Gone
There goes the circle of life, someone has gone home. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. I don’t think I’ll ever learn how to take goodbyes smoothly. Told you, I’m so bad at being left. It scares and pains me big time.
Anxiety Attack. I remembered, when in kindergarten, every time Mama sends me off to school, she’ll go with me up to my classroom. And every time I sat down, I didn’t want here to leave me. I am busy looking for her and every time I don’t see her, I go out of the classroom and yells out her name, if I found out, she already went home, I always end up crying my heart out.
I was that kid. That kid who got the loudest cry. That kid with Mama staying at school. When I think about it now, it was a rather funny. It’s as if I am being left to a desert with no one to be with. And looking at me now, I think I have come a long, long way from that same kid.
But I thought wrong. I have just grown up, years of experience taught me how to fight, how to survive, how to remain calm, how to appear strong even though my heart is breaking into pieces. But In me is that same kid enveloped by anxiety. Anxious of being left by, left out and left behind.
I hate it when people have to go and I’ve got nothing left to do but to wait for such a time that they actually say goodbye. I hate that I have to remain completely okay even though I am breaking down inside. I hate that I have to be happy for them by showing it even I’m feeling sad about the whole thing.
I guess I would never learn to really convince someone to stay because on the first sign of goodbye, I always end up telling them to go after what they want. I don’t think I ever learn how to make someone stay because I seem to convince them to go instead. Because for me, a decision such as leaving is a heavy one, and I am quite sure someone has to spent sleepless nights to finalize the said decision.
When someone shares that she’s going, I always end up asking when instead of why. I think that Life is too short to waste even a minute of it on things that make you sad, so if leaving is the only way to make someone happy, then I will gladly oblige to support her.
Seriously, I hope and pray that every decision I make myself, is something that’s meant to happen. If going seems to be so appealing and would make someone’s life happier, then so be it. Besides, what I feel is just a tip of the iceberg from what that someone is feeling every time she goes.
So sail on and good luck in your journey towards home!
There goes the circle of life, someone has gone home. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. I don’t think I’ll ever learn how to take goodbyes smoothly. Told you, I’m so bad at being left. It scares and pains me big time.
Anxiety Attack. I remembered, when in kindergarten, every time Mama sends me off to school, she’ll go with me up to my classroom. And every time I sat down, I didn’t want here to leave me. I am busy looking for her and every time I don’t see her, I go out of the classroom and yells out her name, if I found out, she already went home, I always end up crying my heart out.
I was that kid. That kid who got the loudest cry. That kid with Mama staying at school. When I think about it now, it was a rather funny. It’s as if I am being left to a desert with no one to be with. And looking at me now, I think I have come a long, long way from that same kid.
But I thought wrong. I have just grown up, years of experience taught me how to fight, how to survive, how to remain calm, how to appear strong even though my heart is breaking into pieces. But In me is that same kid enveloped by anxiety. Anxious of being left by, left out and left behind.
I hate it when people have to go and I’ve got nothing left to do but to wait for such a time that they actually say goodbye. I hate that I have to remain completely okay even though I am breaking down inside. I hate that I have to be happy for them by showing it even I’m feeling sad about the whole thing.
I guess I would never learn to really convince someone to stay because on the first sign of goodbye, I always end up telling them to go after what they want. I don’t think I ever learn how to make someone stay because I seem to convince them to go instead. Because for me, a decision such as leaving is a heavy one, and I am quite sure someone has to spent sleepless nights to finalize the said decision.
When someone shares that she’s going, I always end up asking when instead of why. I think that Life is too short to waste even a minute of it on things that make you sad, so if leaving is the only way to make someone happy, then I will gladly oblige to support her.
Seriously, I hope and pray that every decision I make myself, is something that’s meant to happen. If going seems to be so appealing and would make someone’s life happier, then so be it. Besides, what I feel is just a tip of the iceberg from what that someone is feeling every time she goes.
So sail on and good luck in your journey towards home!
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