scissors

Security…

We are all aiming to achieve that one word. We are all struggling to have that.

Just yesterday, I received an alarming SMS from my dear sissy. She said “Gurl, call me, nahospital si mama”. Imagine my panic when I read that. If I grabbed a cup of coffee, then the coffee would go directly down the floor.

So I managed to sneak out for privacy and call her mobile number. I asked quite continuously, “what happened?” “why?” “how come?” “how is she?” “what’s the result?” and my sissy just told me, I’m gonna drive by this afternoon at 4pm, I’ll let you know.

My god! I can’t take messages like that. My mind is so powerful; it runs a mile even before knowing what actually happened. As I was unsatisfied of what I heard from my sissy, I called Pop. I was relieved, he said, Mum’s okay, it’s just that they want to have it checked by the doctor, the fever and chills are on and off mode. They’re preventing dengue, if ever. And I pray it isn’t. I still have to get updates.

Which brings me to my point: I cannot go on like this. Whenever I hear something like this, I feel paralyzed as if my mind is left back home. I cannot function normally. I think I really am not made to be abroad, going solo with my family left behind.

Then I realized I regret that I did not get a health insurance way back when I was still in my former job. I regret that I did not invest my money in stuffs like that. I regret that I haven’t got a lifetime souvenir and chose material, depreciating things instead.

I am opened to a reality. And I am getting insane thinking about what to do whenever something happens to my parents (God forbid) and they don’t have health insurance. I know I am time and again, over thinking. But what if?

So now, I am reconsidering. I will be coming home. I pray to find a job as good or better as the previous (benefit-wise). I need a job that’s stable enough to support me and those that I am supporting, and yes, for my minor and major travels (^^)

Plus, having two children, does not entice me anymore. I realized though it’s so much fun,(because my sissy and I are like scissors, we can hurt each other, we can cut, break, tear but we can artistically bring out the best in each other, and help create something out from the plain piece of paper but we cannot function without each other), but the burden about the whole issue is equally divided just between us two. I now prefer to have at least four children. Four children who are as close as US.

More importantly, I realized the value of savings and investing wisely. Although I have this gravitational pull towards gadgets, thou shall resist. I am gearing towards a more sustainable future. It’s difficult. Obligations are always difficult, but in the long run, I know it will be beneficial.