delilah

Staying safe is nice. It makes you feel secure, makes you feel complete. It makes you see life as a gift readily available. It’s just so comfortable, so convenient to act within the set boundaries.

My friends told me, “why sacrifice? When you can come home anytime?” My answer is still the same… “Goal”

Sometime in one’s life, there’s this quench for adventure, a risky investment. Although, Life is giving me pleasant surprises, there’s still this drive to dream, to explore and discover. Why should I be bound by the limits set to me by my society? Why stay safe in a corner when I have the will to see the other side?

When I first decided to go after my dream, I was hurled by so many questions. Life was good, why immerse myself to unknown? What if I don’t make it? What if I will? What happens after? Can I take disappointment? Can I rewind? Few of the questions I dared myself to have a solid answer and yes, I just get a solid NO every time.

As far as being rational, there are more reasons to just stay. The world is giving me NO to every plan I dare conjure. But should I give a damn to what the world tells me? I have learned that great minds in ancient history are those people who are either neglected, criticized or discouraged by the society, yet they continued their journey and made it.

I can say that Signs, no matter how believable, are not objective. Of course, if I want something and ask for a sign then almost miraculously the sign appears, I’d say I’d go for it. But Signs are often misleading. Coins have two faces, so do signs.

For me, what matters is your heart. Rather than signs, discern. For it is in discernment that makes you hear what your heart truly beats. Pray. Prayer is an important factor in decisions. Sometimes, I am so caught up with my own brand of delusions that lead me to confusion, I pray, I talk to Him. He just knows best. He plans the greatest.

And how many times did I experience rejection? Quite a number really. Because every time I am rejected, it makes me think that God is preparing me for a better opportunity. I remembered I was accepted right after my first job interview, the owner told me to wait for the final call, as per formality and for me to sign the contract, then two mornings after, I received their call, telling me that they reach foreigner’s quota.

That particular moment, I felt like an untied balloon, hydrogen escaping slowly. But I remembered my prayer before the interview, if this is not for me, tell me early. God has his own ways. Always.

Which brings me to my point. Why sacrifice? Because this life has two faces. Sometimes, difficulties are tests to challenge us to do better. The hardships and trials are part of the spices of life. If I look at these as problems, I would be drowned by my misery, if I look at it as a challenge, it will drive me to be better, to be tougher and to be wiser.

I would like to be remembered as someone who braved it all. Someone who faced her fears no matter how shaky her feet are. I would like to be remembered as someone who gave it all, battle every beast, so even when I come home failing to kill the biggest of the beasts, I have every right to say that I did everything but I failed, to me, that is more victorious than being safe.