my dream engagement shoot

UP!

I sooper love that movie. I can't forget Russell and his innocent chubby face which melted the bitter, graying heart of Mr. Fredrickson.

Love... love is what you should express. Find time, make an effort and do your best. Life is too short to be wasted and raped by Pride.

Meanwhile, I am soooo loving this photoshoot. I love how the theme was inspired by UP.







Please click the link below and you shall find yourself, agreeing with me :) :) :)



http://www.weddingchicks.com/2010/05/10/disney-pixars-up-engagement-shoot

Tequila Shot

ID?

And I searched for my IC as the big guy asked for it. A and J already showed theirs, and mouthed, “do we look super young?” I just laughed.

Wow! I thought to myself, even though I am nearing my silver anniversary in twenty days’ time, do I still look below 18? Alright, I may be delusional about thing ‘teenager look’ but hey, I find it really comforting.

Why, the people working in the bank, usually don’t look their age, the air conditioner might have made wonders and their looks (most of them) are younger than their actual age. So when I stepped out of the bank, I thought, my skin would sag, I will be losyang. (Bad idea!)

Anyway, so the big guy, in his black attire, bald head and huge frame asked for my ID just when it’s nowhere to be found. He then asked, “how old is she?” A and J said in duet, “we’re of the same age!”

We entered the bar, the name’s “Shanghai Dolly” and yes, too Chinese, that they play Chinese disco songs. The singers were Chinese, the dancers though kinda dark looked Korean. We headed to claim drinks’ coupon and made our way towards the center of the crowd.

Funny, I felt really under the underdressed (if there’s a term). I mean we were uniquely dressed with our office attire; Anna and I are in white shirt with our usual pants and J, who just came from yoga is in her casual shorts and nice blouse.

The three of us, we never planned ahead about last night’s event. We just had dinner at Suntec and A suggested that since it’s Wednesday, we just grab the chance to join the ladies’ night somewhere in Clarke Quay.

So we strode down the MRT and hopped in straight to CQ. From there, J guided us to her favorite bar, (according to her it’s the more organized bar in that area). We entered and there goes the “How old is she?”

If I were not busy finding my ID, I would’ve asked him to guess. But then, I was also afraid, he’ll say more than 25! LOL

We ended the night: exhausted. As in, we tried to reach for the last train to our place so we ran a kilometre or two, take note, we had three drinks prior to the running thing. So, I ran with my heart pumping as fast as it could, my breath as heavy as it can and my feet, as jumpy as it was.




In general, What a FUN, SPONTANEOUS and LESS FAB night it was! :P

will be there

Lost.

The thing that I am so afraid of. Yeah well, I am afraid to go back home and feel lost more than ever. The plans, the experience, the life in general, is too heavy to manage.

But even then, I am not a quitter. I fight for what I deserve. I fight for what I worked hard. It’s not as if I just come home and forget everything or say, “Fuck it, I should be home.”--- No, not yet. (tempting as it may sound) Now is not yet the right time.

Before this adventure started, I’ve sort out the pros and cons of this whole thing. My financial, my emotional, my spiritual, I was able to conjure ideas and thought this adventure is worth the sacrifices. But seriously, even though I thought about feeling lost after this, I never really considered it until now.

I am afraid that my life would not turn out as I expected. Although, I know that I am not capable of destroying it, (and is too scared to try things that destroy it) I am afraid to go without direction.




That’s the time when I come to a point of finding a place in this world where my abilities shine and where my personality enhances. I am afraid that I may not get the chance to have another job, as good as the previous and as challenging as the current.

So when I get home, I need to at least be into something that hypes me up just the same. I have people who need my support and I can not afford to f*ck this adventure up out of whims and few of my caprices. It’s high time to look deeper and to learn how to endure no matter how harsh the winds are.

And as long as my sail stands tall, My God bigger than the strongest of waves, the harshest of winds will guide me to my destination.

Are we there yet? No, I know for sure that I might be lost at this moment, the means might take a fuss, but I know my end, this “lost feeling” is momentary and I will be there… soon!

to wed

Weddings.

The same odd, biting intense feeling that I always get… Envy?

You know, that moment when a friend or an acquaintance finally decides to take a vow and you have received an invitation from them? That moment when you walk by the mall and saw them together holding hands, so natural, so real and so happy and you think a couple of times whether to greet them or pass them by so as not to spoil their moments?

I am not rushing to marriage but I always get this feeling of hope for myself whenever I hear or see someone changing their status to married from being in a relationship, even in Facebook.

My friends tell me, in order to stop yourself from feeling that way, be in a relationship. That’s it. Bull’s eye. Huh, as if it’s that simple.

To be real, I really feel happy for people who are about to the tie the knot or have just tied the knot but also, I feel sorry for myself. LOL. Believe me, sometimes I get really sentimental on wedding videos, I mean, this world is composed of seven billion people and to find your one true match, spending the rest of your life together… it’s a miracle!

Or maybe I am just being ideal. Most girls my age would think about being in a relationship a couple of times to know if it works for them and specific guys. Some, (I am not bashing) are getting into relationships just to feel secured with themselves and the idea of having someone. To say the least, there is nothing wrong with that. I am not against someone having a boyfriend for company and prestige (if that’s the case). All I am saying is that, I don’t think I can live with that setup.

I am too free to limit myself just because someone tells me this or that. I enjoy independence and individuality. I believe that a woman whose worth a great man is a woman who knows herself well and is confident about who she is. You might think it might be an excuse of young, independent single girls out there who never really had a prospect or an existing suitor, at least. But I am telling you what, it is not.

The more I see the world, (as mentioned in Date a girl who travels) the more I realize that I want someone who I can come home to. Home. The feeling of security, comfort and love. I don’t need a passing fancy. I don’t need someone who’s in just for company. I want a lifetime, growing and fruitful relationship built with trust and love. It’s that or nothing.

My friend suggested just I just go on take a man who woes me just to know if it works. Trial and Error. My mind tells me, it’s quite logical to consider, see if love blossoms, but then the bigger problem rests in this stubborn heart. I feel I need to at least have this rapid beating first before I come and commit myself to anyone. (Romantic Principle)

I might be wrong in what I believe in. It might not work for me, the waiting game is just so looooooong. But then again, what’s there to rush about? Weddings might be very appealing. And perhaps, MY Wedding would be the biggest event in my life but it’s just a wedding. What I truly want to achieve is marriage… A marriage like my parents’!

conflict

Pee!

The buzz I received from my former officemate. And I was like, “Hi te! How are you?: ))” then she replied, “I have something to share” And I said “Ok, wassup? Is A having a lil bro/sis coming out?” Then she said, “hahaha di ka pa rin nagbabago Pee, that’s why I miss you”

Awww.. so sweet!, I thought to myself. Then she told me what she wanted to share. As I read it after I came back from the mall, it was really a long message, sent in three instalments. I later learned that, there has been a conflict between her and the new girl Friday. My jaw dropped. It never happened before.

Anyway, my point of realization is that, more and more, I am convinced that new hires are different from the former generations. New breeds are stronger, bolder and more vocal than the previous ones. (Or was it that previous are breeds of coward rats?)

Or maybe, our batch was different. We were very much timid, shy and very submissive to superiors. Whenever we commit mistakes, we have this shaky feeling of telling the truth and accepting the punishment. Funny thing, we always find ourselves lost when we’re called. For example, when the boss calls my attention like “Pee, punta ka nga dito” I jus find myself bothered, almost dropping everything so I can hurry towards the boss as if I have committed a mortal sin. You may tell I am an ass-kisser. But if you conclude that, then our batch is. (Because the 4 of us from the same batch are like that)

Whenever we’re told about the mistakes, we keep silent. We don’t try to reason out. We just listen. (Yes, ganyan ka lala.) Personally, I just feel na kahit anung gawin ko, a mistake is really a mistake, I can not make palusot and if I will, I am not good at it, I’ll just end up adding insult to injury. So better shut up, the more talk the more mistakes.

Plus, I have low self esteem pa man din. (feeling ko lang) I don’t think I can assume accountability when I push someone to his/her limit, alam ko naman kasi ang ending ako lang din ang masisira. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or maybe, it’s really cowardice. Sometimes kasi kahit feeling ko tama ako, I just don’t voice out para din a humaba yung usapan. End of conversation agad. But ang sakit sa puso, mind you.

Anyway, the new girl sought the advice of his brother and the bro even went to the area to know who his sissy was talking about. That, I find disturbing. Professional adults don’t meddle with younger sissy’s ordeal unless he’s involved in the workplace. It’s kinda off to me. (it’s not as if her sissy was suffering from bullying) I think that as consenting adults, working in a professional world, we have individual capacity to defend ourselves without the help of others if we’re really into the truth.

Pero yun na nga, di naman kasi natin hawak ang mga isip ng isa’t isa. I can shout Foul and no one wants to listen so I seek out the help of a bigger image. But I can also stay calm and composed, adjusting to changes and people around me. The latter was more of me. Endure. Endure. Endure…

Basta whatever it is, I have learned that I should learn to appreciate the people around me. Coming from different family backgrounds, different cultures and beliefs, I believe that my mission is to understand than be the one to be understood. hehe

crib

Crib.

The search for the new crib is over. We found a new place to stay, a station away from our previous crib.

I find it quite liberating to finally move out from old house. Though I have learned to love the place, I just need to hit a new place. But surely, I will miss a lot of things where most of my happiest Singapore moments are spent.

That was my first. I have never been sent to a school away from home where I needed to board. My first time to experience how it feels like to live in a house where the people aren’t your family. My first time to test my social skills under one roof. My first time to do every chores in details. My first time to feel anger like it never happened to me. My first time to feel the emptiness, coming home from work.

It is work under progress. This new crib is promising. Although, it’s not as light and neat as the first one, I have high hopes that the people I am living with will be known as friends and not just housemates.

I pray that misunderstanding and trouble will become alien words in this new home. We may never be related by blood, I hope at least we will be affiliated better than those from the bloodline.

I hope this crib will protect and prevent me from the fast-paced, high-cost and sometimes, harsh outside Singapore. This might be it, I hope…

En route

Let’s go home!

My friend, apparently the one I stay with, blurted this out last night. After hearing (errr..reading) that her friend and former colleague was going home from Dubai for good. Her friend told her that the kids need her and she will just find a job back in Davao. And she is confident that with her experience, she’d probably bag a good job back.

She got affected and told me that she wants to go home. Funny, but I find this peculiar feeling of appeasing her and telling her that we’re half way through our initial plan. The usual scenario would be me, telling her that we just go home and be thankful for our experience here in abroad.

I have known from the very start that this adventure is life-changing. I was not in for the money. I was a bird seeking my own place in this world. A bird that’s just too comfortable with the built nest that I felt I needed to see the world from other perspective. I am idealistic that way.

Anyway, staying here opened me to realities and facts that I have come across with. I am thankful for this journey and I am thankful to the people who’ve contributed much for it. But this… now… at this moment… is not the right time to come home yet. No matter how itchy my feet are to come home, it’s just not yet the perfect time. It’s too soon. This adventure is still premature.




I have come to a planning position that this should be at least, a one year stint. After this year, I’ll be coming home, hopefully, with a bulk bank account, more than enough to put up my business-hobby and support my responsibilities (whatever those may be).

To be honest, I want to be home for my nephew. I want to watch him grow. I want to be part of his life’s process. I want to be my parents’ support, just like before. I want to be there for sissy, in her little or huge successes. I want to be there for a meaningful and lifelong career. I want to be there because there’s this somebody telling me that he likes me, and I feel the same way too. But he needs me to come home. Seriously, I just can’t do that. I won’t compromise as to make a continuation out from his idea of a relationship. Again, ideal as it may sound, someone who truly loves me will let me be what I want to be. Someone who likes me should put up with my decisions; after all, being in a relationship should not hinder my growth, in fact, it should nurture it.

You see, I could have lots of reasons to come home. I can name so many things just to be home. That was my heaven on earth, our home. But… it’s just not right to come home and aborting a mission. I always remind myself that in order to succeed, sacrifices are a must. I just can’t cease to be in this mission just because a lot of things are stopping or wanting me to come home. This was for me, a process that I should undergo.

And until such time that I feel that somehow, the thirst for growth was gratified… only then that I can say, It’s time to en route: HOME! :)