overkill

I am writing this on a HAPPY NOTE.

I have noticed that when I speak out about my thoughts, it leans back to a negative connotation.

Maybe because, most of my thoughts concern so much about how I feel.

The more I think and talk about how I feel, the worse it becomes so I made an experiment.

I have to.

I vowed not to think about how I feel and try to overanalyse things as if my problems look like a frog to be dissected.

And quite honestly, this approach works for me.

How to do it?

1)      Things/ people/ situations that provoke you into thinking or even comparing yourself to it,

A-V-O-I-D. Get away from it.

Take for example, stalking at your ex’s profile or simply trying to be nosy about your friend’s love life. Quit it. Focus your mind to a reality that completely belongs to you--- YOUR OWN LIFE.

2)      Explore your skills/ passion.

If you like making origamis or replanting your own succulents, go ahead. Be busy about what you are interested in. Occupy your time and brain on innovating what your hands can do. Not only does it make your brain work, it makes your heart happy.

3)      Just stop thinking. Will you?

This is the most important thing, ever.

When you feel like you are nearing towards being concerned about something, don’t fall into the trap. Veer yourself away from all the thoughts that consume you.

For example, when you worry about your parents’ health, chances are, you worry about your finances, then your career, then your future in general. It’s a vicious cycle.

So don’t try treading the dangerous path and JUST breathe. Relax.

Control your mind to think only about the positive.

The problem with most of us is that we think too much and be sickeningly worried about something that has never occurred YET. Our thoughts are too much to handle that only lead us to be helpless and hopeless. Learn the art of nonchalance. To feel relax even in the most difficult situation ‘cause we all know that what kills us is not drowning itself, it’s panic at the first sign of difficulty.

Know that the world is huge and definitely, everything happens for a Reason.

Have faith and remain closer to your Creator. You are made and everything He made has a purpose.

While it’s true to be okay not to be okay, MIND OVER MATTER is also true to everyone.

Peace, love and explore! J

climb again

“We appreciate you taking time to submit your application, however, we regret to inform you that…”

I know how this letter ends and truth be told, I was kinda expecting this rejection again.

I was just bold enough to try again and maybe, a miracle will come forth to me, who knows?

Weirdly enough, I feel the calmness of my inner spirit.

As I do not have to wait anxiously for the result anymore and that, there will be no more what ifs.

I have gone through this before, and as much as I would like to succeed, it just isn’t for me… JUST YET.

In my life, I have face many rejections and have witnessed so many doors closing in front of my face.

I have gone through hardships and tough times that left me in the dark for a period of time.

But guess what? Amidst it all, I am grateful.

I am grateful to have experienced bumps along the way ‘cause I know now how to appreciate plains. And most importantly, I  am thankful enough that among the many, it was  I who were given the chance.

I always say this, “GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO BRAVE IT ALL.”

And I know this by heart.

Before I folded the letter, it says “however, you may submit your application again in the future”.

I closed the letter with a bittersweet smile that escaped my lips.

Ahhh! Sometimes, you just have to know when to stop and rather than climbing the same mountain all over again, why not try another even if it makes you start again?

walang ka Paris

When I think about Paris…

I can still recall the feeling of alighting in Trocadero and climbing the stairs to have the magnificent view that the Eiffel was.

It was my first night in Paris and it was windy at 6pm.

There were so many people in that specific area, kids, couples, elders and people like me.

Some may be locals bringing their tourist friends and most are tourists, just finding their way and making time to marvel at the scenery.

From end to end, people are taking pictures, chatting, laughing.

I stood there in awe. I almost pinch my arm, I still can’t believe I was there.

You see, I used to just fantasize about being in Paris. Who wouldn’t?

I used to watch “Lovers in Paris” and really love the idea that I’d be able to find love in Paris just like Vivian haha

Then here comes, “KC loves Paris”, whereby she showcased a glimpse of her life while studying in Paris.

I loved it even more when I saw “Midnight in Paris” and all the movies and events Paris has been mentioned.

I can go on naming anything I can associate with Paris and this post wouldn’t end.

But one thing’s for sure, it’s was ONE BIG dream. 

Paris was an IMPOSSIBLE dream.

It’s a far-fetched idea to be there because, let’s face it, it’s expensive.

The air ticket + pocket money? I need to be wealthy to get there.

But circumstances brought me to a different angle. One does not need to be wealthy to be there.

I should know, I was there.

Paris was beyond my imagination. It was totally what I wanted to see.

The structure, the food, the French, even the manholes were very much what I would like to see.

When I went to Jardin des Tuileries, I just couldn’t stop myself from being amazed.

The well- manicured trees, the fountain in the middle of the garden, the ferris wheel on one side and the Louvre on the other, I mean, it’s surreal!

I saw couples holding hands and some going in for some serious kissing scenes ( I wanted to stare! LOL) but you know what? It just felt all natural to do all those things there because it seems like Paris was made for that.

I almost grew jealous and wondered about my partner as well. Haha

We climbed the stairs on our way to Montmarte and somehow we saw a glimpse of their residences.

The alleys were truly small but the cafes were more than enough to accommodate anyone in.

I’ve never seen such a place with so many cafes. Literally in every corner, and that makes me think that probably, French people do like to have a lot of down time.

Paris was my first and last stop in my European leg and I couldn’t be happier.

When I think of Paris, it gives me this unexplainable joy.

Perhaps a sense of achievement? A tinge of unending excitement? Or even this inordinate amount of gratitude that I was actually able to achieve a dream.

A girl like me? I can only dream and list it as a bucketlist.

To be able to tick it out of the bucket?

I feel like I’m graduating as a dreamer and totally became more of an achiever. HAHA

When I think of Paris, I still have my heart beat faster and that familiar scent of excitement still envelops me. I think of my future love and all these sensations coming through me, could it be? Love would be much stronger than this?

haha

Forgive me. :P

mita lovely

There’s no greater thing than to be a MITA!

The thing about being an aunt is having the ability to be this cool person.

In their eyes, I am free spirited. Someone who is able to do the things she wanted to do.

In their eyes, I am the neutral ground.

When their mom scolds them or even lays a hand on them, I am the poste for whom they can seek refuge to.

I am invincible. Their mom can’t touch me, I have that sort of power.

To them, I am neither Cinderella nor wonderwoman… I am me. I am their aunt, I have power just being me.

Or not?

Haha. I love being an aunt because I love my nephews.

I love how they talk, how they are so sweet and smart at the same time.

I love how they do anything to get what they want.

I love their youth, their energy and lack thereof, at times.

I often wonder, when I was a kid, I was a dumb one.

A candy can bribe me, but them? It takes a lot of convincing because they really know what they want.

Sometimes I think about them being more firm in what they want than me. Haha

The irony of it all is that it may be a good and bad thing.

I am a MITA, short for, MOMMY + TITA. I am one of their biggest fans, one of their biggest cheerleaders.

I love my nephews, they’re cute and cuddly and oh so adorbs!

bintan tananannn

Yes to adventures!!

I agreed to go with my colleagues, over the weekend to Bintan.

It’s my second time to go to overseas with them so why not?

I have established early on that my goal in the coming years is to make more memories. No matter who I’m with.

I’m usually very cautious as to who I associate with but I think experiencing a lot of these things will help me grow.

As a social individual, putting myself out there, is beneficial to how I want to continue with the journey through life.

You get to have more ideas, know more people and spend time with others.

And guess what? I enjoyed ATV-ing in the Indonesian forest.

It was such a thrill to go full throttle only to end up bumping someone. Haha

And it was not that easy of a trek at all, there were more downhills than plains thus, I love the challenge!

I brought my brand new stabilizer and tested it out on the bumpy UTV rides that got my feet really muddy as my boss’ passenger! It was one hell of a ride and the stabilizer was really tested. I’m just glad.

So for my next adventure?

Just you wait and see… hehe

Lovely the explorer here we go!

my goal

I’ve come to a new goal…

At 30, I feel like I need to pursue something else.

Something that excites me, something that makes time go by so fast,

Something that creates an impact within me, something that makes me look forward to days ahead.

Sadly, that something isn’t what I am doing now.

Early on, I know I need to be in the creative field.

Wherein I use my hands in sync with my mind with a clear vision for an output.

Much like a sculpture that I mould as the picture of it crosses my mind so often.

Much like the lyrics of a song I can sing even without drums.

Much like the executable program that I so expertly know.

All because, I made them.

I know for sure that as an employee, I am an asset.

I work without stopping with or without a deadline.

I try to help in the process of arriving to a certain destination where profit is always higher than the cost.

Well, they’ve told me, I am a disciplined employee.

But I am not the best at what I do.

I have this hunch that I can never be one.

Why? Because of my goal.

My biggest goal in so far as work is concerned…

It is simply to be my OWN BOSS. lol

a blog's life

What?!i have been writing in this blog since 2008?!?

So next years’ gonna be my 10^th?!

Wow! How time flies.

Writing is a hobby where I subconsciously vents out my frustrations, anger, the things I can never say and of course, share my fascination, excitement and happiness!

In here, I feel free to express my opinion and ideas.

In here, I always feel like I have a documentation of the things I did, the feelings I felt, the life I lived—so far.

In writing, I don’t feel like I need to please anyone and just go with what I want to say.

In reality, I used to be bubbly to the point of tactlessness, but maturity happens and I found myself writing more than speaking.

As I go through my earliest blog posts, I realized how revolutionary writing is as it serves as the timeline of my life.

I read about my past misery as if it was the biggest problem of the universe, I read about my ever changing mood that this blog so randomly captures.

9 years, baby!!

That’s like a million years in blog’s life!

More entries to come as I approach my tenth year as an anonymous citizen in the blogosphere. Teehee! :P