easy

Try to be open but don’t be an easy prey.

“You’re tendency is that you want a man to chase you but that’s just it, you just let them chase. Did you get any of them? No?” My former lady boss told me.

I laughed so hard ‘cause I don’t know what to say. I am taken aback. And then I asked, “Why, what’s the best thing to do?” She laughed at me and told me, I am obviously a kid at heart. I don’t know how to react to certain things and though I look like a smug who seem to know everything, I am a beginner in the game of love.

How can I ever tell you that in my heart I have found a love deeper than what I saw? How can I ever tell you that once in my life, there’s this someone who meant the world to me? How can I ever tell you that I have fallen in love… in silence?

And although it has been a long time since I felt that alive, I have no doubts that I can love again. My idea of love is full of sacrifices; my idea of love is something that stands the test of time. My idea of love is what goes beyond the superficial. And apparently, I have not seen the perfect recipient yet.

Chasing after me is a test, and may be I am at fault in thinking that someday someone’s going to chase me until he’ll be able to stop me from running. Because after the chasing, I know the life he wants begins, I know I’d be calmer, what’s there to run when he was able to stop me? What’s there to hurry when he can wait? What’s there to spend my effort with running tirelessly when I am relaxed in my walking in the park together with him?

Being easy is never in my dictionary. Perhaps, by being “hard”, The thing I know I saved from loving someone in silence was nothing but my pride. Because at least in my misery, I was the only one who knew. But what if, I had that out and over with that person? Will my destiny be the same? So this time, when I do feel something for someone, point-blankly, I prefer to tell him by face. I have learned my lesson. My heart may be hurt and my ego being bruised, at least, I was not a coward. I dealt my feelings fairly with myself and with that person.

As for being open, I am open this way, not at my maximum but not in my minimum, it’s just right. For someone like me who gets disappointed easily, for someone like me who does not demand but enjoys surprises, for someone like me who says no but eventually gives in, for someone like me… I believe there’s someone who’s at par to be with me.

goodie guys

DOM…

As far as my notes are concerned, DOM stands for Dirty Old Man. Pero there is a gender equality issue there so, sige na nga, Dirty Old Matrona pwede din.

One of my closest friends told me, “I am so bwiseet with someone that I changed my phone number ‘cause he’s bugging me big time. In fact, he is harassing me” and I was like, what form of harassment? I got surprised she told me, “he’d text in the middle of the night with perverted messages!”

Kaloka ha! Quite more shocking is the fact that I know the guy and it’s a common knowledge that he’s married! (I even know his wife)

Geez! Ganyan na ba talaga ngayon? Where are the faithful guys? Those godly and decent men whose rationality goes beyond earthly desires?

Ang pangit na idea. I am single, and I’ve been saving myself for someone who’s true and makes no promises but pure acts of love and kindness and hearing all these makes me scared to fall in love even more.

What’s more disturbing is the fact that my close friend, is within herself, an established woman with looks and eherm, money to boot. And the guy is married, although with money too, but not as wealthy as my friend.

And get this, they are professionally acquainted only after quitting, the guy shows himself up, invites and sends nasty messages. Ano yun? Kaloka!

Where have the good guys been? Or are good guys only good in the beginning but eventually fades off??

super-facial

Change your friends…

(Let’s cut hypocrisy and try to be as real as possible, superficial as it may sound.)

So the possibility of having someone special depends on my friends? The possibility of knowing new people depends upon my choice of friends?

This is a rather funny thought. While it is true na we choose friends, it cannot account to a higher probability to gain a bf. Or so I thought.

Why change friends? No bigger reason than boys being intimidated when you’re with a young, active, independent and good-looking group of single ladies. Sabi pa ng isa, you know what, imagine yourselves…

You walk into a bar in a circle, then the guys would elbow each other, will stare at you and try to make an eye contact, but… your attention is chatting with your friends. Your attention is to having fun with the same group of girls over and over again, sa tingin mo, sino’ng lalake ang magkaka guts to move closer? Try to move singly. Try to be with a group na taken lahat except you, so you’ll be challenged.

Infairness, may point yung ale. Kung ako nga naman lalake, I won’t make pakipagsapalaran kasi baka mapahiya ako. When single ladies come together in groups, it’s a fact, nag oobserve, nagsusukat ng hotness level ng mga boys. Physically speaking, it’s an advantage na someone who comes up to you, is someone attractive kahit papaano. Pero the problem lies nga din sa fact na yung mga attractive guys don’t make an effort kasi sila din hinahabol ng mga babae (that is, if he’s not gay)

I am not discriminating. Wala akong karapatan, all I’m saying is that, girls rank, girls measure, girls talk about everything and anything. Sa ganitong aspeto, we can’t come clean na di tayo nag aadmire ng mga Pogi. Imposible to miss a good looking guy.

So ano ba yung point ko sa pagbablog nito? Aba e di ko din alam. All I know is that, while it is true na may mga naiintimidate nga, meron din naman sigurong someone na magkakalakas ng loob, probably would want to single you out so he comes directly to you.

Naku, this post might sound so desperate. Unang una, bakit ko pa pagkakaabalahn isipin ang mga ganito. Pangalawa, Seriously??!?! This isn’t blog worthy. But yun na nga, wala akong rules as to what to post.

Change my friends? Wrong. Change the schedule for group of friends, or better yet expose myself more at nang Makita from somewhere. hehe

PS this is just my mind saying something I cannot daresay by mouth.

fab number 2

Second person: Another breakthrough is J.

I guess meant to be talaga kami to be together. She’s the girl na isang tingin mo pa lang, high maintenance talaga, mahirap kaibiganin, nakakadyahe. From head to foot, classy. At first, you wouldn’t like to be hanging out with her kasi for someone like me, she’s just too maarte. Alam mo yung every detail ng suot nya, alam nya. Her burloloy is well chosen, her things, ewan ko lang kung di ka malula sa presyo kahit isang clip lang. Her choice of fashion is quite high sa mga katulad kong swerte na ang edgy na blouse yung suot.

But apart from her classy, fashionable appeal, she is with a mabuting kalooban. She’s also a giver. Di talaga nagdadamot. She offers you something kahit di mo hinihingi. She’s willing to listen kahit di sya magsalita sa whole duration ng topic and she’ll just say; “Grabe naman yun” That’s what makes being with her very challenging. Aside from her busy schedule nowadays, she’s also tahimik lang unless nakainom.

Tapos when it comes to making decisions na involved kami, she’s not really the type na aggressive at ipupush yung gusto nya, what I always hear: “kayo bahala or kung ano sa inyo, ok lang sa akin” especially on matters of FOOD. haha She’s maaalahanin and sweet (kahit tigasin) in her own way. She’s like an elder sister kasi naggigive in yan kung ano gusto ng nakararami. The best thing about her is her ability to camouflage. Nakakasakay, nakakasabit, nakakajoin, yung ganun, Basta, she’s very down to earth.

Kahit napipikon na yan, it won't last long. I don't know if she keeps it to herself basta when she's not in the mood, you will know. But even so, kinukulit ko pa rin sya, I am always teasing her, and ang ale, natututo na!

I'm so thankful to have her. She's a Gem!

fab number 1

While they say, tell me who your friends are, and I tell you who you are, I am glad to name or even shout their names.

Some call them: CRUSHES, some: PRETTY GIRLS but to me it’s just a simple: FABULOUS FRIENDS.

In trying times, you’ll find out who’ll stick with you. But in my case, they might be stuck with me as to lack of choice. Who can they call? Who can they be associated to? In Singapore, just a few, and that would be unnecessary without me. LOL . Anyway, I am thankful I have known them in this lifetime.

First person: A, she’s more like me. Same-same talaga kami when it comes to pananaw sa life. While I am leaning more sa aking pagka brutally honest, sya naman, if you won’t ask about her opinion, di nya sasabihin. Sometimes, I feel I speak too much, kaya tumatahimik nalang din ako sa mga opinions ko. We jive in together because we’re the same headstrong, driven individuals who enjoy freedom more than early compassion from early tweetums. Haha She’s very independent. She’s a bull in her own wit. She’s a make-it-happen girl who is confident with her own capabilities. I joked about throwing a party for her if she gets a bf! Why, I am so confident, no one can easily tame her.

But apart from that, I have known her more for being very kind and get this, very RELIABLE. Alam mo yung, she gives you this or that without being a sweety girl na we’re accustomed of kind people. Ang hirap iexplain. But let me try to put it in a word, di sya affectionate. Yung tipong, touchy, showy, expressive, the typical girly-girl. Hindi sya ganun, She’s more of the practical but concerned Samaritan.

And when you tell her to take charge, sya talaga yung gagawa ng responsibilities. I can remember almost all our trips domestic and international sya yung taga book, she knows it more than I do kasi kung gaano ako ka fickle minded, sya naman firm, sasabihin nya, “unsa man ter, go nani? Go nani ha!” haha

We complement each other. In my heart, I know I’ve found a best friend in her.

matured cat

OMG!

I am undeniably getting… OLD or perhaps, MATURED!

The signs are showing, too visible even I could not seem to understand. The reality of being a middle 20’s is that some things are quite necessarily changing. I don’t know if this is an embraceable truth or not, but seriously, do I have a choice?

The visible Signs:
1) I get irritated with myself for not sleeping earlier than 11pm! I am in constant chase to have at least 8 hours sleep. And being with nocturnal friends, I am very much different.
2) I am irritated that no matter how I wanted to sleep the whole morning on a weekend, I still wake up before 9am. I get back to sleep but I know I am just cheating, my mind is so alive; closing my eyes is just an excuse.
3) I am irritated when someone doesn’t come on a supposed time schedule. I have become very conscious of time, I hate being LATE!
4) I had a horrible dream about CANCER, I was shaken, so now I am trying my best to obtain nutrients from veggies ( although I eat selected veggies, now I am learning how to eat more)
5) I now complain. I now whine. I get impatient especially when I had to do the same thing over and over again  ( although I really hate when I do that)
6) I get irritated easily when I am talking and I am not being listened to. I have a short fuse on a person who doesn’t listen but demands attention whenever he/she speaks.
7) I super hate being lied upon. I have learned to be so honest that I know a lie when I hear one.
8) I get irritated when someone bosses me around. Politeness is a virtue. I need someone to say things to me courteously no matter how hurtful the words are.
9) I have learned to ignore most people’s opinions about me. They can say anything they want to, as long as I am not being stepped upon because that would lead me to…
10) I have learned to fight back, for whatever its worth, I just can’t stand bullies who knock people dead because they thinks those are easy preys.
11) I get excited in coming home after a day’s work, just lying in bed, watching a movie or two, simple joys of a single soul. I live for weekends, no hanky panky on weekdays (most of the time)

And finally,

I have learned to FALL IN LOVE! (LOL kidding! I really hope so anyway)

The diary

I guess he has an ego bigger than the great white shark. But yeah, what makes him more appealing to me is the fact that I am slightly chasing him. You know who we are, Aries people love adventure and the thrill of chasing. But that’s just about it, I won’t get down so low to achieve him.

***
No, I never felt like this before. The uncontrollable grin every time I think of him. And somehow, I regretted that I chickened out. I regretted that I haven’t given him much attention. That I felt like a high schooler who ran away enjoying the chase. That’s just so lame, and I realized it now.

***
I don’t know really know what’s with me but idealistic as it may sound, he might be the answer to my prayers. Few people know how I save myself up for someone who’s going to be my first and last. I wish and pray he’s worth it. I wish it would him.

***
No, the panicky feeling may be showing but I know and I am confident that when he comes, he comes. There’s no doubt as to his existence. I know he exists I just need to wait or yes, wait a little longer than most girls my age.

***
It is pretty normal to feel envious to your friends. Why, I am getting all the feeds filled with proposals and rings. Is it just my facebook or are they really serious with all these stuffs?

***
Evil as it may sound, I find comfort in knowing that most of my closest friends are SINGLE! Yeeey! :P

***
My parents and sissy are trying their best not to look excited when I meet someone new or when someone comments on my facebook with something. I know my folks are pretty much excited about my first. In fact, are they throwing me off the hook?

***
I might be in love with him, who knows, last time I checked, I’ve got no comparison!