Poor

Narealize ko...

> Mahirap maging tambay
> Mahirap makisama sa hindi pamilya
> Mahirap magbudget sa pang araw-araw na pagkain
> Mahirap ilabas ang saloobin ng ganyan ganyan lang
> Mahirap maglaba ng panties
> Mahirap umuwi na walang pagkain na nakahanda na sa mesa (paano pa kaya kung pag uwi galing sa trabaho)
> Mahirap maghintay
> Mahirap umasa
> Mahirap umintindi sa bad mood ng iba
> Mahirap kumain ng nag iisa
> Mahirap mag isip ng isusuot sa bonggang interview
> Mahirap mawalay sa pamilya ng ganito katagal o mas matagal pa
> Mahirap makamiss sa mga taong akala mo noon ok lang kasi anjan palagi para sa yo
> Mahirap maging busy pag nasa bahay lang
> Mahirap matulog kung may iniisip
> Mahirap maglakad sa tindi ng init para makaabot sa call time ng interview
> Mahirap akong intindihin
> Mahirap akong pakisamahan pag ayoko
> Mahirap pag walang pera
> Mahirap ienjoy ang magandang lugar kung walang camera
> Mahirap bigyan ng pag asa ang mga hindi na umaasa
> Mahirap mag isip tungkol sa buhay pag ibig at sa future nito
> Mahirap magluto kung walang stock sa ref
> Mahirap kung mejo nagkakasakit ka na sa katamaran
> Mahirap kumain kung ayaw ko ang ulam
> Mahirap ang mamuhay sa ibang bansa
> Mahirap makalimutan ang career na gusto mo
> Mahirap sumang ayon sa mga desisyon na di mo feel
> Mahirap magsabi ng totoo kung mas makabubuting wag nalang sabihin
> Mahirap walang kapatid dito
> Mahirap walang mga kaibigan other than your housemates
> Mahirap kumuha ng pambayad sa renta
> Mahirap magtext o tumawag lalo na't nagtitipid sa load dito
> Mahirap maggrocery na bigas at canned goods ang binili, ang bigat pauwi
> Mahirap magtiis sa sangsang ng amoy ng mga kilikili at katawan as a whole
> Mahirap magsalita ng straight English kasi di ka maiintindihan, panu na kaya kung broken English
> Mahirap intindihin ang pagsasalita ng mga interviewer
> Mahirap makipagsiksikan sa MRT
> Mahirap mainitan kasi nagiging masangsang din ang amoy ko

> Mahirap isulat ang lahat ng mahirap dito, baka gustuhin ko nang umuwi nalang! LOL

Bore-doom! Goodbye Juana

Syempre nagkaroon ng miss Universe, andaming naglabasang videos patungkol dun. May mga spoof, Parody di lang para kay Miss Shamcey Supsup kundi pati na rin na bagong koronang si Miss Leila Lopez. So eto na... nakita ko yung video, nainspire naman ako. Syempre sa youtube diba may nirerecommend na links na parang similar yung tema sa current na pinanonood?

E di nakita ko din yung mga music videos, mga songs na ginawan ng covers, mga for entertainment na pagcopy a.k.a lipsync ng songs, ang saya! naenjoy ako sa panonood. Tapos biglang naubos na, wala na akong pinagkakaabalahan... so napaisip ako bigla, paano kaya kung...kung... Ako ang gumawa nung video?

E bagong install yung software na free for 15 days sa laptop ko, ayun na... sabi ko May-I-make-a-video na nga! hinanap ko yung mga paborito kung kanta... OPM! mejo mahirap yung English, e di ako marunong tumugma nung stress ng words, kaya ayun...

Ang pinagmamalaki kong bunga ng boredom dito sa Singapura... haha

P.S. pasensya sa audio... parang mono nalang, sa laptop speaker lang kasi

P.S. ulit: atin atin lang to! hushhhhhhh... lol

blur

Kaloka!

I don't have an idea whether I get a plane ticket heading home or keep still and wait till next week. Ganito pala. Ganito ang feeling ng naghihintay at di alam kung ano talaga ang mangyayari sa susunod na kabanata. But this time, real time!

May nabasa akong quote it said: "Patience is not just about waiting but keeping the good attitude while waiting" and... Tama! Seryoso, minsan pala ang paghihintay nakakabago ng ugali. Minsan kasi we're so caught up with the anticipated result that we seem to forget the present. Nagfofocus tayo sa mga mangyayari at di na natin naeenjoy ang kasalukuyan.

May kakilala ako, ibang klase kung maghintay, kaloka! di nagsasalita te! Ni ha or ni ho, wala talaga. Ganyan siguro talaga, iba iba ang manner ng paghihintay. Naniniwala ako na this is all about mindset. Keeping the good vibe kahit mejo nagwoworry (kung di man maalis totally ang worries).

Nung pumunta ako dito, I told myself, "Live for the moment" why? kasi I know na it will never come back again. Itong experience nato, once ko lang gagawin, once lang din dumarating so I should make the most of it. Ano man mangyari sa aking hinihintay, atleast naenjoy ko yung ngayon.

I remembered My sister telling me,"Why the need to go there when you have a career here?" Sabi ko..." di lang naman ito career e, pangkalahatang growth talaga" Well, I hope I stood by that growth I was telling her about. haha

Sa nearly two months ko dito, I am really missing alot of things. MAIN: my nephew, CHINO! Iba ang feeling na wala sa bahay kasi all my life I've just been next to my parents. All my life, I'm the young person at home. Yung ganun, nakakamiss din. This time kasi, I'm living with people with my age bracket. Pare pareho kami ng approach towards things.

Anyway, sabi ko na-miss ko. If given the chance, I want to work out my career here. I want to stay here. There's so much to learn and my length of stay is such a short term, parang retreat lang. So sana talaga God will grant me my desire. Sana lang...

Sana ung blur ng aking future ay unti unti nang ma-clear. Sana ma grant yung PASS ko!

tough

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

So true!

My friend asked me a couple of days ago, so are you now satisfied with the idea that you embarked on an unknown path, mindless of the things that you've given up?

Truth is, how can I answer that? The question might be wrong or is just too early, because to be able to answer that, I need much of an exposure. My adventure has just begun, I surely don't know how it ends but I know that I am proud about it all.

I have been living a life sheltered and protected by the people who love me dearly. I am thankful. I am blessed that I have those people with me. There's never a day that I didn't thank God that I belonged to the family I am in. But this life is so short. I took this risk to fully live my life. It may sound a little arrogant but I needed time and space to discover myself. To grow and nurture my capacity on an individual basis.

Others might find it absurd and just an act of pride but really, to me... it's important. It is important that I know where I stand. It is important that I know where I'm coming from. It is important that I would learn to maximize my full potentials.

Not that I am totally dependent with my parents or my older sister, it's more of a personal thing. It's like testing the waters and trying to weigh things, whether I know how to swim or just close my eyes and let myself drown.

Everyday here is a lesson learned. It is a struggle. I realized how important little things are. I once told my friend, "Hey if you wanna try if you can cope without the people you used to be with, then try going here" I dared him. And told me, He is scared. Nah. Life should not be lived in fear. But I understood him. We have different wavelengths when it comes to adventure.

My aunt once told me, you seem to be going easy with life. And I told her, like what? "Happy go lucky?" Well, it somehow affected me, it was as if I just spend and spend on everything I wanted to do. But then, in this life, what's more important, Other's opinion or my heart's desire? I am a fool if I'll be mindful of what other people's opinions are. I am what I will be. By God's plan and mine. Not others.

I am happy that those people who mean a lot to me understood this need that I wanted to quench. Regardless of what I gave up, practical or not, they have let me be my own person. I wanted this and prayed for this. God allowed me to be here so I am quite sure, He has a bigger purpose for me.

Coming here is not just a test of finances but a very test of faith. Remember my post about that rusty old jeep? Yeah that was it. I already surrendered my will to Him even before. Now, I am quite confident about things. Sure, I had this panicky feeling going when I was a week fresh here but I am slowly understanding myself and God's promise to me. I am rejuvenated. I know I am loved.

I am holding on to my dreams. I am a dreamer and I believe I will be that forever. I am holding on to a promise. I am holding on to my God because He is bigger than the toughest tests here. :D

get there

Geeez!

And here I am thinking why my parents didn't send me to Chinese class. I'm an alien in a Chinese world. I do talking pretty much the hard way, I employ hand and body movements with matching facial expressions.

But thank you parents for sending me to a good school, I feel a lot better in English here. No doubt about that. I knew my English is better than them but the way they say English words are slang to my ears. Imagine a word without an "R".

One week here is like 2weeks in Davao. Here, very fast. I always forget time. I normally check the darkness and it's really hard to determine time through it. The sunset is late, 7pm is pretty much like 5pm in Davao. Imagine my horror upon knowing that I skipped breakfast and lunch then I ate dinner very late. Not good.

Life here is fast. There's no room for slowing down and walking in the park. Everyone is in a hurry. Everyone goes on marathon even in MRT stations. I can only imagine how it's like to be in New York.

My only distaste here is he smell. I get really crappy when I get to smell "chikadings", you know those black guys wearing dark colors with mustaches and all the hairs the human body produces? Self control. It takes a lot of guts not to pinch my nose to avoid their scent entering to my system. Forgive me for being too honest. Forgive me for sounding like I am discriminating races. It's not that.

Maybe it has to do with cultures. Filipinos are known for being bath-addicts. We do take a bath everyday. Feeling so gross the moment we skip bathing. It's that. I'm just accustomed to people who don't stink. And their stinking is way too unbearable. My gosh!

The building we're living is on the 12th floor. What I love about this is that it's overlooking and "airy". I like the feel that it's not of a clutter. It's minimalist and spacious and economically well-set. I love it!

Our bedroom is with a bunk bed with a single bed 'cause we are three ladies occupying the same room. It's pretty small with a window and two cabinets but I like it. It makes me feel homey.

Generally, I like SG. but cliche as it may sound, I love PH! For the moment that I am pursuing my dreams, I want to stay here. I want to create something out from this venture. I want to do things. I want to try new stuffs that I have the chance of trying. I want to break free. I want to be ME. Somehow, this will help me grow. I know it will.

I hope God grants me what my heart truly desires. I hope I can get a job that... pays quite well and would enable me to explore more on my individuality. I am confident.

But... I surrender it all. Lord, please?

Love,

achieve

And I came, I saw... I hope to conquer!

Vacation... this is how it is at this time. It's a break from the routine I have been doing for straight three years. It's like a breath of fresh air from getting all concentrated to one thing.

I am so thankful that the immigration didn't ask stuffs they normally do and more. Much more to my surprise, I haven't been asked anything at all. She just checked my passport, looked at my oily face and boom! stamped as social visitor for 30 days. It's a sign!

Anyway, being here is a liberation. Being here is climbing to a mountain and trying to reach a peak. Being here is journeying to a desert hoping to find an oasis in the middle. See, this is a quest full of hope. A quest for discovery. Who says humanity is all for outer space discovery?

I am very much inspired to do things my way. I feel the need for survival without depending on others. Human instinct.

What concerns me nowadays are calls. I know one of these days they are a plenty. I wish it to be sooner..

So until then? Missin my laid back DAVAO! :)

till we meet again

and my heart breaks, my tears fall, no amount of sadness can ever compare to leaving...

Three years ago I stepped in to that branch where I thought everything was small. The area, the pantry, the vault and yes even the people (hahaha! peace mam pinks and mam yo!). Coming fresh from school, everything was new to me. The procedure, the service, the daily routine, I thought, "so this is the real life my teachers were all talking about".

It's never easy. I'm likened to an egg, the process to becoming a chick takes a lot of time. I am slowly coming out of my shell. I will miss a lot of things...

I will miss my daily dealings with clients. I was able to learn a lot of things from them but most especially, thank you for teaching me... patience!:) and yes, English for foreigners, slang.

I will miss friday lunch. I was able to learn self- indulgence. Ma'am Pinky's famous line: "Nagtrabaho ka para makakaon!" (I second that!)

I will miss pantry moments. I was able to learn how to be informative. Ma'am Gel's ever updating of celebrities and Ma'am Yo's ever Azkals' Trivia. (Thanks for being reliable sources)

I will miss sitting in my good 'ole chair where music was always good and the rhythm gets me too well, I was able to learn how to sing and dance even if my client is in front. (And sings a lot louder than I do)

I will miss bonding with the 667 girls. The wantoredi which keeps getting better each time. The kiss with Derek. The English session with Kuya Nants. The eye conversations with the guards. Ahhhh fun times!

Coming up with this decision took a lot of guts and willpower for me. It gave me a number of sleepless nights and "tulala sa isang tabi" moments.

No, it's not just the company itself, it's the company of people who mattered most to me. I'll forever be grateful to the chance of meeting you.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of 667 family.

I will miss you but 'Till we meet again in God's most wonderful time!