selectively strange

Every one of us has this certain story of how we introduced ourselves to what later become our friends, right? And mine is not different. Not at all.

Seven years ago, I came to Singapore with nothing but guts and hope to back me up. I didn’t have lots of money or amazing work experience. No friends either. (other than the ones who came with me)

I came to an office made up of a small group of staff. The one who trained me, was well, she’s nice but rough. She taught me fast and I need to absorb it as quick as she talks. She would scold me and I would feel so ashamed for never have I been treated like that in my entire life, especially in a workplace. But I think everyone goes through that phase, I’m no different.

At school, I am focused and I studied hard. I was never the type who would skip class or sleep in it.

I was a teacher’s pet, a friendly classmate, the group leader, the class president. Modesty aside, I was hired even before I graduated! haha

In my new workplace, I knew how small the company was. When I joined, it was a year old. I knew my chances for promotions were slim and my progress, rather slow. But I needed a job. I needed to experience how it is working abroad and living in it. I forecasted two years max before calling it quits.

I was a fresh employee with undeterred work ethics. When my colleagues go out for a cigarette break, I stayed in and attend to their phone calls. I hated to be late and I’d feel so guilty whenever I come late due to a train fault. (and fyi, train faults were rare) And although I was friendly, I was distant.

I welcomed people but I never wanted to act too eager. I liked hanging out with colleagues but I never wanted to feel left behind. I hate feeling left out.

My first colleagues were people with thick Chinese accent. No offense, but I always feel like I don’t belong with them because I can’t understand a thing about what they say. I liked them but not enough to hang out with them outside work. You can call me  semi-social.

When they left, a group of guys came. These guys were cool but always busy. They’d invite me in for housewarming or gatherings outside of work and during that time, I promised myself not to be so selective about it, so I managed to go to some of these gatherings. I remain friendly but still distant.

Eventually the guys left and a new batch joined in. They have strong personalities. They yell and cursed a lot. One throws tantrums and when she does, she doesn’t bother talking the whole day at all. The other one was like a dormant volcano. She’s literally dormant. Silent but when someone pisses her off, she’d erupt like it’s nobody’s business. The third one was plain crazy. She’d disturb you for nonsense, and even talk about her sex life aloud. I find her strange. This bunch was rather strange.

But among all the batches that I witnessed, I connected with the strange bunch more. Working with them was not easy but they didn’t make my life difficult either. I found out that they’re just open and honest about how they truly feel. When they’re mad, they’re mad. When they’re happy, they’re happy.

I found out that they are what they are. REAL. And before I knew it, I was changing my ways as well.

In my fifth year, I have been slowly opening up. I don’t don my poker face as much as I did. I have thrown jokes and show part of who I am outside office. I have gone to after-office dinners with them not because I forced myself but because I sincerely liked hanging out with them.

Looking back, it took me five years to warm up to everyone from work. And maybe, when I leave this country, I’d gladly recall the memories that I have gained from my process. It sure does feel like I’m Elsa now, empowered because I don’t need to hide. Haha

I was the girl who has her own world for them before. (I still am now, I think.)

I introduced myself as a professional who does business in a no-nonsense attitude but I guess when you become a bit comfortable, it’ll show that the one wearing the suit and high heels is actually just a minion who still watches Kimpossible and gets high recalling Lupin III.haha