this challenge as matured as possible. I talked with some of my friends and ewan ko ba kung bakit napunta kami sa usapang sentimental.
I said this before and I am saying it again, di madali ang malayo sa pamilya at sa mga tao, lugar at bagay na nakasanayan na. My friend told me, “you know what, sometimes, I just find myself locking the room and crying my heart out” and I was like, “why??” then she smiled coyly and nagkibit balikat. My other friend also shared, “sometimes the people in this house can hear my sobs while I go skyping with my mom”. The housemate told me “oo nga, di maulaw maghagulgol, dungog kayo namo diri from the sala”…
And then I realized, Am I normal? Like there were moments na I feel like crying for so many reasons and for so much loneliness but even before it happens, I find things to be busied to. I go shopping and malling perhaps to suppress what I really felt.
I don’t even know if it’s a good thing. I just don’t want to cry my heart out because I might make permanent decisions out from my temporary status. Ewan ko. Sa totoo lang, I am getting tired. This means no fun at all.
I always inject sa sarili ko na Happiness is a state of mind, and so as loneliness, sadness and even…love?! (the last one, I am not sure) Anyway, there’s no room for me to linger on sadness pero yun na nga…
At this point in time, I am confused. I feel like I am lost. I feel like nawala yung drive ko about certain things. And ultimately, parang wala na akong pinafollow na direction, parang yung reason ko lang is to get by each day, nothing to look forward to. Ang plain and it’s making me sad all the more.
I never meant it to happen that way. Minsan naiisip ko, maybe I am becoming far from God kaya ko nafi feel ang ganito. So now I am making it a point to meditate even in a crowd inside the MRT. Or else, as deep and unconvincing as it may sound, wala nang saysay ang buhay ko.
As I assess, there’s this missing piece. Parang empty, dull and super boring ng activities ko. There’s much more to life than this.
I really don’t know it it’s QUARTER life crisis or just a raging of HORMONES. But one thing is sure; I have never felt as bad as this before.
To God, please hug me tighter. To parents, please tell me I will be okay, I know I will be, but I need my support system too, you know. To friends, please bear with me. To myself, hold on and pray just a bit more. I am a survivor! ^^
Comments