I am penning this essay to give a glimpse of what a glitzy,
fabulous overseas worker’s life looks like outside from Instagram or Facebook.
I have worked for the last seven years in Singapore as an
office worker with “acceptable” salary.
Acceptable means not that high to afford luxurious bags on a
whim and not that low not to afford a decent meal somewhere fancy, once In a
while.
The truth about being “abroad” is often misconstrued back
home as someone who has the money.
With money, it is true that we earn more than what we earn
back in PH but what other people don’t realize is that, we also need to spend
more than what we spend in PH. Food, accommodation, bills and personal effects
are not cheap here.
Alongside the physical challenge to remain healthy because medical
bills are far too expensive in a foreign land, what affects more to us is the
emotional and mental challenge, we need to go through, perhaps alone.
As someone who grew up in a small family where all our concerns
are openly discussed at our family’s dinner table, Sundays spent with family,
occasions done at home, night drives with mom and dad and in on several
occasions, ice cream trips late at night, becoming independent was something so
hard to come by.
I never knew that when I decided to work overseas, I have
signed up for challenging roles.
For instance, when I joined the company, I am the only
foreign worker. While they share stories and laugh at jokes, I was in my own
world. It’s not because they were unfriendly to me, it’s just that, they are
more expressive using their own language. I talk in small voice for fear of
standing out. I lie low to fit in, to feel that sense of belongingness, to be a
part of the team.
Whenever it gets tough at work, I succumb to my made-up
hole, endlessly repeating, “this too shall pass.” On my worst days, I was
screamed at, and blamed for something I took instructions from, but I hold
responsibility because I was the person-in-charge. I will take the blame and
promise to do better when in all honesty, It was not entirely my fault. But I
am a professional and being a professional means taking accountability for your
actions. It is where my maturity comes in handy, when I have to apologize for
something not because I am sorry it happened but because I was the one who got
unlucky enough to claim it.
It is such a challenge to put on a brave face the next
morning though, when you feel like dying and you come to work and pretend that
everything is okay.
On my better days, my leave would be approved and I’d get to
spend no more than two weeks back in PH or traveling somewhere to unwind and
rejuvenate. It is in these days that I feel alive. It is where those Instagram worthy
photos stem from. It is where onlookers would say, “oh she’s living a good life!”.
But among those days where I am captured as carefree,
happy-go-lucky and a jetsetter, most days all year-round are spent silently
working, getting my tasks done without glitches, enduring near-impossible
deadlines, to name a few.
I have developed anxiety and I got depressed a hundred times
over, not to mention having acne all over my face due to stress for failing to
achieve expectations.
Complaining, I am not. I am merely stating what happens
behind the scene.
Through it all, I have been taught a lot of lessons. I have
defied gravity to go after what I want. I have been brave enough to experience
it all and it makes me proud that I singlehandedly fought to get to where I am
now.
Honestly, I am far from where I want to be, It’s far from the
glitzy and fab life that I have envisioned to be, just yet. I don’t even own a house
in full or have that dream car of mine yet, monetarily speaking. But
personally, I feel like all the happenings in my life are preparing me for the
next big thing. And the culmination of all my blood, sweat and tears combined over
the years will be definitely worth it.
